Honest advice and opinions

[xZoeyx]

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and will try and keep this as short as possible.
Partner and I have both decided we would definitely like a second child. We already have a just 2 year old boy.

I am 25, he is 29.

Our reasons against are:
My concerns are we are currently in a hostel in UK. (Emergency council accommodation) this means we only have 2 rooms in total. We sleep in our lounge and our son has the only bedroom. With this we have a huge lack of space but we get by okay.
My other concern is postnatal depression. I suffered horrendously with my first, it's only really just starting to get better. I still have my bad days but mostly I am fine.

Our reasons for are:
We have only been in our current accommodation almost a year so we have another 4 years minimum here and we really don't want a large age gap between the kids, we would like both as close together as possible as I would eventually like to pursue a career so would need age on my side
The other thing is my Mum hot menopause very early in her 40's and apparently this is quite normal for the women in our family, which means I'm likely next and we have already said we would want 3-4 kids, I'm running out of time to do this!


I give my son everything that I am and I love him massively, but I still feel like there's a lot of love left to give.

What would you do?

 

[charliekay]

I honestly would wait until your have a more secure and suitable home. Could you not private rent a house? Rather than waiting for the council. I had post natal depression after my first but didnt have it at all after my second so you not garenteed to get it again but worrying about housing and space will not help when you have a new baby x

 

[xZoeyx]

The housing is secure as it comes being with the council. Unfortunately private is not an option - I've a terrible credit history as does my partner and we don't earn enough to afford private at the moment until I return to work.

There are 6 other people in this group of flats and all have 2 children and seem to get by just fine with lack of space etc.

Not trying to justify to myself, just trying to explain.

For me lack of space IS a problem because im a clean freak, it's my way of controlling my anxiety and I can't help but think there will be chaos with 2 kids and I'll be unable to keep everything clean!

 

[MindUtopia]

Personally, and this is just coming from my own experience and what would make me happy, but I would wait until you were in a better living and financial situation and you were feeling confident that you could go forward and cope well even if you did get postnatal depression again next time (basically, that you had dealt with any other stressors in your life, for me that would include finances and my housing situation). I do understand the pressures to have more children before you feel like you're getting older. I'm turning 36 shortly and we are waiting to have our second (probably next year). Even I feel like I still have plenty of time. At 25, you have plenty of time. Don't stress about that or feel pressured because of your age. That said, if you want 3-4 kids, do what you have to do now so you can provide for them and get yourself into a stable housing situation with stable finances so you're ready to take that leap. You can improve your credit history and you can work to get in a situation where you can rent privately if you save up. My husband and I have good professional jobs, able to privately afford a 4 bedroom house, really stable, and even still having a 2nd baby will be a considerable financial strain for us, not to mention exhausting and making a lot of extra work around the house just to get by. If you have experienced postnatal depression before, the last thing you want to risk is bringing a baby into a situation that might exacerbate financial and housing stress causing you to really struggle, especially if you can already see your anxiety flaring up around things. Basically, I would say just get yourselves together, make your financial and living situation as stable as it can be first, and then start to plan for another baby. You're young and you have plenty of time still.