How do you girls cope?

[haaza123]

I've had four mc's since may 08. One in may, then july, the third one was in september and my fourth one which was in December. I thought i was fine but in the last week or so i've been feeling really low.

I work in a private day-care nursery in the baby room. Sometimes i look at the babies and feel sad for my losses. Yesterday i was playing peekaboo with one of the babies and thought about my baby that i never got to hold or touch. From my mc in may, i should have given birth in november instead im babyless.

Two of the girls that i work with are pregnant, one of the girls, her sister has just had a baby in December. She came to show her baby to everyone. Words cant describe how JEALOUS i was. Her mother is the cook at my nursery (who is well aware of my mc's and how much i long for a baby), she went round asking everyone if they wanted to hold the baby. Everyone did, i felt really awkward and started to busy myself (dont feel ready to hold a new born right now, havent been since my first mc. When ever a new baby is born i've managed to avoid meeting them till they're at least 6 months). She then came round to me and i couldnt say no so i put everything down and picked the baby up. Now im feeling really upset.

I love my job ( Been there for 4 and a half years started there as my work placement for college, then did bank staff till i finished college and then started full time 2 and a half years ago.) and i love working in childcare but recently abit of me wants to leave, only because it all makes me feel sad. The last two weeks the managers had been away so i was in charge. Yesterday my manager was praising me about how well i had done running the nursery. She then told me that she couldnt bear the thought of me leaving because of what had been happening recently (it was like she could read my mind).

Since the two girls have been pregnant, its been baby, baby, baby. Continous baby clothes and equipment have been flaunted in my face, things that they and the others girls have brought and one of the girls seems to ask me questions about pregnancy. In our staff room at lunchtime the hot topic is about babies. Nowadays i go home for lunch because i cant bear to listen, im lucky that my house is five minute walk from my work place.

The thing that triggered it off this week was on sunday when i went to a wedding on my husbands side. One of his great auntie asked me where my baby was. My husband aunty had to usher her off. I was left standing there rosy cheeked and close to .

Just wanted abit of advise from you lovely girls.
xxx

 

[susan_1981]

I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel after 4 miscarriages. At the moment, I just cope with hoping that in the near future, I will get pregnant again and have a successful pregnancy. I've done so much reading up on miscarriage and, from what I have read, they say that even after multiple miscarriages, most women will go on to have a successful pregnancy. Hopefully this will be the case for you.

As for where you work, that must make it even harder. I'm bad enough if I see a pregnant woman on the street. And I know a girl at my work is tryiing for her second child, (when she got pregnant with her first, it was straight after coming off the pill). She has been trying since October time and I'm convinced she is probably pregnant now. Seeing her bump will make it hard on me but I know I have to be strong if and when that happens.

I think they only way I have dealt with my miscarriage is through support from my friends and family. Also my husband and, as weird as it sounds, having cuddles with my lovely cats.

I really hope that you go on to have a successful pregnancy in the near future. All I can say is just don't give up hope xxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

i had 4 in the last 2 years and it isnt easy. esp as i no i have a medical condition that is causing them... its very hard. i wontsay it gets easy because most days it doesnt. but you have 2 take each day as it comes. count every day u have as a blessing
xx

 

[Waiting4Bump]

I'm in a similar position to you. I am doing my placement in a private day-nursery, and I am in the baby room. I only lost my baby a week and a half ago, and I am finding it very hard being back after the Christmas break. Today, I was holding one of the little ones and trying to soothe him, and my eyes filled with tears. Just looking at him was hard. I long for that.

Also, the conversation came up as to who we think the next one in the nursery to get pregnant will be. So they were listing people who were trying, and whatever, and they came up with who they thought would get pregnant next. Anyway, that was fine and I just carried on and ignored the conversation. Then, one of them said how it could be me, as a joke I think. Well, that was it. I was bright red, tears in my eyes, and I just didn't know what to do, so I tried to laugh it off. It was soon forgotten about though, but it was hard to be honest.

One of the girls has just had a baby at the end of December, and is bringing her in to show off this week. I'm just glad today was the last day I am in this week. I wouldn't have managed being there when she came in

Massive to you hun xx

 

[haaza123]

Thank you for you replies. Sorry for your losses. Guess we're on in the same .

