"Horror stories" of pregnancy, birth and after.

[surprisedmama]

I didn't read through everything on this thread, as I'm up, down, and all around, but thank you all for sharing your stories. I will get to them today, promise!

Motherhood has been the most wonderful, most horrifying, most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. It's great, yet frustrating. There are some days, even with my daughter at 18 months old, that I want to run away and never look back. Obviously I never would do it, but it's crossed my mind.

It has NOT been easy for me with her and I literally have to take it day by day sometimes. I had her on the first day of my last semester of college. I was frantically emailing my professors while I was in labor begging them for help and promising them I wouldn't let them down and to please let me stay in their classes. We came home on a Sunday and I was doing homework online as soon as we were settled. A week after birth, I was back in class. Full time classes, I worked part time, and also was working at an internship. There were nights I had to set her in her crib a half hour before my DH got home and go sit in the shower crying because I couldn't do it.

Then, in May 2012, I started having severe gallbladder attacks. The day after Memorial Day in 2012, I had my gallbladder removed. Not such a bad thing, but I was cut off from exercise for 4 weeks. Nothing more than walking. Exercise is a huge stress release and even when I'm super busy, I make time for something. I was holding on by a thread and just lost it after the surgery. In June, I finally decided to see my primary doctor and was diagnosed with PPD and put on Zoloft. We agreed that it would be temporary and I was able to come off in December before getting pregnant. I was able to get back into exercise and the medication helped as well.

The biggest thing I've learned/am working on, is that I'm not Super Woman and I can't do it all. It's okay to ask for help. I was amazed at how many people have gone through similar things as me. My mom was my rock through it all. She never told me to "just be happy" or "be happy I have a healthy baby". She told me it would suck sometimes and that it sucked for her when she had us. But, all those times are much less than the great times and it wouldn't always be bad and down.

Thankfully, my husband and I know the signs to watch out for and will be super careful this time around. I'll not hesitate to reach out for help if things get bad. Taking medication or asking for help doesn't make us bad moms, that was huge for me. If I need it, so be it.

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

The biggest thing I've learned/am working on, is that I'm not Super Woman and I can't do it all. It's okay to ask for help. I was amazed at how many people have gone through similar things as me. My mom was my rock through it all. She never told me to "just be happy" or "be happy I have a healthy baby". She told me it would suck sometimes and that it sucked for her when she had us. But, all those times are much less than the great times and it wouldn't always be bad and down.

Your mom is a wise woman...And so are you. and you are right..asking for help never means you are being a bad mom and should never make anyone feel like a failure. It's something to take pride in if anything that are willing to admit you are not perfect and want the best for your child.

And you have certainly haven't had it easy either...but I admire you so much for not giving up on school and putting up with it even through the struggles of being a mom. It is hard but I promise you that it will all pay off in the end and it will get easier in time!!

 

[Dk1234]

For me, there is a difference between 'after baby was born... this is what I went through' and 'omg labour was the worst thing i've ever experienced and I almost died!'

I wish that more mothers had truthfully told me what they went through after they brought baby home... that it was hard, that it was an adjustment... that it was normal to feel like you weren't ready...

But I couldn't care less about labour horror stories - it's a scary enough time, even when I've already been through it and know how worth it it all is... no one needs those extra fears weighing on them. IMO.

There is plenty of time after baby is born to compare lol.

We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this. All my friends were like "pushing isn't hard, it only took 30 mins, blah blah, 3 pushes". So when it took me 3 hours to push out my son, I felt like a failure it was devestating to me. He was nearly 10 pounds mind you but it seriously depressed me.

 

[bekkie]

For me, there is a difference between 'after baby was born... this is what I went through' and 'omg labour was the worst thing i've ever experienced and I almost died!'

I wish that more mothers had truthfully told me what they went through after they brought baby home... that it was hard, that it was an adjustment... that it was normal to feel like you weren't ready...

But I couldn't care less about labour horror stories - it's a scary enough time, even when I've already been through it and know how worth it it all is... no one needs those extra fears weighing on them. IMO.

There is plenty of time after baby is born to compare lol.

We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this. All my friends were like "pushing isn't hard, it only took 30 mins, blah blah, 3 pushes". So when it took me 3 hours to push out my son, I felt like a failure it was devestating to me. He was nearly 10 pounds mind you but it seriously depressed me.

Not sure what we're disagreeing on? did they tell you before hand that it only took them 30 minutes? if so... then that's exactly what I'm saying - there's no need for you to know that. It took me a heck of a lot more than 30 minutes and 3 pushes too!

