How bad is it raising a child without knowing it's father?

[trinaestella]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry about your son thank the LORD he is okay, you truly have been blessed. That sounds so traumatizing to go through, and very scary. So glad your sons okay, but as for the father yes it is his choice and he made it, we can't do anything about it .. although I wish we could just work a magic spell and change their minds, but we can't

My FOB could easily get his family to hunt me down, and beat me up so bad that I lose the baby, his family are all thugs and drug dealers, I was such a silly person to mess with him, and I don't want my baby in that mess so I think it's for the best anyway. I'm just scared of the outcome that I am going to get when I have this baby, and the reaction to not having a father, I guess it's just me being a potential mother and worrying. I really am scared for myself and this LO. But I have to trust in myself, and know that everything will be fine, just keep myself healthy and safe... and try not to go places I know he'll be about

 

[mommy43]

sounds like your lo is definatly better off not knowing his family
i think no matter the situation we worry about our lo's stay strong n keep safe you will do just fine by your lo im sure

 

[trinaestella]

Thank you so so much for your kindness and advice

 

[Stepie1234]

My 8 year old has nvr met her father and doesn't care much she was raised around myself her grandma and aunt only tho so i do with she would've had a male important role in her family. Now my 3 new ones won't know their father either it's not by my choice but if it was i would have left him before they got here becuz i can do the single mom thing and i'm more comfortable with tht too.

 

[jocelynmarie]

Its a tough situation. FOB wants to be a part of my peanuts life, but he lives in England and I'm in the States... its a long sorted tale that I won't go into.

Anyways, he's coming in for the birth, 2 weeks before I'm due, to start paternity proceedings. I am not allowing him in the hospital for the birth or recovery because he brings me nothing but stress. I've told him he can spend SOME time with him when we are home and settled, but I'm not sharing my maternity time with him.

Then who knows when he'll see him again. Every time, it'll be like introducing my son to a stranger all over again. I think it will be confusing for him and it makes me so sad.

 

[Weeplin]

Aimee has never met her dad and she is fine hon

I also grew up without my father and I am perfectly fine with it and I have never missed it.

 

[littlekitten8]

James hasn't seen his dad since he was 3 months old. His choice. He will never see him either. He has amazing role models in my brothers and my dad. Sounds like you and your baby will be better off without that kind of stress. Good luck with it all. The ladies in here are awesome x

 

[lily2011]

Don't worry love. I am single and just now entering the 3rd trimester. I used to worry a lot how FOB doesn't want to be involved and how devastating it will be for my baby to never know her father, but now I don't even want him involved. He has always told me I was "sick" for wanting to bring a child into this world without a father (aka I should have terminated!) so I don't want someone with that mentality around anyways. I will give my daughter so much love, plus my father is so excited to be a granddaddy and I also have hope I will meet a wonderful man one day who is nothing like FOB! So don't worry, you are not alone

 

[AbbynChloe]

I always thought it was important to have A father/father figure in a childs life. I grew up with my alcoholic dad coming in and out of my life. he is currently very ill (due to his alcoholism) and being looked after in a care home. I can honestly say I don't know how I feel about him.

Knowing this I was devastated when Chloe's dad told me he did not want to be involved - just the odd picture and update now and again. I said no. it's not fair on Chloe as we both made her she deserves to know you.

I have learnt since then you cannot force a father to be involved, I do everything in my power to make Chloe feel secure and loved.

At the end of the day, I told Chloe's dad, It could get to the stage where Chloe feels nothing towards you - I hope he can live with that.

I'm sorry I rambled on a bit - I don't think it's bad to raise a child without a father. Its harder but not impossible, millions do it everyday
xxxxx

 

[xJG30]

Tom's only seen his dad 3 times in over 2 years.. he doesn't need him and one day you'll meet someone new, who will look after you & LO.

 

[Lara+sam+bump]

I have never met my Dad and I dont feel like I missed out, sometimes as a child i'd feel jealous of my friends, but at least I never heard arguements and I had plenty of love xx

 

[LunaBean]

I used a sperm donor and my baby will probably never meet him, I know a few kids who have 'waste of space' dads who come in and out of their lives all the time which is confusing/upsetting for them, so personally I prefer that I wont have that hassle! He'll be able to have contact at 18 if its wanted tho

 

[MidnightSun]

LunaBean you brave thing you! Can I ask when/what you plan to say to your LO about the father?

To the OP - in all honesty I think you are best off without him, it doesn't sound like you or your child would ever be accapted, and I don't know about anyone else but as soon as my ex started talking about the 'A' word I told him to piss off, which he did!! As for him saying he wants a boy etc... that's heading into dodgy terrirory. What will he do if your bump is pink then? Walk away?!?!

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I think it is harder for a child when the absent parent is inconsistent and lets the child down etc. If the child never knows the parent, I don't think they ever feel the hurt or pain they do when they are hurt and let down by the parent they do know. The child will probably ask questions at some point down the line but because they don't know the parent the emotional tie isn't so great so IMO it's less likely to affect them, well not anywhere near as it would if they got to know the parent, loved them, but that parent then wasn't consistent etc.

Being alone and pregnant is hard and emotional, i've done it! I provided everything on my own and did it all alone. Yes I had family and friends but knowing that the other parent isn't interested cuts really deep, but you got to be strong for your baby, and when LO arrives, you will feel so proud to know you did it all on your own and provided for that child 100%.

x