Right now it feels like lifes not going to get any better . People expect you to get over it instantly. They don't understand how it feels unless they have been through it themselves.
xxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

are u having any testing

 

[Orange lady]

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I have been pregnant only once and miscarried once. I had a missed miscarriage and my baby died at 8 weeks. My friend is pregnant too. She found out a month after me. It's terrible but I don't want to see her, or be near her at all. It's been 3 weeks since my ERPC, and it is slowly getting easier as I feel physically more well. But I still don't want to be near her and talk babies with her. Especially as she is carrying hers well and I broke mine
I do understand about jealousy and longing. But I think that just means that you are definatley ready for a baby and when you get yours (which I am confident you will, as someone earlier said, a massivly high percentage of multiple miscarriers go on to full term healthy babies) you'll cherish it.
It'll happen for us all. In the meantime, take care
xx

 

[keepingfaith]

I am soo sorry for your loss. I have had 2 miscarriages and have a cousin who announced that she is expecting a couple of weeks after my D&C. Her baby is due exactly 1 month from my first due date. I know this sounds horrible, but I keep thinking that should have been my baby...I've been married for nearly 4 years now and everytime there is a family gathering all I hear is that eveyone is waiting for my baby to arrive. People just don't understand what a sensitive and personal subject that is....

We're all here to talk if you need anything....

 

[becky77]

so sorry you had to go through this, my niece announced her pregnancy 2 weeks after my m/c and i find it really hard when i hear somebody talk about her pregnancy, she has her scan soon and i pray everything is ok for her , but still feel like it should be me too which then makes me feel like a horrid person.
you sound like a very strong woman there is no way i could have coped doing your job. i am sure one day you will have a beautiful baby of your own to hold and he/she will be very cherished.



p.s may not interest anyone but i read a great book on guardian angels yesterday and i feel a bit better today .

 

[Rumpskin]

Sorry for your losses lovely. You must be a very strong lady to pick yourself up after your m/cs. I had two last year, one in January and the other in November and over the past week or so, have decided I am now okay about it and am ready to start ttc.

I dont come into too much contact with pregnant ladies (my friends are all single) but an ex colleague has just had a little girl and I surprised myself by not blubbing when I went to visit her.

I have times when I am quiet when things go t*ts up for me but I know that it is never going to bring back my angels.

Lots of love to you xxx

 

[haaza123]

are u having any testing

Well after my fourth mc they finally reffered me for gynecology. Im still waiting for an appointment. They gave me a choice for three hospitals, my first two choices are all booked till the end of march (they think). The third hospital is really difficult for me to get to.

Really want my appointment ASAP. I have a gut feeling that there is something wrong.

After my third mc they referred me to see the obstetrics consultant on a regular basis incase i became pregnant again. I had seen when i first became pregnant. It wasnt much help but am still seeing her.

xx

 

[haaza123]

I don't feel like a strong lady though, i feel really weak.

My manager has also told me that she has read that people who have had lots of mc'c naturally have a healthy baby. Right now it doesnt feel like it.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

they shoulda done ur bloods there and then.. i had my bloods done the day i went in for my m/c and had another 6 weeks later...

 

[Orange lady]

My nextdoor neighbour had 5 miscarriages before a healthy baby. I agree that you need to get checked out, but I am sure it'll happen for you
xxxx stay strong

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

its always bestto have testsas for the full works, genetics, blood problems, everything it takes 3 months to getanswers but its worth it. it gave me my answers. i really hope it gives you yours
xxx

 

[haaza123]

when i had a erpc after my first mc, they sent some of the tissues for testing. Think they said to test for tumour or something.

Thats about it.

Its really hard watching and hearing others are getting pregnant and having babys.
xx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

tumour is that it.. they shudda done genetics on baby and on u.. see if theres a connection

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

demand genetics, bloods and all tests for reacurrant m/c they are rele worth it hunni honest.. stressful but it put me on the right road.
xxxxxx

 

[coccyx]

I can understand your pain as i had 6 miscs before we had our first baby. I have been fortunate to have 4 babies the down side was 9 miscs in total mixed in along the way. I think i got tougher as time went on . Each loss was awful but with time i knew i had to gather myself up and try again. Its natural to feel envious of others who are pregnant or have babies, as long as it does not become hateful. I would try and take an interest as i hoped they would when my time came. Get as many tests done as you can, finding the main cause of our miscarriages gave me some hope. I wish you well in the future

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry to hear about your losses, from the bottom of your heart. I have lost, but the strength you must have to survive this is incredible.

As hard as it will be, please try and get to the appointments. If they mess you about, just push and push until they cannot help but listen. I know it will be hard, and its so easy for me to say, but they could be able to put you on the right track to having the baby you so deserve.

Thinking of you