How do those with previous losses cope with 1st tri worries?

[bubbles82]

Just wondering how everyone else with previous losses is coping and how you manage to get through this worrying time?

I'm 8+2 with my 4th pregnancy, I've got a 2 year old DD and had two early losses either side of her. I paid for a private reassurance scan last week when I was 7+5 by my dates, which I'm really sure on due to charting and tracking ovulation. They found a baby with heartbeat but measured at 5-6 weeks, when I said that couldn't be right they took the measurements again a few times but best they got was 6+1. The scan wasn't reassuring at all, there was no explanation offered for why the dates may be so far off, the sonographer just kept saying everything is fine but I just ovulated and conceived two weeks later than I thought. This isn't possible as I haven't had sex since the day I know I conceived, and I got my BFP 9 days later, before she is saying I could've possibly conceived.

I've been going round in circles and passed from pillar to post in the last couple of days between my doctor, EPU, antenatal clinic and midwives, with everyone basically saying there is nothing they can do and I just have to wait for my 12 week scan which could still be over a month away.

I'm terrified of the idea of waiting that long and finding out just a couple of weeks before Christmas when we were planning to announce, that the baby actually died weeks ago. My DH wants us to book another private scan for next week, but it's quite a distance to travel to the nearest private clinics near us, and is obviously expensive especially just to find out it causes more worry than reassurance like this one has.

 

[Bumblebee117]

Oh the worries... I am the same, I can't cope properly. My symptoms come and go and most days I don't even feel pregnant.

I say do what your hubby suggested, and go for another private scan. Your sanity is as much worth as a physically healthy body and if a scan next week gives you reassurance then do it!

Feel hugged!!! Hope our babies are fine and that the first trimester goes fast!!!

xx

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I've had two mmcs since my son, the first one baby stopped developing at around 7 weeks and I didn't find out till 12 weeks. The second baby stopped developing at 8 weeks and I found out a few days later at a private scan. The thing I noticed about both of them is I woke up around the time both babies stopped developing and my symptoms were gone. The first time I was grateful until I had the scan and realised what had happened. The second time I knew what had happened. I went into thr private scan with a little hope but mostly I was certain what we'd find.

This time I feel like for now little squish is ok. My boobs are killing me, I feel sick (although it's eased s bit) food smells vile and I generally feel pregnant.

I make sure at whatever point in the day I feel a bit ropey or smell coffee and want to punch someone or whatever makes me feel shit and I think Ok, today I am pregnant and everything is fine. Then I refuse to worry about it again that day, and if I don't feel so bad for thr rest of the day that's a win for me.

This morning I had to leave work in the hunt of a second breakfast because I just felt so green. That was my reassurance for the day and I'll look for another positive tomorrow.

pregnancy after a loss is just shit. There's very little joy to be found in the early weeks, just worry and fear and waiting. It's such a shame the epau wouldn't scan you to put your mind at rest. If I were you I think I'd have to book another scan, massive hugs beautiful lady xx

 

[cscbeth8421]

It's so tough to get through the first trimester with losses in your past. I like you, had a MC before my son, and a missed MC after my son and am now 9 weeks with my 4th pregnancy. I went for an ultrasound at 7 weeks 3 days and the baby measured 6weeks 6 days. I am chalking it up to the measurements they got. Perhaps how the baby was laying. The heart beat was strong and i have a doppler at home which i use (probably more than i should) to find the heart beat. It gives me some comfort knowing the heart is still beating in there and my body is doing what it is supposed to. My symptoms come and go and now i really have none. Unfortunately, as you know, there is nothing you can do. What will be will be and we just have to stay positive. Your doc wont give you another ultrasound as piece of mind? Maybe if you let them know how stressed you are and afraid, they might agree with a viability scan. It's so tough....

 

[Lues]

Ugh. It's a good question. I think the only way to get through it is just to get through it. Time.

I'm 7 weeks two days today. I lost the baby at 6+4 last time, found out at my next scan (around this time).

I am blessed though that I have a scan today. Hoping it makes me feel better and not more anxious. I've been an all over the board mess.

I try to tell myself... Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.

I TRY to tell myself lots of things though, doesn't always work.

I actually agree it's crappy they won't give you another scan. And I would agree that it's worth the cost (assuming it's reasonable for your financial situation anyway) and definitely worth the drive.

mental health is tough enough in first tri after a loss. Having the peace, even of just knowing you have a scan scheduled for sooner, can be helpful.

Know you are not alone. Hugs and healthy months are sent your way.

 

[biscuits104]

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this! I agree with another poster who said to get the private scan, your peace of mind is more important than anything.

My biggest thing with previous mc's is that I just don't believe I'll ever have a "take home" baby. I'm 10 weeks now and my previous losses were at 9 weeks. I really thought I would feel better getting past 9 weeks, but I don't. I just try to remain thankful for each day that I get to share my body with this little one. It's really the only thing that brings me comfort. I try to stay really busy too so the time doesn't drag on.

Please update if you go get another scan - and I think you should!

 

[chelsealynnb]

Private scans, home doppler and wait it out. Sucks. I worry every day.

 

[claireanddaz]

I just took each day at a time and i was obsessively checking for bleeding! Ive relaxed more now as ive had a scan but i still cant fully relax until i get to 12 weeks, ive been put for forward to 8 weeks at my scan even though i was sure of ovulation. As long as you still have symptoms and have no reason to believe there is anything wrong hopefully there isnt but paying for a scan would reassure you!

 

[bubbles82]

Thanks so much for all of your replies, I really appreciate it and actually feel a bit better after reading them.
I do struggle with the whole symptoms thing, as I didn't really have any at all with my daughter, and with both previous losses I had bad nausea and headaches just before the mc started, so I don't really find symptoms reassuring as I associate headaches and nausea in particular with things going wrong. The only real symptom I've had all the way through this time so far is sore boobs, but even with that I have days where it just completely disappears which is so worrying, then the next day it will be back with avengance. There's nothing else really that makes me feel definitely pregnant, and I know after my second loss I still had symptoms for a few days, they did disappear straight away with my first loss so I knew what was happening the morning I woke up with that one, even though it was my very first pregnancy.
I only planned to have two children, so this might be my last pregnancy if things work out, and I just wish I could enjoy it for a second instead of constantly feeling stressed out with worry.
DH has said we should book another private scan for next week, and I've found somewhere that does a 10 minute appointment for £50, so if I can get an appointment with them for next week I think I'll go there and just try be hopeful that this little one has caught up a bit more.

 

[eva1978]

I'm so sorry for your losses bubbles, and what you're going through now. I agree with others that it's a good idea to get the private scan. There is really no "good" solution here, but personally I would rather know as much as I can as soon as I can.

I had a chemical pregnancy between my two DSs and my last pregnancy was a missed mc (found out at 9w2d that embryo has passed about 2 weeks earlier). I had sickness up until about 8 weeks, then it tapered off. The morning of my "bad" scan was the first day since 6+ weeks that I didn't wake up feeling ill. I'm 5 weeks pregnant now with what I hope is baby #3 (5th pregnancy), and so far I feel quite normal, other than the emotional roller coaster...!

I also have a home doppler, I used it with DS2 after about 11 weeks (before that I couldn't find the heartbeat). I found it quite reassuring. I think I ordered it on amazon.

Good luck and please keep us posted. I hope you can get some answers xo