How did you know you were done having babies?

[jessmke]

Hubby and I always agreed we would just have one baby. We are discussing him getting a vasectomy, and I am finding myself not so sure I want him to get one. I don't feel an urge to have another baby right now, but I can't say I absolutely feel like I am done after this one baby. Hubby would be happy to have another (I was the one who was adamant about having just one!) so it is pretty much up to me. How did you know when you were done having babies?

 

[SpringCrane]

Before having any, I wanted 3. My husband wanted 2. I had my son, and for the first year after, I did not want another. He was a difficult baby and labor really hurt. I wasn't so sure that I would have been willing to do anything permanent, but I did think I was not going to have another. My husband was fine with being done, but thought I'd change my mind. Then, around my son's first birthday, hormones or whatever started to kick in and I wanted another... eventually. We thought we'd aim for a three year age gap. I got pregnant unexpectedly, however, when my son was 15 months. I was scared but happy. Then I had a MMC at 12 weeks. That pregnancy made me realize I did want another. Same for my husband. We planned on sticking to our 3 year age gap plan, but again fell pregnant unexpectedly with what will be a 2y9m gap. I was a hot mess during the first half of this pregnancy. Before I could feel baby's kicks, I was convinced I'd lost the baby on a daily basis. While working through my fears, I realized 2 things. (1) If I lost this baby, I was OK with just having my son, and (2) I was not emotionally capable of handling another pregnancy if I had two losses. Thankfully, all is well with baby, and we expect to meet him/her later this month. However, all the emotional stuff I went through being pregnant after a loss made me realize I'm done. Done. I would have no hesitation with my husband scheduling a vasectomy tomorrow. We'll likely wait before doing anything permanent (mostly because we'll be busy with baby and won't get around to it).

With all that said, I still LOVE the idea of a big family... a big adult family. I want all the grandkids and in-laws and big holiday gatherings... But I'm not willing to have all the kids to get there. Oh well

 

[lewood88]

Well I only thought I ever wanted 2 babies but I must of thought nievely is had just a boy and girl but I had 2 girls and really wanted a boy do me and OH tried for our third baby and thankfully had a boy but I'd said from the off if he was a girl that I wouldn't try for another and I'd get sterilised but luckily I had my son and got sterilised during my c section so no more babies for me

If your seconded guessing your husband getting the snip then he shouldn't to it because once it's does it's going to be expensive to put right and don't always work x

 

[Missys81]

Not really sure after my 2nd baby I said no more but now pregnant with number 5 xx

 

[donnarobinson]

I wouldn't do anything you might regret
We were done after number two and I have a 7 week old surprise baby now and he is my world
We're done now but I'm still sad I'll never do it again x

 

[gumb69]

Dont make any decisions until your baby is at least 1. I only wanted one as was so hard to conceive. I've just had my third baby 3 weeks ago and DH is going to have a vasectomy. X

 

[Kmx]

Until my son was 2-2-5 I was positive he would be my only 1. I was completely happy with just him and felt complete. He started becoming a child and less of a baby and it was a real wake up call that I did actually want more. So here I am 11 weeks pregnant. There will be 4 years 10 months between them. If I could turn back time I probably would have liked a smaller age gap I just didn't know I would want another one. Now I am open to having a third but my OH only wants 2. I don't feel complete with 2 for some reason - maybe the larger age gap between my kids? - even though I was complete with 1 for some time.

 

[Button#]

My OH had the snip when DD was 3 months old. I am 100% certain I'm done. I only ever wanted two children and I had a rough pregnancy with DD, I'm still suffering with SPD. I'm enjoying the fact that each new milestone is the last time and I like the fact that I have my whole family and we can just get on with watching the kids grow and it getting easier as they get older.

 

[MindUtopia]

We will be having one more hopefully, which will bring us up to 2, but after that, I absolutely know that I'm done. Honestly, it's really just financial. If all goes well and we get pregnant straight away with #2, I'll be 36 when he/she is born. We can't afford another round of nursery after that and we can't afford for me to take more time off, nor do I want to be doing the baby stage again for a third time when I'm probably 40. But I would say even though I know I want to have a second and always knew it, I definitely didn't feel enthusiastic about it when my daughter was only 2 months. In fact, at that point, I wasn't entirely sure I did want to do it all again. Now, 3 years down the line, I know that I definitely absolutely do (but only once more). If your husband was keen to have more and you aren't 100% sure, I would put that decision off until your baby is older. There are loads of reversible options for birth control that aren't as drastic as sterilisation. Use those for now and re-visit it when you can have more perspective on it. You could always still go for the vasectomy then, but at least then you can make the decision when you're feeling more sure it's right enough to make permanent.

 

[MumToEva]

Because my husband tells me i am I desperately want another, but he says he's done, so I'm trying to make my peace with only having 2 kids.

I'd say don't make a decision while your baby is so young - you may feel different in time. At least that way you leave your options open.

 

[minties]

Waaay too soon after just having your first to decide just yet.

When my son was 12 months old I knew I needed another child very badly.

 

[jessmke]

Thanks for the reply guys! I've told hubby we need to wait until we decide for sure. The main issue is that hubby is 42 (I'm 33) so if we decide to have another baby he wants to do it soon-ish, not long after Isla turns 1. I guess that gives us 9 months to decide!

I hated being pregnant, I was sick the whole way through and had a terrible post nasal drip the whole time, and had a difficult delivery so my hubby is surprised that I am even slightly considering doing it all again!

