How could he!!!

[springmommy]

So we all know that when your ttc too have lots of partner time... us...4-5 times a day maybe more! in August o stayed having a lot of pain durring intercourse to the point I ended up going to my ob who suggested I take a month or two of my fertility meds to let my ovaries calm down. Well 3 days later I got a positive hp and since theniI have been either sick or nausea so bad I can't move our cramping and bleedingso intercourse to me sounds like no fun... I don't even want to be touched moist days however I try my hardest to still have that tine with my husband. last night I questioned sone of his actions and joined through his phone to find he had been answering personal ads of Craig's list. He swears he never did anything with these women and that he's sorry but how am I supposed to believe him or not want to give up?? ugh I can't even function at work right now I've had no sleep and ask I can do is cry... it's like just because I'm not feeling good due to our decisions to have a baby he is going to go find it somewhere else!! do I believe him that he made a huge mistake or do I leave him and try to do this in my own?? I'm so lost I have no one but gin ask my family is far away and no friends in the area ugh!! I'm sorry I just had to vent somewhere

 

[Eternal]

no words just lots of

 

[Moom7900]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!! I've no idea what's best for you - I suppose only you know if you think he's trustworthy in general?

It's a huge betrayal, but he may have genuinely made a big mistake with the intention of getting attention rather than actually wanting to cheat? To go from lots and lots of sex to you barely wanting him to touch you must be a massive blow to his ego, and has probably made him feel insecure and unattractive, as it would if he suddenly seemed to go off you. Even though you have good reason to not want sex, I'm sure he "feels" as though now you've fallen pregnant you don't want/need him any more, and it's made him feel less manly etc. Also, long periods of time spent trying for a baby may have made sex and your romantic relationship seem as though it's only based on baby-making, as opposed to love, lust and passion for each other. However, there's no excuse to be chatting intimately with other women!! I know how sick I would feel I my husband did this, and can't imagine how I'd begin to get past it

I think you need to take your time and have some very honest and in depth chats with him. You need to decide if you believe it was a mistake with no real intention of cheating, or if he was willing to go ahead with it. Even if he had no desire to cheat, he has a lot of trust to rebuild and needs to prove his loyalty to you, and give you time to regain your faith in him. But if you choose to forgive him and move on, you can't throw this at him forever. It's a horrible situation, and I don't envy your position at all

Good luck with any decision you need to make, and millions of xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

I am so sorry for you . Only you know what you can or should overcome. I myself could never spend anymore of my life and time on someone capable of betraying me that way... life is way too short and there are better men... I am soooo pissed for you. It is wrong at anytime to do that to someone but how dare he when you are in a vulnerable state in need of support and understanding. So selfish and gross of him. I am sorry .

Good luck in whatever you decide. Think of your happiness either way. All paths have their own hardships, some just have better rewards. I have been a single mom (was homeless with a newborn for 9 months to get out of my shit situation) but for me it was worth it. With that said, while building trust back takes a lot of effort from two, it is possible for some to regain it. Maybe try counseling and exhausting other avenues before deciding to leave (if you love him anyway - I am trying not to be biased because my gut reaction towards your post is for leaving that disrespectful ass obviously I am not so good at trying not to be biased meh).

Hoping for better days for you soon .

 

[Tryinfor4th]

I'm so sorry your going through this, especially preganat!
Sounds like bad coping mechanisms to me, I'd look into some IC (individual counciling) to find out why, this time it was a close call but if you decide to stay you really need some kind of assurance it won't happen again, you can't afford putting yours and the baby's health at risk with Sti complications,
I understand him feeling a bit rejected and left out at the moment but that's life, suck it up, it's only temporary, communicate his to him and encourage him to work on himself, this is his issue not yours.

 

[springmommy]

Thanks!! I am just at a loss for words... I don't know what to think or feel.. especially pregnant when my emotions are already haywire!! Ugh I swear li fe is never easy.. especially with this! I want to just up and leave forget it ever happened but I can't name irrational decisions... I'm sure he's felt alone... so have Ilately and now I know why! hmmm I've got to take it one day at a time i suppose

 

[LizChase]

Hmm, this is a hard one. If this is the first betrayal he's ever done to you, then don't let him off easy for sure, but I think for the sake of the baby better to work things out. If he has a history of things like that in the past, then I'm not so sure. Just think of it this way.. When you are taking care of a baby you're probably not going to feel like sex much then either! If he can't last a couple of months without going outside the marriage that really doesn't bode well. Sex will happen less and less often as you get older and busier. Make him go to therapy and prove to you he really wants to stay with you and the baby!

