How do you handle the fear of miscarriage?

[SWlady]

I just got my BFP last Wednesday after 8 days of spotting and cramping. Now the spotting has stopped, but I still have occasional cramping. The dr did blood tests last week (one Wed and one Fri) and said my HCGs were progressing nicely. But I am just so scared this second time around.

Last summer we had a MMC, which we found out about at our 12 week scan. I had a D&C shortly after and then later found out I had had a molar pregnancy. So, after months of follow up we were only cleared to start trying again in Nov.

Now that we're pregnant again, I just want to be excited and to relax, but I'm finding it so hard not to stress all the time. I feel every twinge, cramp, etc. and worry that something is wrong. It's frustrating!

How do you guys balance out your anxiety about MC?

 

[spunky84]

I think you have to just take it a day at a time; sometimes an hour at a time.

I had 2 mmc (one in 2008 and one in 2010 - 1 d&c and 1 natural). The second one I had brown spotting for several weeks. With this one, I had brown spotting with brown clots from 5+4 until 7+3 (with a gestational sac only at 6+1 w/ hcg levels over 18,000).

I was a wreck and couldn't function for several days. I didn't see my midwife until 7+4 and I discussed my anxiety. She prescribed buspar as needed. I didn't take the buspar much, but on the days I couldn't function, I took it and it really helped.

I tried to find healthy outlets to get my mind off my worry. I was able to get the heartbeat on the doppler at 8+6, so that has been a tremendous help in easing my worries.

The anxiety won't fully go away, but if you can find healthy outlets (even if just reading or watching a movie), that might help. Also, talking to the ladies on here really helped. They are a big part of how I got through the worst of it. If you feel like it's interrupting your day to day life, talk to your doctor. Don't suffer if they can help you.

Thinking of you

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Congratulations!

What worked for me was having a doppler so I could check in when I was really antsy- admittedly it got lots of use near the beginning (8-10 wks) and then again around the time of our loss. Also, taking it one day at a time. And we only told who we wanted when we were comfortable.

I found one of the hardest things about our loss was that I had planned out the future and had to "undo" it all in my head.

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you a smooth, healthy full term pregnancy.

 

[laura109]

I think its more when you get further along. You will never stop worrying about something whatever stage your at lol. But you have a larger chance of carrying a healthy full term baby. The miscarriage risk is teeny. I was the same with my daughter. Shes a month old now. I had a really early miscarriage in 2013. i am sure this time will be different xx

 

[SWlady]

Thank you all!

I think I just needed to hear some reassurance today and reminders that it's out of my control and I just need to focus on other things (books, movies, etc).

I appreciate all of your support - it definitely helps calm me!

 

[laura109]

I know how hard i found waiting for them first 12 weeks too pass. Until you have your first scan its hard to believe it in my opinion.

this worked for me but may not be everyones idea of good.

a home doppler after 12 weeks. Mine cost £20. It not only reassured me when i was worrying but also was an amazing feeling. Hearing her kicks and heart beat whenever i wanted was a god send xx

 

[BethK]

The only way i can do it is by taking it day by day.

If i had a choice i'd tell no one until after my 12 week scan, however with ivf i had to take time off and get financial support so my work and family know.

I bled at 5 weeks so went in for a scan at 5 1/2 weeks, i've had a scan nearly every week since then so it has helped. We had a misdiagnosed MC at 6 1/2 weeks and went in for D&C a couple of weeks later but they found it again!

Yesterday i had another scan, everything was perfect.

I didn't inform the MW. I wanted to know it was ok first. I had a MMC once before and had had my booking in appointment and it was so sad to see all the books she gave us knowing that it was not going to be.

So this time i waited, i called the docs yesterday and my booking in appointment is at 10+5.

I've just ordered a doppler which i know will help.

I just try to take my mind off it, pretend it's not happening.

I haven't bought anything, even maternity stuff i wont buy until after 12 weeks, even though my clothes are too tight.

 

[claireanddaz]

I feel the same way everyday i keep thinking will i miscary today, i had a mc at 5 weeks last year so every cramp i get i worry and when i go to the toilet i worry ive got to stop! I just try and think positive everything wll be fine! I want to get excited but not until after i see a heartbeat!

 

[Dark_Star]

I don't handle it well at all. I've been freaking out to a lesser or greater degree for 2.5 months now. I just try and stay as calm as possible for the baby's sake and take care of myself. That's all any of us can do.

 

[Dia0624]

I had a similar situation as you, a partial molar from a miscarriage at 9 weeks, then after we were cleared to try I had another miscarriage at 5 weeks (I let myself get excited there again), then in Jan I just had a chemical. It's been the worst year of my life. So the fear will never go away for me anymore but all you have to do is take it one day at a time, not think or allow yourself to get too excited, and just see what happens at each appt. stay positive for the benefit of the baby, eat well and do your best not to worry. Just be happy. Having a baby is hard for some of us, but it will work out when it's meant to be

 

[staycb01]

I posted something similar last week.... I'm in the same boat. We had a MMC last year at 9 weeks due to Turners. (missing a chromosome). Everyday I find myself online reading "success stories after miscarriage" - to try and boost my mood. It's the hardest thing because I want to be excited - but obviously can't, and I just worry all the time and am on edge. All I can do is take the best care of myself as possible and hope for the best. From what I read there's no higher miscarriage rate because of a miscarriage, so I'm holding onto hope

 

[Jenny Bean]

Believe it or not I still think about it and I am happy to say I am entering the 3rd trimester tomorrow.

This website really helped me along in the first trimester.

It may provide you some comfort as well.

https://spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

 

[staycb01]

Believe it or not I still think about it and I am happy to say I am entering the 3rd trimester tomorrow.

This website really helped me along in the first trimester.

It may provide you some comfort as well.

https://spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

Thank you so much for that link!!!

 

[Mrs G]

It is a feeling that doesn't really go away but I do firmly believe in positive thought and my philosophy this time has been to believe in my baby and trust that it is all going to be fine. I know that, as much as I hate to admit it, it is out if my hands but I am determined to enjoy being pregnant for as long as that may be. Having said all that, I am a worrier, and will go for more scans and am hoping I can figure out my doppler soon! Through the whole, lengthy, ttc process my mantra had always been don't stop believing and I don't intend to!

Jenny, love love that website. Thank you.

Xx

 

[SWlady]

Believe it or not I still think about it and I am happy to say I am entering the 3rd trimester tomorrow.

This website really helped me along in the first trimester.

It may provide you some comfort as well.

https://spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

That is so helpful! I had this vague idea of the statistics, but this makes me feel like the odds are more in my favor.

Ladies - Thank you all for your responses. It's so nice to be able to post and have a flood of encouragement and support. I feel lucky to have found this community!

 

[tigerlilly]

One day at a time sweetie x

 

[bathbabe]

I used that website too. I needed to know the stats so i could rationalise the worry in my head!
Im still anxious but thats because I havnt had my scan yet (its next tuesday and i'll be 13+6!) Once iv had my scan I will be able to totally relax more! I was exactly the same when pregnant with my son xx