Homebirths - Selfish or selfless?

[marley2580]

Is it not fair to say that the mother's experience/condition/emotional wellbeing during pregnancy and childbirth is inextricably bound to her baby's condition, so even where it appears she is doing it for "herself", isn't she really doing it for baby?

It depends in what context, in a straight forward 'low risk' pregnancy then yes I could see your point of view, in a 'high risk' pregnancy when medical professionals believe it to be risky to have a home birth but the mother insists anyway so she gets 'the experience she wants' then no I disagree she is not doing it for her baby then but for herself.

I wen't 'against medical advice' with my second, not because I selfishly wanted a particular experience, but because I truly believed that it was best for both me and the baby. I believed that if I went into hospital I would be pressured into continuous monitoring leading to me having to labour on my back (not a position I labour well in) or getting stressed by being pressured. As a result of this I would have become quite stressed which would not be good for the baby and she would very possibly gone into distress. I also would not have had the same one to one care that I got from my wonderful community midwives who supported my choice.

It's never as simple as the doctor says a homebirth is risky so you shouldn't do it. Medical opinion is divided on a lot of it - there are midwifes that fully support something like a VBAC at home, while there are others that are dead against it, the same is true about doctors. NICE guidelines now say that a woman that has had one previous section should be treated in the same way as a woman that has never given birth, yet many doctors and midwifes do treat them differently. So who do you go with? The doctor or the guidelines? This is why you need to inform yourself of all the risks and make the best decision for you and your baby.

 

[Lina]

Didn't take long for the word 'selfish' to be thrown. Look, the faith you have in hospitals are the same faith women have in their own bodies to birth naturally. It is a fact that birth is highly medicalised to the point of bordering on a disease needing attention. Often in hospital you are having to share an overworked midwife, home births are generally attended by two midwives. It isn't always about the mothers experience, a home birth benefits a baby just as much if not more.

 

[Eternal]

I haven't read this all, but no I don this its selfish. I just think its a choice.

I would love one although I was too scared to try with my first, i went to a birthing centre instead but had to be transferred, if i were at home the same would have happened so there is no risk to my baby, the MW will advise you if she thinks a hospital is better.

If i have more I would love a home birth, i had a section with my twins as they were breach but i don't see why that would increase my risk and talking to the MWs and doctors after I gave birth they said it wouldn't be a problem if i wanted a home birth next time.

There isn't much difference between a home birth and an independent birthing centre (mine was 40 miles away from the hospital) both have staff available on hand and both will advise of you needed transferred.

Personally I would always follow medical advice though, i really wanted to deliver the twins myself but they were both breach so section was the best option, if i had gone against that advise one if not both would have died.

 

[Blah11]

ive had both a hospital and homebirth and the level of care was loads better at home. there was a midwife just for me and i dont think people who havent planned for a homebirth understand how much planning goes into one. They bring loads of stuff with them including resus equipment.

i wont be having a further hospital birth unless either something goes VERY wrong during pregnancy (pre-e etc) or something went wrong during my homebirth.

 

[Blah11]

& all my practises midwives were very excited for my homebirth and were all wishing they were on call. i ended up with 3 mws and a student when roman was just born, 1 of them i'd had as my mw with amelie and roman antenatally

kind of odd any midwife would hate them :/

 

[smelly07]

what if more and more mothers started opting for homebirths and in became the majority... is there enough midwives out there availible to offer that 1:1 care and time assisting one person iykwim ?

personally i much prefered being left to it whilst in hopsital ...with my midwife popping in every now again until i reached the last stage..... so if she was able to help 3 or 4 mothers in between that time than i think thats a great thing. if that makes sense.

x

 

[freckleonear]

Definitely not selfish. It's not a decision that's taken lightly and most women will have put a lot of thought and research into it. Even women who homebirth against medical advice are doing it because they genuinely believe it's the best choice for their baby and themselves. I've had a hospital birth and a homebirth, and all my future births will be at home. Over the last few years I've only seen the one news story about a home birth death, yet there are stories about maternal deaths in hospitals all the time. Several studies have indicated that home birthing can actually be safer.

 

[tina3747]

& all my practises midwives were very excited for my homebirth and were all wishing they were on call. i ended up with 3 mws and a student when roman was just born, 1 of them i'd had as my mw with amelie and roman antenatally

kind of odd any midwife would hate them :/

My friend doesn't like them because her area is 45 mins from the nearest hospital, she had 2 life threatening incidents last yr given the choice she wouldn't do them.
A lady recently ,she told me had pre eclampsia on her first 2 children, but still pushed for a home birth knowing the risks... It's not the kind of birth I'd like to be present at in those circumstances but it's her job so she has to. She had to be taken in by ambulance because of excessively high bp anyway.
You don't have to like every part of your job

 

[going_crazy]

I don't think either can be called 'selfish' or 'selfless', it is a choice.

