hope after miscarriage

[jules444]

hello, ive never used one of these forums before but desperately need some help and advice because I'm struggling to cope with my second misscarrriage.(missed misscarriage) It happened 4 weeks ago, at 6 weeks, and I had a D&C.which was heartbreaking. I also had a misscarriage in january, again at 6 weeks and it happened naturally. There isnt alot of support available where I live I have a lovely supportive partener but I still feel desperatly lonely. I want to try again, but am scared that im not stong enough to go through this pain again. But they wont do tests etc..until a 3rd. any advice, positive stories would be hugely appriciated. x

 

[vickyd]

Hey Jules...Sorry for your losses hun, i know how hard it is to feel positive after 2 losses since i too have suffered similarly. It took me 5 months after my last loss to even contemplate ttc, emotionally i was sure i could not handle another loss. Im feeling more optimistic these days and i must admit that this is almost 100% the result of joining this community!!! I hope you too find the support and PMA to try again!

 

[heart tree]

Hi Jules, I'm glad you decided to join this forum. I've also suffered 2 losses and have had a very hard time feeling like a normal person again. Your losses were so close together and so recent. I can tell you it has taken me months to feel like I could even go one day without crying at some point during my day. I hate to use the cliche about time, but for me, time has helped to heal me. I know what you mean about feeling lonely. It seems that no one understands this kind of grief. My friends don't get how hard this has been for me. They don't acknowledge my losses as deaths in my family. They are moving on with their lives and have things to talk about, while I feel stuck in this place that I desperately want to change. It is sometimes hard to relate to them and I'm sure they find it hard to relate to me.

I joined this forum after my second loss and I'm so happy that I did. I've made some amazing friends who don't care if I talk about my losses all day long. They totally understand me. I feel much less lonely. I think it has helped me to regain hope as well. I've read some great tips on getting pregnant and have heard numerous success stories. These all give me hope that my day will come too. I hate that they often won't do tests for women until they've had 3 miscarriages. Sadly, the reason they wait this long is that 2 losses still isn't so uncommon and the losses might have nothing to do with one another. Knowing that makes me sad for all of us who have had 2 losses, but also makes me feel like I'm not alone or some freak of nature. It gives me absolute hope that the next one has a good chance of sticking.

Please continue to write here. I think it helps enormously to talk about your feelings.

xoxo

 

[jules444]

thank you vickyd, and heart tree, Im so grateful for your responses, and sad to hear you've gone through the same I hope all 3 of us have bumps really soon.

I've got my period today (after convincing myself I had ashermans syndrome...google is dangerous!) so Im kind of thinking we'll try next month- if im in a better head space. or maybe its too soon..time will tell. thank you again for replying to me, Ive spent hours and hours over the last 6 months reading everything written in these forums, I didnt know whether to join in or not.

Im so glad I did.

xoxo

 

[vickyd]

Ahhh!! Ashermans syndrome!!! I thought i had that too after my D&C!!! good to see im not the only hypocondriac around!!
Dont pressure yourself, take your time going through your emotions and the right time for ttc will come!

 

[Franki]

Sorry for your losses, Jules. It's such a difficult emotion to share and forums like BnB are a godsend to all of us who've been through it. You are certainly not alone and all that I can offer after 2 MC's and 2 healthy pregnancies is that, at no stage, must you give up hope. I know you'll get all the support you need right here and I hope your sticky BFP comes very, very soon!

 

[Allym0101]

Hey Jules.

I'm the same, I'm TTC number 1 after 3 losses. I am scared that the same thing will happen again, but i'm prepared to take the risk and I hope more than anything in the world that the risk will pay off.
I hadn't told any family or friends of my pregnancies as they were all so early on, so I only had my OH to speak to. But the other girls on here have got me through many a dark day and are a great support anytime I need them. I sure you'll find it the same xoxo

 

[MinnieMone]

Hi Jules

Welcome, and I'm really sorry for your losses. I'm sure you will find comfort from having taken the step to join and write a post, everyone here understands completely how you feel and it really does help to read others stories, it's so inspirational.

