How bad is it raising a child without knowing it's father?

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by trinaestella, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    So basically, I have got pregnant with my ex boyfriend who is a muslim, but the thing is he doesn't want me to keep the baby. And then he says he wants me to keep it and turn it muslim and he wants it to be a boy, he just keeps giving me mixed signals about what he wants.

    And then he's telling me to abort again because he doesn't know how his child is going to meet his parents and blah blah. I think his family are racist to be honest, and they certainly won't accept me because I am not muslim :cry:

    Do you think I should just get rid of him out of my life forever and let me raise my baby on my own? I just don't know how she/he will grow without having or knowing it's dad?

    Me personally I don't know my biological parents, but I am fine but that is only because I have been adopted into a loving home... I am just worried and I need help, I feel like the only person going through it.:sad2::(
     
  2. whoops

    whoops Just me and my LO

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    :hugs:

    My LO hasn't met her dad yet - he wasn't able to deal with me being pregnant at all and it was easier for both of us to cut contact. He pays maintenance but I don't know when, if ever, he'll want more.

    It's hard but you know, once your LO is here, you find that you just get on with things. I know that one day, my LO will ask me where her dad is but until that day comes along, I just carry on as normal. Plenty of kids do grow up without knowing their dad and while it's not an ideal situation, once they get plenty of love from their mum and the rest of their family, they're fine.

    And you never know - you might meet someone in the future who's happy to take you and your LO on.
     
  3. anna matronic

    anna matronic Mummy to Evan :-)

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    ^^^^^^^^^^^ As above. Evan has never seen his dad. As it stands he won't either. his choice not mine, not that I care much, I run him over if I saw him lol!!

    But it is a case of bringing up my son as best I can and deal with it when the time comes x
     
  4. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    My LO has never met his "dad" My ex doesn't even know that he had a son (his choice, not mine - he cut all contact)

    Sending you lots of hugs :hugs: xx
     
  5. Lovelymummy

    Lovelymummy Guest

    Having an on again off again dad would be worse. My kids dad is very inconsistent about wanting to be in their lives and it just confuses them.
     
  6. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    i grew up not knowing my dad as he really wasnt bothered but my mum always told us about him and really he was a total waste of space and im happy he wasnt in my life!

    really it is only u who can make this choice and if FOB is trying to get u to have abortions then he doesnt seem worth it.
     
  7. sophxx

    sophxx Well-Known Member

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    if hes a rubbish dad and in and out of los life then your lo doesnt need someone like him

    as for his family not accepting you thats really tough situation and i feel for your ex there to as they have so much family pressure and its hard to break away. my df is a muslim and our lo doesnt see his grandma or auties uncles on that side as we wasnt a arranged marrigae and were from two different cultures. he does see one uncle auntie and cousin which is nice but he has his dad thats what matters. would your ex not step up to the plate and be a dad with out having the pressure of telling his parents or them seeing lo? as for you being a muslim he dated you knowing what you are so dont be forced to changed me and oh respcet each others opinons and i have read about his religion so i can teach my lo about it

    if you ever need to chat pm me x
     
  8. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    Thank you everyone :cry:

    & its so nice to not be alone, I just feel like I am at the moment.
     
  9. v2007

    v2007 Well-Known Member

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    My eldest met her Dad 3 times all when she was a baby and she has never seen him since.

    She is now 11.

    She is fine, never had any problems.

    I am sure she will want to meet him at some point but i will crsoo that bridge when i come to it.

    V xxx
     
  10. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    i had the chance to meet my dad a yr ago and i thought u bloody wanker! i hadnt seen him ever and now he wants to see me.....i did bother.

    i grew up without him so i didnt need him, i never felt like i missed out on anything
     
  11. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    Awww. You girls :hugs:
    You know in every section every one has a boyfriend and is either married, and they are both in a happy stable relationship.

    Me and my FOB are currently dating, but it's so complicated and we aren't going to last til next Feb.. it's so sad because the baby is due the day after our 1 year anniversary :( It would be so perfect if we last together :cry:
     
  12. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    in a ideal world every child would have a mum and dad who are happily married ect but life doesnt work out that way sometimes, u never no FOB might grow up n u cud end up really happy.
    id love my boys to grow up with their dad but they cant for different reasons, they wont no any differently its just me who will be worrying.

    relax and just see what happens, ur only 4 weeks ive got loads of time to think about what the future holds
     
  13. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    you're too right! I am only 4 weeks like you said, and it's just early days. I think I have been worrying too much because this is my first pregnancy and ever since I was a younger girl I have always dreamed of having my first child with the boy I love and we end up together forever, but you know not every fairy tale has a happy ending.. so I am going to calm down, and I am going to just watch out for my health and this little embryos health, and I am going to enjoy this pregnancy.:happydance:
     
  14. sineady

    sineady S,L,J,PS

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    My son has not seen his dad since he was 5 weeks old. That was his choice not mine. I dont think he ever will see him either tbh. I do sometimes wish he had a father in his life, but his dad is a total waste of oxygen. I think my son would be better of without him. plus Lewis has my dad as a male role model :)
     
  15. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    I guess grandaddys are great use aswell, I think my brother would be a better role model for my child but then again my baby is due 3 days before my dads bday so it could go either way lol:shrug:
     
  16. sineady

    sineady S,L,J,PS

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    or your baby could be greedy and have both :D honestly though hun don't stress yourself out about it all. what ever happens babba will always have its mothers love :)
     
  17. elsmogro

    elsmogro Well-Known Member

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    I was the same, i thought i would have my first baby with someone i was in love with and we would live happily ever after and all that lol

    now i relise that this is my own presonal fairy tale and my happy ending will be me and my daughter living happily ever after...and of course i can take all the credit for my brilliant little one :happydance:

    try not to stress, just think about yourself and your little one and you will be fine :) i grew up without a father until my mother married when i was 10 and i was completly fine :) also my biological father is a complete waste of space from what i know about him and my dad who my mum married when i was 10 is a great father and will be an awesome grandfather too :) xxx
     
  18. mommy43

    mommy43 isabel's mummy

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    i also believe one loving parent stable home life is better than 2 parents fighting n one in n out all the time
     
  19. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    Definitely true, if I tell my child why dad wasn't around, what he believed in and how he treated me, I am sure that would be good enough reason for my child to accept that and understand where I am coming from, but I have no argument for him not to see the child.. I doubt he will be around for long and I strongly mean this by the bottom of my heart.
     
  20. mommy43

    mommy43 isabel's mummy

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    i think the best thing u can do in that situation is be totaly honest
    once lo grows up explain how u see the situation
    my older childrens dad completely stopped contact about 7yrs ago, i never stopped him it was his choice, as they have grown up they have asked questions n i just gave them age appropriate answers they are now teenagers nearly adults n have always known who their father is n the choice he made
    it does make me sad sometimes he missed everything, i had a huge realization a couple of yrs ago my son was run over n was extremely lucky to be alive (he went through the cars windscreen n came out with just bruises!!) that he dosent even know they are alive n well:( how could he not make the effort to atleast find that out for himself??
     

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