I had 3 hospital births, but for DD4, I seriously considered a homebirth. Even when I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, I was adamant that I could still have a homebirth. I only had a hospital birth because my blood sugars went a bit out of control at the end of my pregnancy and as there was a risk of my LO suffering because of the GD, I chose to have a hospital birth.

If I would've had a homebirth, I seriously doubt that my LO would be here today. She would not have survived more than 24hours at home.

Having said this, I was treated so badly in hospital, that if I were to have any more children, I would seriously consider a homebirth!

 

[Blah11]

what if more and more mothers started opting for homebirths and in became the majority... is there enough midwives out there availible to offer that 1:1 care and time assisting one person iykwim ?

personally i much prefered being left to it whilst in hopsital ...with my midwife popping in every now again until i reached the last stage..... so if she was able to help 3 or 4 mothers in between that time than i think thats a great thing. if that makes sense.

x

They don't sit and watch you, they have loads of paperwork to do. They do leave you to it a bit more also. I wasn't checked until I asked and she said i didn't need to be if I didn't want to as she could see I was doing fine. Its a really nice situation though, not awkward at all like I thought it might be. weird the MW coming to you in her normal clothes though haha! mine got blood all over the sleeves of her zipup she didnt have enough time to get it off as I pushed once and he crowned, she didnt have gloves on either poor woman.

 

[Blah11]

& all my practises midwives were very excited for my homebirth and were all wishing they were on call. i ended up with 3 mws and a student when roman was just born, 1 of them i'd had as my mw with amelie and roman antenatally

kind of odd any midwife would hate them :/

My friend doesn't like them because her area is 45 mins from the nearest hospital, she had 2 life threatening incidents last yr given the choice she wouldn't do them.
A lady recently ,she told me had pre eclampsia on her first 2 children, but still pushed for a home birth knowing the risks... It's not the kind of birth I'd like to be present at in those circumstances but it's her job so she has to. She had to be taken in by ambulance because of excessively high bp anyway.
You don't have to like every part of your job

I hope your friends feelings about it don't come across like that for the woman who is planning a homebirth No, she doesn't have to like it but her role isn't just delivering baby safely, its meeting and supporting the mothers wants and needs too. Maybe shes in the wrong job as a community midwife

 

[JASMAK]

I don't think it is selfish at all...UNLESS you knowingly have one when you have been told it's too risky. I don't think that they do them anyways, in that case. I know when my sister was pregnant with her first, she had a midwife (as did I when I was just pregnant with my first). She was told that she couldn't use her because of a health reason (back then, midwives did not have hospital rights). I was referrred to an OB when I was rushed to the hospital with severe bleeding at 13 weeks and it was then determined I had complete placenta previa, and there was not a hope in any world for anything close to a home birth after that..which is what I was thinking of at first, just because I despise hospitals and all the germs. So...long story short... no, I do not think it is 'selfish'. I was a labour coach for three different women, and one was a home birth. It was a bit sketchy at least twice that I can recall, LOL...but, all went well.

 

[tina3747]

& all my practises midwives were very excited for my homebirth and were all wishing they were on call. i ended up with 3 mws and a student when roman was just born, 1 of them i'd had as my mw with amelie and roman antenatally

kind of odd any midwife would hate them :/

My friend doesn't like them because her area is 45 mins from the nearest hospital, she had 2 life threatening incidents last yr given the choice she wouldn't do them.
A lady recently ,she told me had pre eclampsia on her first 2 children, but still pushed for a home birth knowing the risks... It's not the kind of birth I'd like to be present at in those circumstances but it's her job so she has to. She had to be taken in by ambulance because of excessively high bp anyway.
You don't have to like every part of your job

I hope your friends feelings about it don't come across like that for the woman who is planning a homebirth No, she doesn't have to like it but her role isn't just delivering baby safely, its meeting and supporting the mothers wants and needs too. Maybe shes in the wrong job as a community midwife

Mmmm I'll try not to take offence to that being an immensely. Loyal friend.
No, she's definatly in the right job... I think the various cards and flowers her house AlWAYS has ( and I go weekly) tells me she's perfect in the job. I hate probably 30% of my job but i certainly dont show it to my customersShe was my sisters midwife as was a friend of mine, both said how amazing she was, especially Becky who had a home birth said she honestly couldn't have done it without her because she wanted to punch the other one! She'd moved house on her recent baby, the first thing she said was shed have hoped for D again. 20
years in a job and especially 20 yrs of the NHS is probably part of the problem for her. Her hands are tied with so many things and yourd be surprised but the threat of negligence is pretty big these days too.. Maybe it's the fact there's a team on hand in a hospital, makes you more secure but it's a pretty big thing having a life in your hands like that, amazing and I imagine terrifying too.
She's actually thinking of giving it up now, I don't think the NHS is the place she wants to be. Too much red tape and politics unfortunately for her,she prefers to do her job individual to each lady not to what the bosses or guidelines tell her to. I'm not sure what else she could do. She's perfect in that role. When she was helping me in my labour, and every other time in that 9 months.. Her voice changes and goes all soft and relaxing.. It's like it's not D because usually she's quite blunt and opinionated.. It's like she has a separate job voice.