I have suffered 3 losses (in 8 months) and each time I thought I wouldn't feel strong enough to try again, but eventually you do get to a place where the pull of wanting a baby outweighs the pain and heartache that comes from the loss.... it will happen to everyone at different times so don't be too hard on yourself right now.

I decided to go privately after my second loss to try and find out if anything was wrong and although we didn't end up having all the tests (I got pregnant again during the testing and a third loss meant that my BUPA covered further testing), the whole amount would have been around a grand. You might find if you have a sympathetic GP that they will at least do the thrombophilia testing (my GP agreed to this after I cried on his shoulder about 3 times!), and this I think would rule out any clotting or thyroid (if you look at the recurrent miscarriage thread, there are a lot of details on testing).

I'm currently under Dr Shehata and waiting for my killer cells and chromosomal results on Monday, and it;s helping me to look forward and keep strong.

As others have said though mc is so common that 2 could still just be bloody bad luck, although i so wish this wasn't the case and we could all start having exploratory tests after 1.

There are many success stories on here.... I hope you start feeling more hopeful soon.

Rach

 

[sugarlove]

Rach, how did you manage to get private insurance?

I rang BUPA and asked if they would cover for pregnancy and investigations and they said they wouldn't!

Hope you're doing ok. I'm pleased to see that you're sounding so positive.

FX for sticky bean for you!

Ashley
x

 

[mmm3]

Hi all
I am 41 and was told yesterday of my 3rd loss.....went for 8 week scan and had gone a couple of days before...I had a mmc last year found out 2 days b4 12 week scan...the first one I had spotting at 5 weeks....I am trying so hard to brave....I never dealt with the first 2 very well and my hair has been falling out for some months which they could not find any reason for but stress or delayed reaction to a traumatic event. I started to feel better in myself from March and we were due to start ivf shortly when to my suprise I discovered I was pregnant and didnt even notice the symptoms... I am so scared I may now never be a mum...but no matter how hard the pain I know I must make myself continue to try.....never give up on your dream!!!

I am going to hospital tom afternoon and cant bear the thought of the empty feeling I will have when I leave there....but I have to keep telling myself these things happen for a reason....but right now it just feels so unfair.

I wish you all good luck and the happy ending we so wish for x

 

[Lucia]

Hi Jules. I just wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling. I have had 2 mmc since last September. The first we found out at our 11 week scan. The second we found out at our 7 week scan that we lost a twin pregnancy.

It is very hard to stay positive some days, but you just have to keep going on. I am scared to get another BFP but want to be a momma so much that I am willing to take the risk.

I find that reading inspiring stories of other women on this board has helped a lot. Don't lose hope. It will happen in time.

 

[jules444]

wow. First off..thank you- when I started this post I thought no one would respond! but am over whelmed by everyones support and positivity. It is so reasurring to not feel alone in all this sadness.

I would of had my 12week scan today- trying not to think about it- but the day I found out I was pregnant..so did my best friend. She has her scan today- i feel really selfish but I almost dont want to be part of it all. Anyways, I have to decide whether to try again this month or wait till next month. One minute I think yes,yes,yes, then I get all paranoid that over the last few weeks I havnt been at my healthiest, mentally and physically (indulging in red wine, coffee...minimal excersise....generally being lazy and depressed)...If we get pregnant a 3rd time, and i miscarry again I will blame myself for not being 100% healthy!

I get blood tests back tomorrow- my doctor ran a general test- and one measuring hormones on the 3rd day of cycle, does anyone know exactly what the results will be able to tell me? Im really confused...:-O

 

[Lucia]

wow. First off..thank you- when I started this post I thought no one would respond! but am over whelmed by everyones support and positivity. It is so reasurring to not feel alone in all this sadness.

