CloudyDay
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Sorry, this is kinda long... but I'm reaching the end of my rope!
When I gave birth to my baby, I made MIL a grandma for the first time. My baby is also her ONLY grandchild. From the moment my baby was born, MIL has been super obsessed with him so shes always casting a critical eye on my parenting skills.
I was born in Canada but MIL was not so she holds strongly to many of her Old World ways. As a result, we often clash in our approaches to parenting my little guy.
MIL was a true MIL from hell during the first month or two after I gave birth. She annoyed me to no end with a number of her behaviours. For instance, she was strangely competitive towards me in gaining my babys love so she often made remarks about how much he liked her and the special behaviours that he did just for her (no, I dont think he cooed just for you it was just a random coo). She would also make critical comments about my parenting but she did it in disguise by talking cutely to my baby: Your mama is so silly. Why did she put so many clothes on you? She made you so hot! It sounds kind of amusing as I read this now but in reality, her behaviour stressed me out so much that it brought me to a nervous breakdown at one point.
3 months after my baby was born, I lost my job and was going through a rough time. Shes not an evil person, so she had heart and held back a little with her behaviour. Im now at a good new job so shes getting right back into it again and I really dont know how to tolerate it this time around!!
There are several issues that make this dynamic very challenging. First, MIL is extremely volatile. At her core, she is a very sweet, generous, kind, caring person. However, she also has this other side that refuses to even listen to any criticism directed at her and will lash back with extreme words and actions if she feels shes been offended. (e.g. DH once declined her request for him to take her shopping. She was PISSED and spewed a long rant about how she would never cook for him again and dont you ever come over to my house again!)
The other thing that makes this situation extremely difficult to work around is that I need her help to care for my baby, especially now that Im back at work. We cannot afford to hire a nanny or put little guy in daycare and I have no family on my side who has the time to help in the childcare. Im relying on her so I have no choice but to tolerate her.
After many years of living with his mother, my DH has learned that the best approach with MIL is to just nod and agree with her but just keep doing things how I want. I agree that this is the best way but I just cant swallow it when she makes those damn comments!! What do I do??
When I gave birth to my baby, I made MIL a grandma for the first time. My baby is also her ONLY grandchild. From the moment my baby was born, MIL has been super obsessed with him so shes always casting a critical eye on my parenting skills.
I was born in Canada but MIL was not so she holds strongly to many of her Old World ways. As a result, we often clash in our approaches to parenting my little guy.
MIL was a true MIL from hell during the first month or two after I gave birth. She annoyed me to no end with a number of her behaviours. For instance, she was strangely competitive towards me in gaining my babys love so she often made remarks about how much he liked her and the special behaviours that he did just for her (no, I dont think he cooed just for you it was just a random coo). She would also make critical comments about my parenting but she did it in disguise by talking cutely to my baby: Your mama is so silly. Why did she put so many clothes on you? She made you so hot! It sounds kind of amusing as I read this now but in reality, her behaviour stressed me out so much that it brought me to a nervous breakdown at one point.
3 months after my baby was born, I lost my job and was going through a rough time. Shes not an evil person, so she had heart and held back a little with her behaviour. Im now at a good new job so shes getting right back into it again and I really dont know how to tolerate it this time around!!
There are several issues that make this dynamic very challenging. First, MIL is extremely volatile. At her core, she is a very sweet, generous, kind, caring person. However, she also has this other side that refuses to even listen to any criticism directed at her and will lash back with extreme words and actions if she feels shes been offended. (e.g. DH once declined her request for him to take her shopping. She was PISSED and spewed a long rant about how she would never cook for him again and dont you ever come over to my house again!)
The other thing that makes this situation extremely difficult to work around is that I need her help to care for my baby, especially now that Im back at work. We cannot afford to hire a nanny or put little guy in daycare and I have no family on my side who has the time to help in the childcare. Im relying on her so I have no choice but to tolerate her.
After many years of living with his mother, my DH has learned that the best approach with MIL is to just nod and agree with her but just keep doing things how I want. I agree that this is the best way but I just cant swallow it when she makes those damn comments!! What do I do??