How do you Know you are done? I go back in forth between I feel so done, I have 2 active boys one who is almost 6 the other almost 3.. and days I am like I so could not imagin having another one, to days where I think I would really like to add to our family. I know DH is really done and I don't think he will ever budge on wanting to try again.. So How did you know you were done and feel comfortable saying that you are done? Thanks for the advice
Hi, I've also got 2 boys that are 6 & 3, I've gone back and forth for years since my 2nd was born, I new if we did have another I'd want a slightly bigger gap so there was no pressure t make a decision then. As time has gone on I've swung wildly between been totally happy and not wanting another to really wanting another and loosing sleep over it agonising about it and the last few days have been one of them times. Yes it would be lovely to have another to experience it all over again and to add another to our family but I have to also be logical and think about the children I already have and the lifestyle I want for them and us. It's not an easy decision and no doubt I will question it again in the future but I know that things will be easier if we stick with what we have, not just that but the cost and potential problems a third could bring.
I know that all of those points don't matter when your stuck on wanting another because you still have that urge despite all the reasons not too.
One thing that helps for me is I was looking at places for our annual Christmas trip the other day and noted how much more it would be for an extra one, the premier inn only sleeps 4 to a room so would likely mean 2 rooms and while I could think, well we could do something different, just a day trip instead or whatever- I then think that's causing us to miss out.
So basically for me I don't want to miss out on the things we do, our weekends away our abroad holidays etc they would be fewer and far between with a 3rd with the he added expense plus higher food bill and childcare.
Some days I do think that dosnt matter and we would work around it and think of the fun a third would add etc that's my heart taking over i think, but my head is trying to be logical and sensible and the thought of the potential outcomes. Is it worth risking everything going bad (no money, stressed out, sibling flights, one getting left out, no holiday to look forward to etc) for the chance that it could go well.
Sometimes aswell it feels like people expect us to have another with having 2 boys, I get asked now and then if we will and the fleeting thought comes back, all those nice firsts the exciting time of pregnancy and birth an a newborn etc it's very very tempting but i have to think what it would really mean. It would be lovely to have a girl I'd so love to have a girl with all my heart but we're not guaranteed and as much as I'd love another boy I dont think I want to risk it, it may sound bad but it wouldn't feel as exciting as I've done it twice already it would probably be just going through the motions and how would I feel, I'd never regreat a child but I may feel sad on the other 2 having to miss out cause I wanted another.
It's so much harder not acting on something though than acting on it.
my partner is totally against it anyway, I jut try not to think about it too much I'll probably always wonder what it could of been like but I'll know things will be much easier and our lifestyle slightly more extravagant and stress free (which I like) than with 3. I do feel a sense of ease (not sure If that's the right word) when I go food shopping and everything's in packs of 4 and family tickets are in packs of 4 etc sort of a relief I don't have more to buy for!
It's nice that we can give each other a break now and then too and are able to take both kids on our own fairly easily or we can take 1'each like at the park at the weekend the both wanted help on the balance course thing (someone would have to wait with 3 and that may not go down well!), and of course do things all together too. I definatley benefit from some time out for myself now and then and makes me a better mummy, that would be very difficult with 3.
It's like it would be 3 kids with no break for myself (although having 1 kid might feel like a break compared to 3 if partner took the other 2, but deffo not the same!) and hardly any holidays to look forward too and I love my holidays as do the kids
plus the age gap, would be hard to do things to suit everyone, where as now my boys are great together have some similar interests we can go to soft play and both be in their element and the park etc and watch films they both enjoy etc the list goes on!
We're going to get a puppy next yr to have lots more fun with
Sorry it ended up really long, its a really hard call to make and no way of really knowing if it's the right one. I suppose just think of how you want you lifestyle to be, if you can afford it and handle it/if you have family to help out and what your partner thinks too.
I don't neccarserly feel 'done' but I know it's for the best and when I think of all the 'pros' of sticking with 2 it helps, aswell as going on lots of lovely trips and the occasional spa day