I would of had my 12week scan today- trying not to think about it- but the day I found out I was pregnant..so did my best friend. She has her scan today- i feel really selfish but I almost dont want to be part of it all. Anyways, I have to decide whether to try again this month or wait till next month. One minute I think yes,yes,yes, then I get all paranoid that over the last few weeks I havnt been at my healthiest, mentally and physically (indulging in red wine, coffee...minimal excersise....generally being lazy and depressed)...If we get pregnant a 3rd time, and i miscarry again I will blame myself for not being 100% healthy!

I get blood tests back tomorrow- my doctor ran a general test- and one measuring hormones on the 3rd day of cycle, does anyone know exactly what the results will be able to tell me? Im really confused...:-O

What hormone were they testing?

I know what you mean about wanting to be totally healthy. I am trying really hard to lose a few pounds and just have a generally more optimistic attitude. Feeling down is definitely not good for your health.

 

[mommytoTandE]

welcome Jules... I am glad you decided to start here. There are so many fantastic, supportive and loving women on here. I just had a mc on Father's Day (pretty sure it was my second one - just didn't test back in March)... I have one friend that knows (since she was watching my two kids when I went for the blood work) and she never asks how I am doing. She just said "it was very early" Ugh.. the worst thing you could say. My hubby hasn't really said much - I only told him after the fact - since I was going to surprise him on Father's Day...

I hope we all get the sticky healthy beans that we so desire...

Again, I am so sorry for your loss... Have you tried baby asprin yet???

 

[mommytoTandE]

Jules, I know there is an at - home test that you take on the third day of you af... I got one free in a FRER box. It is called the First Response Fertility test for WOmen. I think it tells you how healthy your eggs are... by the follicale stimulating hormone (FSH).... The test insert says it assess your ovarian reserve - "your day 3 FSH level is an indicator of the quantity and quality of your eggs and thus your fertility potential"

hope this helps!!!

 

[KatyKat]

Jules, there is hope - don't let go of that!

I'm finally pregnant after 2 miscarriages, and we've made it past the magic 12 week mark, which is something I was starting to doubt we'd ever manage.

I'm not saying it was easy getting there, but in the grand scheme of things it turns out that 2 m/c's isn't so uncommon these days. Sounds harsh, but it's true, and statistically your chances are still very good of having another pregnancy, and a successful one at that!

Hang on in there, and make the most of the amazing support you'll find on this forum in the meantime. It helped me to get through it and kept me sane in the process

 

[jules444]

hey, thanks for your advice mommytoTandE,

Im sorry your going through this people tend to say the same old thing..'it was very early'..'at least it shows you can get pregnant'..blah blah blah...I really believe its impossible for people who havent been through it to understand. I hope hubby is comforting you, lots of tlc is needed.

I went to the docs and asked about baby asprin- and she said not to take it yet. Some of the hormone testing results came back, saying all in the normal range which is good news. I bought some clearblue ovulation tests,which are telling me the time is right..but ...its so so so hard. Im sitting here unable to make a decision about whether to go for it and try again this month. I feel like im perched on top of a very high cliff and need a big push! Every cell in my body aches to be pregnant agin- but I couldnt cope with 3 in 7 months. And the last 2 have put alot of strain on our relationship.

Katykat- congratulations how lovely, and you are a hope to us all. Do you mind me asking how long you waited before trying again? it must have been incrediable to go for the scan and see your baby. I pray for that day when I can walk out of the hospitle wearing a smile.

 

[meow951]

Glad you decided to come here! I've only had 1 mmc at 12 weeks and i lost bubs naturally but it is devastating! All the girls are so supportive here.

I think the convincing yourself you've got something wrong with you is normal. I conceived first cycle but since the mc i'm on cycle 3, and even though that isn't a long time i must have something wrong with me

It's lovely to have somewhere you can talk to other people in the same boat!

 

[stacey_]

i had one mmc in late may i was 9 weeks...
i had had a mc at 12 weeks, before i fell pregnant with my now 2 year old boy who was a great pregnancy and a natural, carefree labour...
i basically just wanted to tell u all.. i know its so hard, but think of that baby in your arms in the end.. hubby and i are TTC straight away and waiting on a positive again... hopefully... let us know how you go xx