How can I control my anxiety?

[onetwothreebp]

I am having severe anxiety regarding the gender of my child.

I have a terrible relationship with my mother and with my sisters. I have never gotten along with them. I have been betrayed and burnt by "best friends" before and learned to trust myself and my OH only. I don't have a lot of 'girlfriends' or anything, I usually hang out with my husband or with him and his friends. I have a few girl friends but I only see them twice a year or so.

I'm not very maternal, I didn't want children at all but agreed to 2 for my husband's sake. When we were pregnant with our son, I wanted a boy so bad. I got nervous and had panic attacks plenty until I could finally have a scan and find out. I was so relieved to hear I was having a boy because I feel like more maternal instincts are required with daughters and I don't want a relationship with my daughter like I had with my mother.

Now I am pregnant with #2. Even before I was pregnant, the gender was on my mind, every once in awhile the thought would cross my mind and I'd stop and give thought to it. However, it's gotten A LOT worse since I became pregnant - my anxiety is now full blown and I am PETRIFIED of having a daughter.

I don't find out for another 2.5 weeks (and that's even if baby cooperates!) but how can I calm my anxiety? What if it's a girl? What if I have a daughter? How can I survive gender disappointment? I want another little bo sooo badly, my son deserves a best friend.

Any tips/advice/stories welcome!

 

[MelliPaige]

I Want a boy too...I don't have any tips because I'm anxious myself but you're not alone!

 

[onetwothreebp]

It's relieving to know I'm not alone!

 

[Pearls18]

I don't know the answer sorry, when do you find out?

 

[onetwothreebp]

A week from today

I barely slept last night because I kept having weird dreams about a little girl planting sunflowers in my eyes and eating my brains.... I need to stop playing plants vs zombies before I sleep.

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

Awww hun, you may be getting anxious over nothing, hope you get your boy. I had a couple of girl dreams with DS2 and he is all boy, so don't think dreams determine gender really. Hope the week goes fast for you and either way you come to terms with things xxx

 

[onetwothreebp]

Thanks doll, I really hope that is the case. I will SOB tears of joy if they announce its a boy.

I am doing my best to prepare myself that it may be a girl, I keep glancing at girl things at the stores and imagining myself with a son and daughter. It makes me break out into a cold sweat but I'm trying to condition myself so it's not such a shock.

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

That is a great way to deal with things. In my second pregnancy, even though I had feelings it was a boy, I mentally tried to prepare for a girl(like you, I wanted boys). At the scan, I had the tech write it on a piece of paper and give it to DH, I didn't want to hear at the scan and cry or something. When DH told me it was a boy, I cried of joy and relief! Crazy thing is, looking back, I would have been just fine had it been a girl. My opinion has changed I guess, I could see having a girl as they are just as wonderful. I know the anxiety is horrible, I had it too, but take on day at a time and things will be okay no matter the outcome xxx

 

[shayzee]

Hey hun, its a tricky position to be in , i was exactly the same a year ago - i desperately wanted a 2nd ds & fretted the whole way through my pregnancy ( i decided to stay team yellow-i think i did the right thing because i know it would have been much harder for me ) . Although throughout my pregnancy when i went shopping & i saw something i liked for a baby girl - i did buy it; so i didnt mind the thought of having a dd ( i just wanted my dd to be my no.3 & last baby- silly i know but thats what ive always had in my head!) i had panic attacks & became depressed after i had my dd - but obviously i love her to bits,shes growing up to be a naughty little madam & her brother loves her so much - my ds wanted a brother SO bad too & refused to come to the hospital to see her!!!But he did come & became protective of her as soon as she came home - now as soon as he comes home from school he looks for her before me to give her kisses & if i take her to school he becomes so proud & happy that shes there!!
I pray your wish comes true but if you do have a dd , please dont worry you will be fine - its natural after all , you're a mother you'll know how to love her,

 

[Pearls18]

A week from today

I barely slept last night because I kept having weird dreams about a little girl planting sunflowers in my eyes and eating my brains.... I need to stop playing plants vs zombies before I sleep.

Good luck, mine is Friday, I know we want different things but I can totally relate to being afraid of your own reaction it's so hard when we have no control. Is there really a game called plants vs zombies lol?!

 

[onetwothreebp]

Good luck for yours!

I never really worried with my first pregnancy. It was such a shock that I focused more on the whole baby aspect vs gender. Once I adjusted to the idea, I just KNEW I was having a boy. You couldn't convince me otherwise. When the tech said it was a boy, I went "I know" while hubby was freaking out hahaha

 

[Misscalais]

Fingers crossed for another boy for you, I have two they are best mates and also fight like cats and dogs lol but they do have a very special bond all of their own
I guess if you do have a girl you'll know that you don't want it to be like it is with your mum and sisters so there's a good chance you'll have a fabulous relationship if you do get a DD.
Fingers crossed for that boy though

 

[onetwothreebp]

My scan is tomorrow and I am getting so scared, ladies.

I'm not going to sleep a wink tonight.

What kind of things can I do to prepare myself if I hear girl?

 

[kaths101]

Good luck, just visualise what it would be like, try and imagine her saying its a girl and prepare yourself.
The likely hood is you won't have a terribly relationship and will bond great, you are not your mum and if it was me I would try even harder to have that special bond and she would probably end up totally spoilt. Haha
Stay calm, good luck and let us know x

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

Did you find out hun xx

 

[onetwothreebp]

Well, I heard girl, and I didn't break down sobbing! (Although i cried most of the way home)

I'm sure everything will be okay, I'm more resigned than I was a few weeks ago, but I'm still pretty anxious.

What if she hates me??? What if I hate her?? What if I love her more than my son? So many feelings, ugh.

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

Awww hun, lots of hugs. I'm sure you will be over the moon with your baby girl when she gets here, they really are wonderful, and a bond between Mother and Daughter can be one of the strongest in the world. You're gonna be great as a "girl Mommy"!! Congrats on your pink bundle, I think when you get your head wrapped around it, you'll start to accept and even get excited! Take one day at a time, am so excited for you though, I think you are truly gonna enjoy having a daughter! x

 

[shayzee]

Congratulations on your baby girl, ( sorry you didnt hear blue).Please dont worry hun , you'll love your DD so much it'll amaze you - it comes naturally ; but i agree with pp that take each day at a time to accept it, once shes here hopefully you'll be so smitten you'll forget you ever felt different.

 

[farmwife25]

I understand your concern. I was told boy at my 20w scan. I was so thrilled and relieved as that's what I was hoping for, but now im worried what if she was wrong! I want a healthy baby first and formost but im sick thinking what if I get a girl. Im an only child hated my mother as we had a terrible relationship and been burned by friends too! I dont relate to girls. Inlove the thought this is a boy, and bonding with him only to be told at birth its a girl I think would shock me! Like tonthe point it would take me a while to come around. Dh doesnt get it either. I know he wants a boy too he just doesnt voice it as much. He said who cares if he comes out a she? I care! Im bonding imagining what our boy will be like and look oike only to have it taken away would be hard for me. I almost wish I hadnt found out as I worry all the time. At this point im not having anymore ultrasound and itsvok with me as im scared to be told different.
Where in canada are you? Im in sask.

 

[farmwife25]

Sorry I didnt finish reading posts. If she is anything like you shell be a pretty little thing. Youll come around. Now you ccan start bonding. All those cute girly clothes and accessories I see you having a cutie!