How did you help your child understand that it's OK to have two same sex parents???

[DC Mommies]

I'm just looking for some pointers for the ongoing discussion I am having with my 6 year old daughter regarding sexuality and being a child who has two same sex parents. I am sure that some of you Have already gone through this, or are going through it currently, and I would appreciate it if you would share your experiences. I know I'm not the only person out there who could use some advice. Thanks in advance!!

 

[Carrie&Char]

Hi noticed no one has answered!!!!

My Little one is only 14 months but my god daughters are 9 and 6 and have a mum and dad but also stay with us quite a bit, when kenedey aged 9 asked about us we just told her we were in love and she is fine with that and has never asked anymore she has asked how we got Lacey our LO and we just explained it all to her.

We are quite open with them both they see us hugging and a quick kiss but nothing extreme Red my 6 year old god daughter has nto really asked many questions yet!!

 

[DC Mommies]

C&C: Thank you so much for responding. The information you shared was very helpful. It reminded me that children are almost always accepting...it takes an ignorant adult to influence them and promote ignorance.

I did expect more responses. I just knew that people would have some insight to offer. I can't be the only person going through this...

 

[Carrie&Char]

DC i bet you are not the only one going through it but i think most people in this section are either still trying or dont have older children yet.

 

[DC Mommies]

That makes perfect sense. Thank you...now I don't feel like I'm being ignored lol.

 

[Carrie&Char]

dont think anyone get ignored on here lol!!!
Do you just have the 1 daughter

 

[Lululu]

My eldest is only three so not many questions about it but I'm just presuming he will think it's ok. Maybe when he gets to school others will tease him but not yet. We've got lots of great kids books with same-sex parents like "Tango" and "it's okay to be different". Hope that helps but I guess it's too early to tell

 

[LunaBean]

I think people just 4get this section is here,lol. theres a few with older kids,but most of us hav babies or are still ttc! Im just gona tell Noah that every family is different and there are books you can get to explain 2

 

[TFSGirl]

I like what one of the women said about kids being generally accepting... kids in general are taught prejudice. I'm not a SSP, but I am so glad this section is finally here, it was much needed, and a very welcome addition, IMO

Wish I had a little more insight for you in terms of how to explain such things to your kids, but I think honestly that just by being raised by same sex parents, they will be more likely to be accepting

 

[Whisper]

I'm not a SSP but my sister in law and her wife will be hopefully. My daughter just asked me this morning actually why some people have 2 mummies, and i explained that some people have 2 mums or 2 dads or 1 dad/mum etc or even 2 mums and 2 dads, she was satisfied with that answer.

People will judge at school age but then again they would judge if you had pink hair or really really long hair or wore unusual shoes, i would take it one step at a time.

I suppose i wouldn't really make a big deal out of it and just answer questions as they come up. My daughter has never questioned why her aunties are married to each other and the fact they are both girls she just accepts that's the way it is, she adores them.

 

[Desi's_lost]

Even though i had a gay aunt, i didnt even know there was such thing as same sex couples until I was about...11ish. But it didnt really phase me, even then. I remember reading an article and class and wanting to share how stupid i thought it was that gay people couldnt get married!

So unless a child is taught to be prejudice, i dont think they usually are. My sister on the other hand is 11 now and she spends too much time with her father so she thinks its 'weird' or 'abnormal' to love someone of the same sex. I always have to lecture her on it.

 

[DC Mommies]

dont think anyone get ignored on here lol!!!
Do you just have the 1 daughter

Yes, for right now, all we have is one 6 year old. We are hoping to add a LO in the near future

 

[DC Mommies]

Thanks for responding guys! I really appreciate all of the advice. I have tried using books, some of them are so cute!!, and they seem to be really effective. My daughter is extremely inquisitive...which I completely welcome. I just want to be sure that I am providing her with useful information and preparing her to answer the gazillions of questions she will get from other people regarding our family. Fortunately we live in a major city and there are same-sex couples everywhere. It is still somewhat taboo, but many people are welcoming, or at least tolerant.