 

[Livebythesea]

I suffered from depression and infertility before becoming pregnant after 8 years of trying. My depressions started the year I found out the fertility issue was on my end. I am hoping that I will not have PPD since a lot of what depressed me was my fertility issues in the first place.

For those who have suffered from PPD please can you tell me what did or did not help you? How did you finally get out of it?

Great thread - thank you.

 

[Dk1234]

For me, there is a difference between 'after baby was born... this is what I went through' and 'omg labour was the worst thing i've ever experienced and I almost died!'

I wish that more mothers had truthfully told me what they went through after they brought baby home... that it was hard, that it was an adjustment... that it was normal to feel like you weren't ready...

But I couldn't care less about labour horror stories - it's a scary enough time, even when I've already been through it and know how worth it it all is... no one needs those extra fears weighing on them. IMO.

There is plenty of time after baby is born to compare lol.

We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this. All my friends were like "pushing isn't hard, it only took 30 mins, blah blah, 3 pushes". So when it took me 3 hours to push out my son, I felt like a failure it was devestating to me. He was nearly 10 pounds mind you but it seriously depressed me.

Not sure what we're disagreeing on? did they tell you before hand that it only took them 30 minutes? if so... then that's exactly what I'm saying - there's no need for you to know that. It took me a heck of a lot more than 30 minutes and 3 pushes too!

Just that people should only tell you the good stuff about labor to not scare you. I'm not starting an issue with you or anything

 

[bekkie]

k... that isn't what I was trying to say, I didn't say it was good to share positive labour stories while you're pregnant but not negative ones... sorry if you misunderstood what I was trying to say. my 'after I was born, this is what I went through' comment was in reference to how it was once baby was home... the lack of sleep, the adjustment period... etc, nothing to do with time in the hospital.

 

[Dk1234]

k... that isn't what I was trying to say, I didn't say it was good to share positive labour stories while you're pregnant but not negative ones... sorry if you misunderstood what I was trying to say. my 'after I was born, this is what I went through' comment was in reference to how it was once baby was home... the lack of sleep, the adjustment period... etc, nothing to do with time in the hospital.

Ok I took it as you think people should share the horror stories about once you're home but not horror stories about labor. I guess I'm just confused by your post

 

[wristwatch24]

k... that isn't what I was trying to say, I didn't say it was good to share positive labour stories while you're pregnant but not negative ones... sorry if you misunderstood what I was trying to say. my 'after I was born, this is what I went through' comment was in reference to how it was once baby was home... the lack of sleep, the adjustment period... etc, nothing to do with time in the hospital.

I agree with you. I think any type of "oh this is what happened to me at the hospital" story is kind of pointless because it is in no way helpful. And that goes for a positive or negative story. Someone might tell me labor was easy and I go in and it's horrific...even the positive story wasn't helpful!

 

[Dk1234]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

 

[wristwatch24]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

I see what you're saying. I think what most people here (at least I am) are talking about are when friends share these stories. I have friends that I swear say things just to freak me out or try to cause stress or prove something by sharing the worst possible thing that could happen. Here in forums I expect to see it all and it doesn't bother me at all. That's how I learn about the different things to expect. Hope that clears up at least my point of view!

 

[Dk1234]

I think sometimes women do just try to scare people or sound like they went through more than they did or they are the strongest blah blah. Sort of Kim to the male pissing contest. But I've told all my friends my delivery story because I'm genuinely proud of it. I think they all know my story is not gonna be their story though because I birth giants. Not your normal baby factory here.

 

[Dk1234]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

I see what you're saying. I think what most people here (at least I am) are talking about are when friends share these stories. I have friends that I swear say things just to freak me out or try to cause stress or prove something by sharing the worst possible thing that could happen. Here in forums I expect to see it all and it doesn't bother me at all. That's how I learn about the different things to expect. Hope that clears up at least my point of view!

I love your signature. I had that scripture on the nursery wall til we moved. Then I didn't replace it because this baby was a total shock and I somehow felt really bad having it on the baby's wall that I had prayed for so hard and not on the oppsies wall. Ha ha

 

[wristwatch24]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

I see what you're saying. I think what most people here (at least I am) are talking about are when friends share these stories. I have friends that I swear say things just to freak me out or try to cause stress or prove something by sharing the worst possible thing that could happen. Here in forums I expect to see it all and it doesn't bother me at all. That's how I learn about the different things to expect. Hope that clears up at least my point of view!

I love your signature. I had that scripture on the nursery wall til we moved. Then I didn't replace it because this baby was a total shock and I somehow felt really bad having it on the baby's wall that I had prayed for so hard and not on the oppsies wall. Ha ha

LOL that's funny!

