How can I control my anxiety?

[onetwothreebp]

Blah, I am just not enjoying this.

I just want to constantly cry every time I think of the baby.

My husband is overjoyed and wants to tell the world but we haven't told family yet. I won't be able to fake being excited.

 

[Misscalais]

Sorry you're still not warming up to it. Hopefully soon you might start to feel happy about it.

 

[jenniferttc1]

Sorry you didn't hear
I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better that others haven't already said. But I will say the relationship with your daughter will have nothing to do with how it was with your mother. Your relationship will be what you make it.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I'm trying to hold on to that.

I'm trying to excite myself (girly ticker, looking at girl clothes, etc)

 

[Visje]

Hey, from your bad experiences, at least you know how not to raise a girl! Sometimes, bad experiences can be the best teacher.

 

[lau86]

I think your girl will get here and you will adore her. I can relate to your feelings, I had hoped for a girl and its another boy. I feel awful for even thinking it but I can't help the way I feel. I am just trying to take each day at a time and before I know it he will be here
And I will be in love with him. I bet you will feel the same.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I am getting a little more adjusted to the idea. I love the colour purple so have begun nursery ideas.

I'm not doing anything concrete yet because my 20 week scan will confirm gender and I'm still hoping it will say !

 

[Willow87]

onetwothreebp I absolutely LOVE the fact that you were hoping for a second boy! Don't see that often at all around here. Purple is my fave color for a girl's nursery as its not sicky like pink lol. You will be fine. If it helps at all, I hope to have what you have in the future. I have a scrummy gorgeous baby boy and hope that my second is a girl. Good lck hun!

 

[lau86]

Hope you're ok Hun and feeling a bit more positive x

 

[Guppy051708]

Hi hon first off, i think your fears are very normal and validated by how females have treated you in the past. I know my situation is slightly different, but i was feeling exactly like you when i found out my first was a boy and then again when i found out my second was a boy. The reason is because, besides DH, males have mistreated me, abused me, and hurt me causing emotional damage and physical scarring for life. It was not until i met my husband that i started to adjust to the idea that some men are gems...that was hard for me...it took a long time to get over my boys being boys and part of that is how burned ive been as a result of most men in my life. I was left wondering how would i cope? how could i be motherly towards boys when my entire life (until meeting dh) evolved around such vicious men? How can i adjust? how can i be the best mom to a sex that i have trouble relating to in most every way but also that i have trouble trusting?...those were all things that went through my mind. It took a lot of time to get my head in the right place...then one day, it hit me...maybe the reason why i had two boys, despite these negative male figures in my life, was because i needed a positive experience with that sex. That i needed some type of good from males to overcome the bad that i had received from them. Ever since then i have been feeling much better. My mindset has totally changed, but tbh it was really hard for me and i was very anxious about having two boys until the "uh-huh" moment.

I know its totally the opposite for you. but i just wanted to reach out to you as i truly understand how you are feeling. But i wanted to let you know that things have turned out great for me. I couldn't be more motherly towards my sweet boys. I believe you will experience similar. I believe you will be a great mom to a girl and be just as maternal as you are to your son. It may take time. It might happen the day you give birth, it might take a few months, but i think you'll get into it and then you will be left with a positive experience with another female. You may never feel good about other women in your life, but you will have at least one positive female relationship as a result. I am truly confident in that for you.

 

[onetwothreebp]

Thank you so much everybody for your kind thoughts, I really do appreciate them. They're very encouraging when some of the days are very bleak.

So, I had a dream.

I know dreams don't necessarily predict the future, I believe it is more my sub-conscious processing the day I've had, all the events that have happened and the thoughts that I have had. So I had a dream that I had this chubby little girl that I was so in love with and I couldn't stop kissing her chubby cheeks because she kept squealing. I know it's dumb but it made me a little more excited about the process of having a daughter.

It also really helps that my in-law family is going to be THRILLED. They have one grand-daughter the family is dominated by males - OH has 3 brothers and three nephews. Girls are definitely outnumbered. I know the moment they hear it's a girl, they're going to be so overjoyed for us.

(My family will be meh; I have two sisters - one has a boy and a girl and the other has no children so my parents are pretty meh over grandchildren. They have one of each and they're "satisfied" with that considering they're not really involved in their lives)

So while I am still mourning the loss of a dream I had, I'm slowly becoming excited for a new dream that is developing, I am curious to see where it will take my family.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I have 8 days until my 20 week ultrasound. I am still hoping that perhaps I will hear that we are actually expecting a boy...

 

[shayzee]

Fingers crossed they tell you what you want to hear hun. Did you sway at all with this baby?

 

[Guppy051708]

Hope the next few days go by quickly.

 

[onetwothreebp]

No, I didn't sway. I actually had never really heard of swaying until I joined this site.

I got pregnant my first cycle, I thought it would take awhile but knowing my luck, I'm a Fertile Myrtle.

 

[onetwothreebp]

Had my 20 week scan this morning and baby is definitely a girl.

I did hold out some hope that baby would be a boy but thankfully, I'm handling it much better than I thought I would.

I've mostly resigned myself to the idea of having a girl. Since my 16 week scan, I haven't really looked at boy stuff, I've focused completely on girl stuff to try and get my head wrapped around the idea and I think it worked.

So, still kind of wish baby was a boy but taking it one day at a time with a girl.

 

[shayzee]

Glad you're feeling a bit better- but it will be hard, you'll have good days then bad-i was like that- I love my daughter dearly & some days i forget my GD but then some days i still feel the dissapointment of not having another boy.
Looking at girly clothes etc really does help; it does take some getting used to though coz we've been so used to looking at boys stuff- ( & because we were hoping we'd need more boys stuff too).
i didnt sway with my daughter but if i'd have known about swaying i'd definitely have given it a try.

 

[pinklightbulb]

It took me weeks to come to terms with having a second son. By the end of the pregnancy I was looking forward to it, but it took me a lot of tears and sadness to get there. I knew Liam was my last baby so I would never be mother to a girl, and definitely struggled with that concept. Now he's here, and I wouldn't change him for anything. The longing for a girl still exists but I would never swap him for all the girls in the world.

 

[Willow87]

Just reading that your hubby has 3 brothers and they all have boys makes me hopeful that we can conceive a girl one day! Hubby has 2 brothers and we all have 1 boy each.

Congrats on your girl btw!

 

[onetwothreebp]

Hang in there! OH's oldest brother has 2 boys and a girl. His other brother just has one boy. We have a boy and a girl. There is hope for you!!