Hi All, i'm new here and straight from first tri...

[sleonie]

Hi,

Yesterday I went for an early scan at 9 weeks 4 days to find out I have had a second MMC. There was a perfectly formed 9 week baby on the screen with no heartbeat...

Right now I am such an emotional mess, i cant sleep and i just feel so angry.

My question is how do you ever bring yourself to try again? I feel so beaten and defeated by it this time that I can't imagine ever feeling strong enough to try again. I'm 35 now and I am childless. It is just so cruel...

 

[Miss_C]

darling I am sending you the biggest hugs I can across cyber space.

I had my first child at age 40, we just lost our 2nd - little ziggy at 12w1d but will be ttc asap. The reason I am telling you this is that there is hope, without hope there is only despair and that is not good. At the moment don't plan forward more than a minute or an hour, take some time to grieve your loss but have belief and faith that this little soul will find its way back to you. I get by day by day in the hope and belief that ziggy is up there packing everything up, booking the removalists and finalsing everything so that he/she can stay next time. It was far too short a visit last time.

 

[HollieQ]

So sorry for your loss, it is so cruel

I felt exactly like you after my mc, yes! I was SO angry too, I was horrible. What Miss_C said is so right, don't look ahead too much, just take each day.. in the end I waited 9 months to start TTC again, just incase it happens again I want to be 100% over my first and strong. Please don't worry about your age, last year there were 4 pregnancies between me and my friends, 3 of us lost our first (2 went on to give birth to their 2nd) and the only one of us who had a happy pregnancy was my friend who has just turned 40 .

It does get better, 9 months on and I can honestly say I'm happy, I didn't think I would be the same again, I still think of my angel a lot but I can live a normal life again now, you will be able to too, I promise xx

 

[Niamh22]

I am so sorry for your loss, I agree with miss c take each hour as it comes, and grieve or your loss but do not give up hope, without hope there really is nothing left x

 

[iluvbump]

Hi,

Yesterday I went for an early scan at 9 weeks 4 days to find out I have had a second MMC. There was a perfectly formed 9 week baby on the screen with no heartbeat...

Right now I am such an emotional mess, i cant sleep and i just feel so angry.

My question is how do you ever bring yourself to try again? I feel so beaten and defeated by it this time that I can't imagine ever feeling strong enough to try again. I'm 35 now and I am childless. It is just so cruel...

I am so sorry for your loss.

You try when you are ready..
and you will be ready it will just take time.
Some people grieve a lot longer than others.

I know how you feel.
And trust me there will be things that will upset you more as time goes on..
for me it was seeing my bump had disappeared. But.. you have people around you (family and friends) to support you through this.
And you have people on here if you ever need to talk, might sound like a stupid idea but honestly, with the help of my OH, my family, my friends and everyone on here.. i came to terms with things..
xxx

 

[sleonie]

Thank you - it really is sooooo good to read your messages. i went back to bed after I posted and managed to sleep until 9am. Waking up is pretty horrible at the moment...

I am booked in for a D&C tomorrow, I have to be there at 7.30am. My decision to have a D&C was quick and fairly easy as I am terrified of seeing lots of blood after having life threatening blood loss with an illness I have suffered from in the past - which fortunately i'm now healed of.

I had a D&C after my first MMC - so I know what to expect tomorrow which helps me to feel slightly better...

I feel like I have very slight cramps happening - almost so gentle they are not there. I am really hoping I dont bleed before I go into hospital...

 

[susan36]

im so sorry for your loss want to send you big

 

[Anna Purna]

So sorry.
It sounds like we're going through a similar thing - my story is on a thread in the miscarriage support section if you feel like reading about it (46BPM & measuring small - waiting to miscarry).
I just had my d&c today and I'm already eager to TTC again. I'm scared of having ANOTHER failed pregnancy (the last one was an ectopic) and I don't know how much more disappointment I can take, but I still have a very strong drive to have a baby no matter what.
In the meantime I've vowed to finally start taking Kung Fu lessons like I've talked about doing for years. I'm hoping the training will get me into shape both physically and mentally and make me stronger for TTC again.


Hopefully the third time will be the charm for the both of us.

 

[HollieQ]

I hope the D&C went ok? and your body waited like you were hoping, thinking of you xxxxxx

 

[sleonie]

Yes - today has been a peaceful day luckily...

It all went so smoothly - i arrived at the day surgery unit at 7.30am, was first to go down - walking - to a female surgeon - at 9.00am.

I awoke in recovery in what seemed like a flash. I had low blood pressure (its common with me) which kept me in recovery a little longer than most people - i kept telling them to give me a cup of tea and a sandwich - and to watch how my blood pressure jumps back up! They wired me up to a fluid drip and fed me and it did jump up to my normal level.

I was put in a quiet, private side room on the day ward - which was really lovely as I had privacy. I finally left at about 2pm this afternoon.

I haven't slept since I got home, just sitting in bed on my laptop listening to music and facebook-ing. I feel very peaceful and at ease - i am really happy to have the ERPC - as it does allow you to move on quicker - but i understand that that is a personal choice for everyone and depends on many factors!

I have no heavier bleed than a normal period, no clots, and strangely no cramps. Just a great feeling of peace about it all. My DH has been great today, taking care of me and we have even managed to laugh and chuckle at some silly things too.

I opted to keep the picture of the scan in the end - its only a very small photo at 9 weeks 4 days - and its not very clear, but I will keep it with the doctors record of what was seen on the scan.

Thank you ladies your kind words and advice has been so supportive and invaluable through out these days. I think I will be popping in to B&B a little less frequently now as me and DH work on getting stronger and moving forward...

I pray the same peace that I feel over everyone on here and your situations. Thanks again, Sleonie xx