 

[Claudia83]

Hmm, this is a hard one. If this is the first betrayal he's ever done to you, then don't let him off easy for sure, but I think for the sake of the baby better to work things out. If he has a history of things like that in the past, then I'm not so sure. Just think of it this way.. When you are taking care of a baby you're probably not going to feel like sex much then either! If he can't last a couple of months without going outside the marriage that really doesn't bode well. Sex will happen less and less often as you get older and busier. Make him go to therapy and prove to you he really wants to stay with you and the baby!

This is sound advice.

Once baby comes, or even once your belly gets in the way, sex is less often. After having baby, most doctors will tell you NO SEX for 4-6 weeks so you can heal up ( esp. if you have a c-section), so he's going to have to be able to handle that. It's very important he KNOWS that sex will not be the same as before and if he can't handle that.... well then that's a big issue.

 

[pandi77]

Hmm, this is a hard one. If this is the first betrayal he's ever done to you, then don't let him off easy for sure, but I think for the sake of the baby better to work things out. If he has a history of things like that in the past, then I'm not so sure. Just think of it this way.. When you are taking care of a baby you're probably not going to feel like sex much then either! If he can't last a couple of months without going outside the marriage that really doesn't bode well. Sex will happen less and less often as you get older and busier. Make him go to therapy and prove to you he really wants to stay with you and the baby!

This is sound advice.

Once baby comes, or even once your belly gets in the way, sex is less often. After having baby, most doctors will tell you NO SEX for 4-6 weeks so you can heal up ( esp. if you have a c-section), so he's going to have to be able to handle that. It's very important he KNOWS that sex will not be the same as before and if he can't handle that.... well then that's a big issue.

All these things are so true. Ultimately you both need to find out if his behavior was motivated by mental or physical needs (or both). For me personally a physically motivated betrayal would be harder to deal with because you can't help that situation when you feel nauseous and tore up (sorry tmi). Mentally it is supposedly very common for men to seek attention while their partners are pregnant so that would be something you two might want to talk about. As some have already mentioned the attention is all on you and your needs when pregnant and he may be seeking attention so he feels "desired" again.

I'm kind of like onyxsnowfall on this personally I just don't have the patients to constantly worry about hurting someone's feelings (in any relationship) if they are very insecure. If he isn't comfortable enough in his own skin to put his needs aside during this crazy important time in both your lives he probably has issues you cannot solve. Maybe with some therapy you can decide if you want to try/want to help him through this in hopes he doesn't let you down again. Good luck sweetie

 

[Leids]

I have little to no patience for things like this and would honestly leave him. But that's me, and I have a difficult time trusting people in general so it would destroy our relationship. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way again.

I really have a hard time with men who do this type thing to their partners who are pregnant as well. It says a lot about their character and is absolutely degrading to you. You're carrying his child, and what does he do? He goes out and tries to hook up with randoms on the internet during your biggest time of need. Not only that but it also puts you and your unborn child at risk for whatever the hell these women could be carrying STD-wise.

If you want to stay with him, I wouldn't have sex with him until he's tested even though he's said he hasn't done anything. I would also go get some counseling after shoving a huge foot up his ass.

 

[PugMama22]

So sorry to hear maybe he made a mistake but protect yourself and don't do anything more until he's tested to make sure he doesn't put you or baby at risk for any Sexually transmitted diseases. Sorry to be so blunt, but your health is most important.

 

[PugMama22]

I have little to no patience for things like this and would honestly leave him. But that's me, and I have a difficult time trusting people in general so it would destroy our relationship. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way again.

I really have a hard time with men who do this type thing to their partners who are pregnant as well. It says a lot about their character and is absolutely degrading to you. You're carrying his child, and what does he do? He goes out and tries to hook up with randoms on the internet during your biggest time of need. Not only that but it also puts you and your unborn child at risk for whatever the hell these women could be carrying STD-wise.

If you want to stay with him, I wouldn't have sex with him until he's tested even though he's said he hasn't done anything. I would also go get some counseling after shoving a huge foot up his ass.

Didn't even read other posts until after I wrote mine but obviously we are thinking alike!

 

[shortnstumpy]

I have little to no patience for things like this and would honestly leave him. But that's me, and I have a difficult time trusting people in general so it would destroy our relationship. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way again.

I really have a hard time with men who do this type thing to their partners who are pregnant as well. It says a lot about their character and is absolutely degrading to you. You're carrying his child, and what does he do? He goes out and tries to hook up with randoms on the internet during your biggest time of need. Not only that but it also puts you and your unborn child at risk for whatever the hell these women could be carrying STD-wise.

If you want to stay with him, I wouldn't have sex with him until he's tested even though he's said he hasn't done anything. I would also go get some counseling after shoving a huge foot up his ass.

This.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if I ever caught my hubby doing that I would leave his no good ass.