 

[SarahBear]

I always wanted two kids... except when I was 5, I wanted 3 kids all named Sarah... but that doesn't count. Anyway, after I had my first, it wasn't long before I started thinking about baby number two. After baby number two, I started thinking about getting a dog... and until I had both my kids, I didn't really want a dog that much. It was something my husband had talked about wanting and since the birth of my son, I've actually come to want a dog. As for the idea of pregnancy, childbirth, and having to do the newborn stage again and the idea of having more children around... no thank you! It was an amazing experience and it was interesting to do a second time, but I have ZERO desire to do it again. I'm looking forward to moving from the baby stage to the toddler stage and then having more freedom as my kids gain independence with age. So I guess my answer in short is I knew because:

1) I had ZERO desire to be pregnant and give birth again.
2) I don't want to do the baby stage again.
3) I started thinking about getting a dog instead of thinking about having another child.

 

[Zephram]

I always wanted two kids... except when I was 5, I wanted 3 kids all named Sarah... but that doesn't count. Anyway, after I had my first, it wasn't long before I started thinking about baby number two. After baby number two, I started thinking about getting a dog... and until I had both my kids, I didn't really want a dog that much. It was something my husband had talked about wanting and since the birth of my son, I've actually come to want a dog. As for the idea of pregnancy, childbirth, and having to do the newborn stage again and the idea of having more children around... no thank you! It was an amazing experience and it was interesting to do a second time, but I have ZERO desire to do it again. I'm looking forward to moving from the baby stage to the toddler stage and then having more freedom as my kids gain independence with age. So I guess my answer in short is I knew because:

1) I had ZERO desire to be pregnant and give birth again.
2) I don't want to do the baby stage again.
3) I started thinking about getting a dog instead of thinking about having another child.

I like this idea - that if you'd rather have a dog than another baby you're probably done! That's probably a good test of it.

 

[justplay91]

For me, it's just the fact that I feel like there's one more little person meant to be in our family. I thought we'd be done with 2... but we've talked about it a lot and after waffling back and forth for awhile, we both decided that three sounded right for us. I like the "dog" test. That sounds good to me! Hopefully we'll want a dog after our third baby.

 

[rwhite]

As it stands, I am not clucky at this very moment. I feel like I could become clucky in the future and nostalgic for a wee baby again (okay, so I am definitely starting to feel like that with our baby's birthday fast approaching!), but overall I don't feel a sense of dread when I think of not having any more.

I have had to be realistic with myself about this. There are two parents to two children - perfect ratio and fairly easily handleable. I am not the world's most patient person. Family holiday packages usually only include two adults, two children (and would make travelling via plane easy if we can each sit next to a child). We have both a boy and a girl, so there is no pressure either internally from either of ourselves or externally from family or friends to go for the other sex. If we have another baby, realistically it would make sense to have it closer in age with our daughter so that we can be out of the baby phase sooner...don't want to do that, as I have just started a new job in the last couple of months. Our son is possibly on the autism spectrum (albeit pretty high functioning, but challenging all the same) and requires quite a lot of our focus and time as it is and it also probably wouldn't be fair on him...I also worry that we could have a baby with more serious issues than autism and that would throw us a real curve ball.

So! With all that said, OH is booked in for a vasectomy in the next month. I think once it is all said and done and final and I am hoping that at least I won't have any niggling cluckiness because it simply won't be an option to have another

 

[Rainbow82]

Until DS was about three months I could never imagine wanting to go through it again but now we've been ttc since he was six months. We always said we wanted two close together and were undecided on a third as I'd like a much bigger age gap between number 2 and 3 and we would like to adopt a slightly older child.
I would say not being 100% certain and still only a few months pp is reason enough not to go for a vasectomy right now.

 

[Tasha]

Sounds like waiting is the best thing you can do right now.

For me I always wanted six children, my husband wanted two. Number three was a surprise and then she grew her wings at 36+6, then DH was onboard with a larger family. Number 4 was my 4th in four years and even then we began ttc a couple of months after birth, we ended up with six years of trying, sixteen first trimester loses and another stillbirth to get Orion. In total I've had twenty-two pregnancies and I've got four babies at home, I don't want to put myself through any more both my body and mind. Plus it comes with all sorts of risks for myself and baby. Lastly I just feel complete, no ache for another baby, I don't look at bumps or babies and get broody. I'm content.

 

[Amy2701]

We said we were 100% done after our second child. My husband booked an appointment for a vasectomy and we were happy with our two gorgeous kids. The day before his appointment I begged him to cancel it. I didn't want another baby right then, but I just had this niggling feeling. That was 3 years ago and we now have a third baby, 9 month old Jake. And still no vasectomy

 

[Oldermummy78]

I just got sterilised with my c section 14 days ago, I know I'm done because I'm getting older I'm 38 now, although that is an average age for people to start there brood now , I had my first at 19 so strange from being a young mother to now being classed as an 'older' mother...and after 5 my body's tired and can't keep taking it, yes i am a little sad and part of me wishes I could just keep on having baby's, but I know realistically I can't afford to, at the minute me and hubby are seperated anyway, and it's not fair on the 5 I now have, I want to be able to have time for each of them as and when required and I fear if I kept having more then I would lose that bond with all children and it wouldn't be as special anymore
I'm happy I did it because my body can now rest and i can now relax and not worry about a pregnancy unplanned etc, and the worry about contraception and taking it forever more, so for me this is why I know I'm done with having more baby's and ready to enjoy them all and the next step in life,