It's funny blah, believe me or not but the way you write your posts you sound just like her, even more so since I saw a picture of you in your work gear you look and sound very similar. I read a thread about lotus birthing which you'd commented on, ( not sure you should have carried on commenting!) you said EXACTLY the same thing D said..Quite bizarre.
Anyways, sorry this has turned into an 'I love my friend' post and completely gone off topic,I'm hugely loyal to my friends... Especially this one!

 

[Blah11]

Potentially a huge part of her job is delivering babies at home though since homebirths are on the up id be very upset if I shared such a beautiful, private intimate moment with someone who hated being there. doesn't sit well with me at all. I'm not saying shes bad at her job, maybe just not suited for the community.

(i still feel the same about lotus births. i think theyre odd and unessecary and not even natural. animals in the wild dont leave their young attached for days. i dont think homebirths are the same thing)

 

[Dragonfly]

Having two hospital births I can see why people would do a home birth...nothing wrong with it. My gran had her kids all home birthed she had 4 kids at home as she had to look after the rest at the same time my grandad would be working. I needed help both times so wouldnt have gotten home birth but fair play if you do it. Not selfish just educated.

 

[DanielleM]

I had both my boys at hospital and that was through choice and necessity. E was born at 35 weeks gestation so obviously had the potentiol of needed SCBU (he didn't but needed so see the Paeds). J I was induced due to GD and he had to be resusitated on arrival so yes hospital was definatley the right choice for me.

I don't think it is selfish or selfless, I think it is a personal preference. But I do agree with Smelly about the whole issue if so many women decide to have homebirths, where will the 1:1 ration come when we have a lack of midwives as it is?

And I do also agree with the other poster about going against medical advice, I do think that is selfish.

 

[tina3747]

Potentially a huge part of her job is delivering babies at home though since homebirths are on the up id be very upset if I shared such a beautiful, private intimate moment with someone who hated being there. doesn't sit well with me at all. I'm not saying shes bad at her job, maybe just not suited for the community.

(i still feel the same about lotus births. i think theyre odd and unessecary and not even natural. animals in the wild dont leave their young attached for days. i dont think homebirths are the same thing)

I don't think it'd the xperience of being there, of course she loves delivering babies that's why she went into midwifery but I think there's alot of aspects as to why she doesn't like it such as her area being quite a way from a hospital, the negligence cases are on the up also and she said a lot of people lose it when they realise they wanted an epidural after all and still end up being transferred. Also the women who do end up in bother, obviously never know that at the time and a lot do end up that way. Like I said its reassuring knowing someone is at the end of a buzzer if need be. It's unfair of you to say she shouldn't be in community, just because someone doesn't relish one aspect of the experience doesn't mean to say they should think of doing something else. She'd never go back on to labour ward... She's born to do community...looking after people on an individual basis is what she does best. Unfortunately there's one bit (be it be ause of behind the scenes politics and personal reasons) shed probably opt out of if she could.
You say your midwives 'couldn't wait' for you to deliver at home, maybe they did feel that way but also they're not going to admit they're anxious or scared at home births are they. Maybe I was wrong to say she hates it. They're my words not hers.....
Anyway. Enough of the deb show.

 

[Blah11]

hm, i dont really think 'a lot' of homebirths end up with transfer. the vast majority stay at home.

 

[Blah11]

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirth2.htm

interesting read, especially the assistance rates. the main reason people transfer is failure to progress, not some huge emergency.

 

[tina3747]

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirth2.htm

interesting read, especially the assistance rates. the main reason people transfer is failure to progress, not some huge emergency.

Try getting a labouring lady into hospital who's adamant on a home birth!

I'm not suggesting for a minute that it's selfish or wrong to home birth, if that's what you want. But at some point you may need to go on your caregivers advice and not all ladies will take that advice.

Personally I wouldn't have one but that's me being pessimistic and thinking the worst. I had a perfectly healthy first pregnancy and birth and an event free pregnancy in my next, I quickly progressed to eclampsia in my first stages of labour.(although I now think it was helpp syndrome but that's another deb story). I don't think the entirety of the events that followed my very easy birth would have been picked up had I not been in hospital. ...
It must be lovely being at home , there's less stress , it's certainly going to be more relaxing than in a clinical environment. All that doesn't stop something cropping up mid labour. I think as long as you go with the advice that the midwives are telling you, it's perfectly safe.