He's ready to go now, but my body isnt :(

[Becwantsababy]

Hi All,

I've been lurking around for a while and not really posting but feel like I need to get some opinions. Well, my and the OH were discussing our life/future etc and kids always comes up. We have been waiting to try for a few years now first of all for money and me getting healthy and now it is just me that is holding us back. He actually said that he is ready to try now but not until I have lost some more weight. We have always had a mutual agreement that we would ttc when I was at a healthy weight. At the moment I am 31 years old, morbindly obese weighing 18st and 5ft 4.

Now he has verbally confirmed that all we are waiting for is for me to lose weight, it is making me feel very frustrated with myself.

I do feel like saying to him stuff loosing weight cos although I am big, I am still relatively healthy (normal b.p, no diabetes etc) but I really don't think he would go for it.

We have agreed that instead of me getting down to what would be classed as a healthy weight, just getting me healthy and losing maybe 3-4 stone would be better, especially timewise for us. But it just feel so far away!! You would think that having a baby would be the best motivation in the world but I just can't seem to stick to a diet.

Is anyone else in this situation? Anyone got any words of advice?

 

[Eline]

I know how you feel. I've struggled with my weight for years and am still a bit overweight. I've tried so much diets and pills and remedies. It nearly drove me crazy. At the moment though, things are going quite well, thanks to a local coach that helped me to stop dieting and rather focus on living healthily.
Do you have the financial means to find a coach or someone to support you in your neighborhood?

 

[Tigerlily01]

Hi there! I don't have personal experience, but didn't want to read and run. I'd maybe talk to your doctor to see if you could have a healthy pregnancy right now, and if so, maybe you and OH could modify your plans a bit. And if not, your doc may have some advice on how to lose weight in a healthy way that works for you.

Don't feel frustrated, sometimes it's hard to beat genetics. Lifestyle changes can be tough, but you don't have to do it all at once. If you pick one small aspect of your health to focus on in the beginning (ie. "this week I'm gonna drink water instead of soda," or "today I'm going to walk for 20 minutes," or whatever), it won't be as overwhelming, and you can make other changes as you get comfortable with the ones you've already made. I totally hear you, I don't think I could stick to a diet either. I prefer to focus on eating as healthily as I can, and on exercising. Not on starving myself...it's not fun, and not sustainable.

Hang in there!

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I had this problem as well and this was the reason we waited to ttc. I lost a lot of weight by only joining MFP and eating healthy wih a moderate amount of exercise daily. I am still not where I want to be, but will continue with exercises and healthy whilst being pregnant because I am so scared I would harm the baby. Maybe talk to your doctor for advice and tips? Good luck!

Xxx

 

[Lii24]

Hi becwantsababy, I see your in the uk, have you seen the Actidiet? Some friends of mine have been on it for a while now, in the first week people are losing between 7-12lbs! As well as some hardcore exercising you could see some amazing results xx

 

[Littleharns]

Hi Becky,

I remember you from a while back

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. A lovely lady on here suggested Slimming World to me and I've lost 2 stone since June...I totally love it and don't really feel like I'm on a diet alot of the time.

We're TTC from next month and I still won't be in a 'healthy' weight range but I'm only 5ft and don't honestly think I'll ever get lower enough to be considered 'normal' I'm just going to go for it and hope I do OK and don't get 'judged' by midwives etc as long as I continue eating well through out my I know I'll be giving my baby the best start and alot of ladies that are on the larger side have totally normal pregnancies and births....having said that if I do fancy a cake I often stick OBEM + size on the ipad as my motivation not too!

Whatever you decided good luck! x

 

[lozzy21]

Loosing some weight would be best, pregnancy puts a strain on your body when your a "healthy weight" I had a BMI of 41 when I was pregnant with my daughter and although I had none of the associated risks but my cousin who was a similar weight ended up with severe pre-eclampsia she had to be induced resulting in a section at 35 weeks.

I'm doing slimming world and want to be 16 stone before we start TTC. You can follow slimming world while TTC, pregnant and BF so hopefully I will end my pregnancy lighter than when I started.

 

[Eline]

Hi becwantsababy, I see your in the uk, have you seen the Actidiet? Some friends of mine have been on it for a while now, in the first week people are losing between 7-12lbs! As well as some hardcore exercising you could see some amazing results xx

I don't want to be rude, but I had to reply. Please, don't get lured into one of these diets Bec. If you want to lose weight, and want the weight to stay of, it's better to make some lifestyle choices, as Tigerlilly suggested.
Losing weight really fast is never healthy and often it's just water weight. You should never consume less calories then your body needs to work its vital functions, because this will always trigger a survival reflex, forcing you to eat.

