How do you know when you're done having kids?

[steffi2]

A friend of mine said, you'll just know. Well, I have never been so confused in my life. 2 months ago we were trying for number 4. My dh and I talked about how nice it would be for the baby to have a playmate a year or 2 younger than him.

However, this week some things have been bothering me such as:
a) Could we afford to send another child to school? Tuition for 4 is going to be tough and right now we can't even afford another car.
b) Our ages. My dh will be 48 and I will be 41 this year. Dh says he may be too old to be raising a baby at 49 or 50.
c) The risks. I am so scared of having a baby with health issues.

The last time I spoke to my OB she said if I wanted another baby I would have to try ASAP after our baby is 1 year old. All my kids are CS babies. Hubby refused to have my tubes tied since he said any form of contraception is against the Catholic church. He said that I have a hard time getting pregnant anyway...my kids are 4 to 5 years apart.

Oh, I don't know what to do. I actually told my dh, let's try for 6 months, if it doesn't happen, then I am okay with it. I just hope that in 2 to 4 years, we don't regret our decision.

So back to the question: How did you know you were done or what made you think otherwise?

 

[Mummytofour]

It's a difficult one really!

I had my two DD, then my DS and thought I was done. Then I found out I was expecting again and 16 weeks gone with my next DD!

After the initial shock, I thought "okay, so thats me done now". However...I got broody again in 2009 and had a MMC in October that year. I think this is what made me more determined to have another one. Alongwith the fact that my best bud is just about to have her 6th!!

I really think after this one I will be done as my DH is now 55 and I am 40, but I am already joking with him about the next one to even up the numbers!

Having said that, if we had 6 we would have to buy a new car, rethink the whole private education thing, bedrooms etc. So maybe even if I do ever want another, I will have to stop!

I just think if you are naturally maternal, the feelings never actually leave you.

 

[seoj]

I think this is such a personal decision... and you have to do what feels right for you.

We only want one more. My hubby and I raise his daughter (13yrs old) and just want one together. I think that would be perfect for us. I always wanted 2 kids when I was young and thought about it. And honestly, I've never understood why some people want 10! lol. But that is just not who I am (I don't have that desire). I want enough to feel fulfilled, but I also want to be able to give my kids all I can. Not on a silver platter or anything- I believe kids should have to work for what they want... I did. But we have a beautiful home and our child is fully taken care of physically, mentally and emotionally. I'd never want to think we could have given her more had we not had another child... But with one more, we would be totally fine.

Plus, with such a big age gap, we won't have to worry about college etc for two kids at the same time... that is one thing that's very important to me. I wasn't able to go to college when I was young because my parents couldn't afford it. So I went straight to work- thinking I'd save up the money, but we all know how that goes... lol. In no way do I blame them or think badly for it. That was just our situation. But I want to make sure my kids have that opportunity. I had to struggle and work very hard for a very long time to get where I am... and I have no regrets... but it would be nice for my child to be able to go to college and not worry so much about money.

I guess, long story short, you'll know what is best for your family... not just for the family you want, but for the family you already have

 

[CrazyforYou]

Hi everyone,

Been browsing this forum for a couple of weeks but this thread gave me the urge to post.

I don't want to detract from the OP but i have the same question from a different angle. Hopefully you will be able to help.

I married young and had 3 children, now teenagers. Been a lone parent for eight years but been with my partner for 3. We don't live together. I long ago reached the decision i didn't want more children and life was now goin to be for me. I am in my second year at college (I'm 38 btw) and have applied to University this summer. I now find myself incredibly broody and wanting to have one more child. My partner has no children and has said he doesn't want any. I have spoken to him about how i am feeling and hoping he may change his mind. He would be an excellent parent.

I am now feeling very confused and mixed up about why this is happening to me and why out of the blue these emotions are now dominating my everyday thoughts, which takes me back to the title of this thread;

How do you know when you're done having children?
Why is this happening to me now?
And if anyone has experienced this or can help in anyway i would be very grateful.

Sorry i haven't done an Intro yet, but this thread just caught me and i could really do with some advice

 

[mom22boys]

I'm 34 so I hope you dont mind me butting in. My husbands aunt told me that the want to have another baby never went away for her. ( she is in her 70's) I think I am the same way. I just cannot afford all that I would like to have.

 

[MustangGTgirl]

I wish I knew the answer to this question too! I had my oldest son very young at 16 and I said I would never have more as I really didn't want kids to begin with. Well fast forward 6+ years later and I was dieing for another baby. So I got pregnant and had another son and I swore off having any more kids, 2 was definitely enough. Well....lol... fast forward 2 years and I wanted another baby super duper duper bad but I figured it was for the best not to have another. I am in my first year of college right now and I figured that my 2 kids were enough since I would be 40 when the youngest was grown and I had everything planned out great! I still really really wanted another baby though and was super jealous at anybody around me who got pregnant but I was definitely not going to "try" to have another one. I guess I was meant to have another because I got a special surprise the first month my hubby wasn't so careful (if you know what I mean). So yeah, I wish I knew too because I feel like I want one more after this to even out the numbers but hubby says definitely not! Not sure if I can persuade him to do it again.

 

[steffi2]

MustangGTgirl: Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[MustangGTgirl]

Thanks steffi

 

[Seity]

The thought of being pregnant and having to deal with another baby fills me with horror.
I can't even feel happy for other people who are pregnant.
Sounds like I'm done having babies to me. I can only hope that I hit menopause early like my mom.