how often do you allow your ex to change visiting arrangements???

[xxannxx]

Me and my ex have an arrangement, where LO stays 1 night per weekend with him (alternating Friday and Saturday), and 1 full weekend in 4, which I think is fair as we both then have 1 free night at weekend to make plans. I manage to make most plans for nights when I know LO is with his dad, and if I have something arranged for when I have LO I get my parents to look after him, which, as this doesn't happen often, my parents don't mind. However, my ex seems to be constantly wanting to change days and times as he as plans to do something else, regardless if I have made plans or not and although he lives with his parents, he has never left LO with them on his own, so now LO won't stay alone with them. My family think that I allow ex to do this way too much, and I know that this is true, and was just wondering if anyone else has this problem with their ex???

 

[purpledahlia]

I cant sat i have this problem (yet) as babys not here, but i dont think its fair! its not fair on the little one... or you.. or anyone else! you should both stick to whats been arranged (i know u do im just saying generally ) That way the child knows thats going on and has a routine. Its only fair, Fair enough every now and then if somehting important on like a wedding or something, but not all the time. be strong, put your foot down!

 

[xxannxx]

Thank you, I know your right, and have told ex that i'm not changing arrangements anymore unless i have plenty of notice and its important (not a night out with mates). If he can't take him because of stupid reasons like this then he will just miss that week, its his choice.

 

[purpledahlia]

Yeah thats good. If he cant come and chooses to miss it then tough for him. he cant have it all his own way thats just selfish and not fair on child or you. If he misses a certain amount of visits i think you can stop the agreeement if you wanted too aswell. legally i mean. you would have more rights as he has had the chance to come but chosen not too in the courts eye thats his fault.

 

[brando]

I have my kid twice a week, once during the week & then at the weekend, which we agreed to & stuck with for many years now but every now n again one of us has something on that requires us to change days, the saying you help me i help you springs to mind but dont let him take the mick if he regularly doing it

 

[DizzyMoo]

If he's doing it quite often then put your foot down, There is nothing wrong with changing times/day if its needed but not for silly reasons like nights out or plans with mates etc that's just not on & thing is if you say well you just dont see baby then he is still getting his own way & baby is losing out . That defo isnt on.
He cant be allowed to either change days, OR just cancel .. he has to accept sometimes that he is gonna have to cancel his own plans in favour of his baby. Dont stand for his nonsence hun get him told

 

[suzanne108]

I'd say that its a choice between LO and a night out. So if he chooses to go on the night out with his mates, he loses his chance to see LO! That will be my plan when/if the time comes.

If a court order was in place to say when he could see LO, he wouldn't be able to swap and change.

Be strong with him xx

 

[Maffie]

We have oh's children every other weekend, but there have been occasions this has needed to be changed, ie oh's farther died, I think in those circumstances or being sent away with work its understandable but not for constantly changing them.

 

[xxannxx]

Thank you for your replies, its good to know i'm not being unreasonable to expect him to fit his plans around LO. Of course there is exceptions to every rule and will change arrangements for emergency situations, but have decided that that will be all. I actually asked him to change arrangement for me once, and he said that he felt like he was being used as a babysitter!!! Think that says it all

 

[purpledahlia]

Id give him his last chance and then thats it, hes messing you around, and the child around. And just read your other post about money... Hes pushing his luck.

 

[McLovin]

agree with everyone here. Your little one needs stability and routine - and it's not fair that he's messing up your plans. How would he like it if you changed it to suit you all the time? x