How bad is not sleeping ever

[kneeswrites]

I feel like a zombie. I'm a SAHM and my husband is at school 6 days a week so I still take care of her by myself on his day off and I have struggled all my life with delayed sleep phase disorder, which basically means my body clock is backwards. Like my brain thinks it's time to be awake at night, and sleepy time during the day. It used to be mild, like I'd go to sleep at midnight or one or so, but now I can't sleep until five a.m. Or later. And since my daughter wakes up at around five you can see how that's working for me. My only sleep is literally like two hours when she naps in the afternoon. So I'm getting maybe 3 at the maximum hours of sleep per day. Sometimes I'm so exhausted from sleep deprivation that I fall asleep early, like at nine p.m. or so, but then I always wake up at midnight and stay up like normal from there.

I am losing my mind. I am so tired but when night falls my brain is wide awake, even though I want to sleep. I literally can't sleep. I'm basically immune to Benadryl, which was what saved me through high school, but now I'm so tolerant it doesn't do anything but make me feel extremely anxious and disoriented. I've tried teas. I've tried hypnosis. Relaxation/ASMR videos used to help me but lately they don't work anymore for sleep.

I have no energy to do anything. I'm a horrible mother. My husband is mad all the time because I don't do anything with my daughter other than watch movies, read books, and color. He says stuff like "You don't really love her, you don't show it." I am trying my best to keep her happy and entertained every day and I really don't have it in me to do anything extra and I feel horrible. It makes me feel like the worst person.

I need to reset my body clock by adjusting my sleep schedule but I can't do that with a toddler who I am watching 24/7 so I'm stuck in this limbo and I don't know what to do. And the last several days have been the worst and I'm feeling horrible physically, my chest is tight and my lower back is killing me and I'm terrified I'm hurting my baby because I'm not able to sleep. I've lost 25 pounds since I got pregnant. I was fat but still.

Please tell me what to do

 

[Rainstorm]

Maybe put her to bed a bit later so she wakes up later and you get some more sleep? I know she should have a schedule, but it's no point keeping it if it's not working.

 

[LilianA]

With all of my pregnancies i get to a point were i cant sleep at night and my doctor put me on ambien every time and it is safe during pregnancy maybe you should ask for it .. It will defenately put you to sleep for a good 6 hours.. But you cant use it while breastfeeding if your planning on it

 

[aley28]

I don't know how not sleeping affects pregnancy, but in general it will just over-stress your body and deplete your adrenals. Your body requires sleep to heal and grow.

I am presuming your husband knows about your sleep disorder? In which case he ought to be doing SOMETHING to help. Like getting his ass out of bed at 5am with her so that you can sleep. I'm a SAHM as well, and my husband works 12 hour shifts, but he can still find ways to help me out and is more than willing to use his days off to care for the kids if I need him to. I see no reason why your husband can't do the same - if all he can do is take her for one day a week so that you can sleep all day long, then that's a step forward!!

If he doesn't know about the severity of your sleep disorder, educate him!!

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

In the hours of the night that you can't sleep, do you at least lay quietly in the dark and rest? Stay off all electronics, close your book, turn off the TV, etc - and just rest?

 

[Spudtastic]

Hi.
Have you tried tart cherry juice? you can get juice or tablets (jjust a cherry sweet really) and take it 30 minutes before you try to go to bed. It helps to produce a chemical in your body to help you sleep. It can take a good three weeks before it works but it has results.

 

[Spudtastic]

I'm sorry to read that dh calls you a bad mother when he doesn't help. I also do all the caring for my dd too (she's just a little older than your lo) but my dh encourages me. Some days we also just colour etc. You don't have to be doing a different craft every day to be a good mum.
when you are pregnant you have to do what gets you through.

I have just bought a gro clock for my dd which works a bit. It has a night time sky for night and a sun for day. You program the time for the sun to come up. My dd always wakes up at 5am too but I have the sun programmed to 6 and I can normally get her to snuggle or sleep for a bit longer because of it.

I think your husband could help you more but I don't know how to go about it. If I did my husband would help me more too.

 

[MnGmakes3]

Try melatonin. It's OTC. I took one about an hour before bedtime. It's all natural, your body already makes it, but could just use a little more. Good luck!


Not sleeping doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you human

 

[kneeswrites]

Thank you guys sooo much for the support. I think more than anything I just needed someone to be nice to me lol.

My husband is a dick, I love him dearly and he's my best friend but he's a dick. He doesn't believe my sleep disorder is a thing, when I complain about my sleeping problems he says "Go to bed early!" It's like talking to a wall. He doesn't get it. He also doesn't think depression is a legitimate thing (well, in theory he does, but not when it applies to me) and he thinks that since he works all day he shouldn't have to do anything with our daughter beyond "fun" things like playing. If she starts to throw a fit it's "Go to mommy!" And yet when I was working 50 hours a week I still got to change all her diapers and take over mama duty as soon as I got home because he'd be all "I had her all day!" Lawd. I actually quit my job because I missed my daughter so much. I know how much he loves her but it's like he thinks he's exempt from parenting or something. A lot of it has to do with our situation, we're living with my grandfather and it's extremely stressful, but I am so tired of not getting any slack with him. I need to be able to function too!

He's gotten to be less of a dick over the months as I stand my ground more. Months ago I couldn't even take a bath because he wouldn't watch our daughter, or he'd make me wait until her bedtime. Finally I was like "Hey mofo, I'm taking a bath, sorry."

I don't MIND taking care of our daughter all the time, I really don't. I love spending every day with her and I don't get sick of her or anything. I just wish I got some appreciation from him. But it's just "You don't do this or this or this or this," and it is really sad. And he's made a bunch of new friends at school and he goes out with them all the time, like swimming and dinners and dancing, and he never lets me come with him, because he says "they're MY friends, you should make your own friends!" I have one friend, she lives an hour away. My other two friends I lost over drama. I have no social life. His new friend called me crazy and blocked me on fb and is being weird and bitchy about me being pregnant, as if it's my "fault" and not Jonny's, and so now I can't hang out with them either. So I'm always home. How the hell am I supposed to make friends?! I'm socially awkward and I don't know how to talk to people and I don't have the energy to go anywhere.

When our daughter was born, I was incapacitated for about two weeks and he completely took care of her other than feeding her since I was bfing. Every diaper, every bath, etc, was all him. Since I was able to take care of her, I'd say it's probably been 80% me, 10% my mom helping me, and 10% him. And yet when I bring up needing more from him he actually holds the first two weeks of her life over my head. like WTF?! THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO! I had just given birth! I think I made up for my two weeks of laziness with the two years of 24/7 childcare that I don't even complain about!

I'm going to be working again soon. He won't be able to hold the whole "I go to school 40 hours a week" thing over my head and maybe I'll have some leverage. Ughhhh. I don't want to divorce him or anything lol like I said I love him but GAWD HE IS SUCH A DICK.

If you can't tell, I'm manic tonight and can't sleep, again
It feels good to rant about hubby to people who understand more.

 

[bathbabe]

I have no advice hun but here.... xxxx