 

[ace28]

Sorry, I didn't respond because I don't frequent this section too much even though my wife and I are SSPs. We are actually in a blended family- my wife and I are expecting our first child together, but we also have our six year old daughter who is from her previous relationship living with us, as well as our three year old nephew. Our six year old every so often does have questions- mostly brought on, we suspect, from things her father tells her during her every-other-weekend visits with him. She has asked why we love each other, why we aren't marrying boys, etc. Innocent questions but enough to be tricky to answer, you know?

Mostly we tell her that we love each other and that it's okay for girls and girls or boys and boys to be married as long as they love each other. We've also told her that some people don't understand that and they might be mean sometimes about it because they don't understand, but that no matter what they say there isn't anything wrong with her family.

She's also gotten questions from peers at school about who her "real" mommy is, and without any coaching from us she told them that we both are because we both love and take care of her and so does her daddy. She told them that her "Mama" is the one whose tummy she grew in but that Mommy (me) is also her real mom because I love and take care of her. We were quite proud of this conversation, trust me.

 

[TFSGirl]

ace28-> that is so very cool that she is 6 and explained that to her peers so well sounds like a great kid!

 

[Meishka]

Ooh yay! A post that I actually might have something important to say lol! Ok so we have a 10 year old boy. I remember when he was in kindergarten and he brought his first friend over to our house after school. We pulled into the driveway, and my wife was on the porch. His friend asked, "where is your dad?" instant panic! I thought omg here we go! My son piped right up and said " I don't have a dad, I have two moms!" well now I'm really panicking, terrified of what his little friend might respond with. His friend thought for a second and said " that's cool!!" after that we had to have a talk that not all families are just a mom and dad, but that it could be two girls or two boys, it didn't matter as long as everyone had love for each other and took care of each other. He was satisfied with that. After that, it has never come up, I guess because he is used to it and he understands that there are different lifestyles.
I've only had to reinforce that once to my son, after my own sister told him behind my back that my way of living was wrong and I was going to hell, and this wasn't the right way to have a family. Needless to say it was WW3 with my sister! I just reinforced what I already told him and told him that his Aunt was very wrong to say that and it wasn't true. He is a really happy kid, so he said " ya I was thinking she was wrong". lol! Now we just recently had to explain that he might have a new little brother or sister soon, again I was terrified! He was sooo happy and is so excited! He understands that two girls can't have a baby together, that it has to be a boy and girl. Well at this point my son cut me off and said " oh my gosh mom, don't tell me your going to get a fake boyfriend!" lol, my wife and I couldn't stop laughing! I said no, that some guys will donate their sperm so people who can't have babies will be able to. He was like "ok good"!! Lol. It's never been an issue to him.

 

[fitmommy]

Hello!
I wanted to thank everyone for the comments. Very interesting. We are TTC #1 so we haven't gotten there yet but obviously have thought about it quite a bit. I guess it all comes down to love. If there is a loving and harmonious environment, nothing else matters.
Kristina

 

[Meishka]

Fit mommy- your right, it really is all about love! Before I got preg with my 10year old son, I did soooo much research on my own to see what statistics and everything else showed about gay parents, I even tried to play the devils advocate and still I found nothing that showed children of gay parents turning out any worse or any better than other kids. I take that back, actually, I found that they grew up being more understanding, compassionate, honest, and lots of other positives. That's when I really made up my mind. Now after ten years I see how my son is and I'm so proud of him! And he is proud of us too! TTC #2 now!!!

 

[fitmommy]

@Meishka, I love what you had to say. Funny thing is we have been doing a lot of research on our own also and have noticed more pros than cons when it comes to lesbian parenting..thanks so much for the message...

Kristina

 

[TFSGirl]

fitmommy and Meishka -> even being a straight person, I personally have always had the belief that for the most part children of gay parents DO turn out more understanding and also a lot of the time in better care with a more loving environment, solely for the fact that gay people do not often "accidentally" get pregnant (I say not often, really meaning they never do.. haha) and thus every child they have either through sperm donor, IVF, adoption etc are ALWAYS wanted, and in my experience have always been SHOWN they are wanted. I feel that if more straight parents were as loving and open as gay parents, this world would be a much better place.