I have a feeling my baby is gonna be huge too because the women in my family tend to all have big ones!

 

[Dk1234]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

I see what you're saying. I think what most people here (at least I am) are talking about are when friends share these stories. I have friends that I swear say things just to freak me out or try to cause stress or prove something by sharing the worst possible thing that could happen. Here in forums I expect to see it all and it doesn't bother me at all. That's how I learn about the different things to expect. Hope that clears up at least my point of view!

I love your signature. I had that scripture on the nursery wall til we moved. Then I didn't replace it because this baby was a total shock and I somehow felt really bad having it on the baby's wall that I had prayed for so hard and not on the oppsies wall. Ha ha

LOL that's funny!

I have a feeling my baby is gonna be huge too because the women in my family tend to all have big ones!

The women in my family all have normal size babies. My mom's biggest was 8 lbs and even my husband was only 8lbs 6 Ozs at a week overdue but somehow I've been graced with ten pound babies and that's at a week early (thank good was I had a blood clotting issue that required induction at 39 weeks or he could have been up to 13 pounds). This one is looking even bigger. But big babies are such a blessing really. He slept great and if he had ever gotten sick I wouldn't have had to worry as much about weight loss and stuff.

 

[bekkie]

I guess I just think on a site like this people should share all the stories. I feel so much more informed now that I'm a part of groups of mommies and I know all kinds of different stories. I tell all kinds of people my horrible delivery story because I'm proud Of it now. I think it's hard to expect women not to talk about their labor. Especially on a site like this. I just think women should hear it all, the good and the bad and realize that everyone's experience is different. You shouldn't have any expectations of labor or once you're home because every story and every baby and every mama is different

Yeah we're saying the same thing just in different languages. It's different sharing your experiences on a site like this, and walking up to someone you work with who is expecting their first child and telling them how horrible childbirth is

 

[bekkie]

I suffered from depression and infertility before becoming pregnant after 8 years of trying. My depressions started the year I found out the fertility issue was on my end. I am hoping that I will not have PPD since a lot of what depressed me was my fertility issues in the first place.

For those who have suffered from PPD please can you tell me what did or did not help you? How did you finally get out of it?

Great thread - thank you.

I had PPD - major to me, but minor in the grand scheme of things I'm sure... what helped me the most was talking to, and being open with, my husband. Mine was a mixture of hormones, extreme lack of sleep, difficulties breastfeeding, not seeing DH anymore (when he was home, I slept - so we went from spending most waking hours together to never seeing each other), and the weather (February in Canada - it's depressing in itself).

I was scared to tell anyone how I felt because I thought I'd be seen as a bad mom, but there's no reason to be ashamed if you do feel that way... it's better to be honest and get help if needed than try to go through it yourself.

 

[Livebythesea]

I suffered from depression and infertility before becoming pregnant after 8 years of trying. My depressions started the year I found out the fertility issue was on my end. I am hoping that I will not have PPD since a lot of what depressed me was my fertility issues in the first place.

For those who have suffered from PPD please can you tell me what did or did not help you? How did you finally get out of it?

Great thread - thank you.

I had PPD - major to me, but minor in the grand scheme of things I'm sure... what helped me the most was talking to, and being open with, my husband. Mine was a mixture of hormones, extreme lack of sleep, difficulties breastfeeding, not seeing DH anymore (when he was home, I slept - so we went from spending most waking hours together to never seeing each other), and the weather (February in Canada - it's depressing in itself).

I was scared to tell anyone how I felt because I thought I'd be seen as a bad mom, but there's no reason to be ashamed if you do feel that way... it's better to be honest and get help if needed than try to go through it yourself.

Can you tell me how you got help and what was helpful to you?

Thank you very much

 

[AmarettiEtJus]

I avoid horror stories of birth. As mentioned previously - I would like to live in a world of bliss, as opposed to one of fear. I too had (what I would call) a traumatic birth experience, but I would avoid retelling that story to someone who is pregnant. If, in the aftermath of our pregnancies/labors, they want to discuss their experience, then I am happy to discuss theirs as well as mine.

 

[shanny]

As Forrest Gump Said - Life is like a box of chocolates - well so is being pregnant/birth/the bit afterwards

Its all different from one person to the next and we all to need to share at some point.........good or bad.................that's just real life ...................when a baby is born after you know the sex weight what do us women want to know ..............the labour story

some bits are better than others and I think being prepared for anything and knowing good and bad stuff just helps us

when you are a FTM you perhaps don't want to know the real horror stories but just by watching OBEM you get a grasp of the range of experiences..............