 

[Reidfidleir]

I don't have much advice but take a hard look at your diet. Do you drink soda? Juice? Energy drinks? Sports drinks? Cut those out and drink water instead. How about coffee or tea? Do you put milk and sugar in it?
Do you eat out a lot? There are many more calories in take out food and restaurant food. Try to cook at home more.
Eating a salad will fill your stomach with volume. That may help.

Don't diet.

Cut portion sizes. Not drastically. Instead of a big bowl of ice cream for instance have two scoops.

Take a walk outside even if only 15 minutes. Try to do that every day.

 

[Tigerlily01]

Oh, I wanted to add that my OH has always used what he calls the 80% rule. If 80% of what he eats is healthy, he is ok eating a few french fries now and then, and it helps him not feel like he is giving anything up...just being overall healthier.

And as someone said, restaurant meals are awful, even when you try to be good. I used to travel for work a lot, so I ate out a lot. I looked up the calorie count/salt & fat content of some of the meals I thought were ok, and they were terrible! I was really shocked.

 

[lauraloo24]

Hi bec, I am in a very similar boat to you. I am 29, DH is 27 and after years he has said he is ready to start trying but only thing holding us back is my weight and he definitely wants me to lose weight before getting preg. I've lost 1st 8lb from my heaviest weight but still got 3.5 stone to go. I have lost weight on slimming world but I struggle to stay motivated even though I've got a great reason to lose weight. Even now I'm tucking into icecream! You are not alone. Any weight you can lose would beneficial not only when pregnant but for conceiving as well. You can do it!! Xx

 

[comotion89]

well I want to lose weight for my own purposes not to ttc or anything baby related I was 16st 11 then went down to 13st 3 two years later I'm now 17st 8 :s ....but yes can't you and your OH come to a compromise about weight loss goals for ttc , it's hard to lose weight ive been on Dukan and cambridge well cambridge was the successful one ...it is hard to stay motivated but I dunno being a bigger girl all my life id be abit uncomfortable knowing that my other half wants me to lose a significant amount ...suppose it never happens will he never procreate with u ? ? what if you lost a stone I dunno

 

[Becwantsababy]

Thank you for all of your your posts. I have already lost 2.5st on Cambridge but things keep coming up that I keep making excuses to eat instead of sticking to the diet. I know about these kinds of diets as I have done them before.

We gave agreed on a halfway point of 3/4 stones instead of the 8 that I need to lose to be healthy. I think as long as I get a good chunk of it off before xmas I think we will start trying in the new year.

I know it's frustrating but I just have to think about the end goal.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I'm struggling too. My BMI isn't massively over normal, just inside the overweight category but a few years ago I used to be obese had a high BMI. I lost a lot of weight, hit a brick wall, put some back on, lost weight, hit a brick wall, put some back on and now Im stuck.
I tried really hard and lost 8lb before going on holiday but then it all came back, I now weigh 2lb less than I did a few months ago. I can't seem to get the motivation to say no to things and if I taste something I like I will eat more and more.

I'm going thru some other things right now so once they are done with I shud hopefully get making some lifestyle changes. When I'm pregnant I need to have a healthy life style and my oh will def encourage me there but he also likes to 'treat' me so he likes to bring me stuff home just as an I love u but it doesn't help my waistline

 

[Hollynesss]

Hi Bec,

I think I've already posted a reply to this in another forum, but my opinion stands, that while your husband has good intentions, it is completely unfair of him to put you in this position. Weight loss is hard enough as it is without your husband using it as a bargaining chip for such an important life decision. I totally get the health concerns, but when he is sitting there pretty much saying, "you're the only one holding us back, get your act together and you'll get a baby" that is anything but supportive and motivational.

This is something that you need to do for yourself, for your own health and self confidence. Any praise by him is icing on the cake, but it isn't right for him to dangle pregnancy in front of your face like a carrot. Talk to your doctor and work out a healthy weight loss plan, letting the Dr. know that you intend to get pregnant when you both feel you are in the right place. Maybe I am just sensitive, but if my husband said that to me I would be really hurt.

Good luck to you, dear!!

 

[oceania]

Hi Bec, I'm in the same place as you...thought my DH will probably never "feel" ready, he has agreed to TTC for me once I have lost weight...no idea how much I need to lose though or anything I am 18st and my BMI is 38, I'll be happy if I can lose 3-4 stone before TTC and hopefully not gaining weight (apart from what the baby weighs etc) while preggo through a healthy lifestyle...I'd be seriously pissed though if after losing the weight my DH still said no

I'm finding it really hard to stick to any diet too so I just try to take it one day and one meal at a time. I started going to a local gym this week during lunchbreak for 20-30 minutes to use the exercise bike or something. Atleast I have a lot more energy now than before. Small steps will take us there