How Our Children Turn Out As Adults - Nature Or Nurture?

[Lellow]

Hello

Just watching 'Loose Women' and there discussing exactly this.

Is how our children turn out as adults more of a case of nature or nurture?

Do genes have alot to do with it or is the way we raise them up and the morals we instill them at a young age the major factor?

I say this because in one family, with more than one child, each one was raised almost identically yet can grow up to be soooo different to one another that nature almost HAS to be a massive component in this.

Just wondered what people thought.

 

[bathbabe]

I think its both. I dont think that it can be said that is definatly one or the other x

 

[Natasha2605]

I think both too. There are 15 months between me and my brother. Both went to same schools, eat the same , disciplined the same etc etc.

He :
*Has barely kept a job down in his life
*Would rather keep himself to himself
*Is a lot more bad tempered and bad mouthed
*Left high school with very little qualifications
*Thinks life owes him one big favour
*Hated school and authority

I:
*Have worked constantly since 16
*Enjoyed school and left with 5 highers
*Have a place at university
*Am a lot more chilled and people friendly
*Respect authority

You can see the differences, we are literally polar opposites and that's obviously down to be differently natured, rather than the way we were brought up.

 

[jakey1]

Oooooh - interesting subject. Personally I think it's nature. My mum is one of three children and all three of them were raised in exactly the same way. Both my mum and her eldest brother have grown up to be very decent people. The middle brother however, is a total a**hole. He has always been in some sort of trouble despite being bailed out by my grandparents continuously and having a very supportive and loving family around him. He has caused my Grandparents nothing but worry throughout his life. I think it's still important that we nurture our kids and try to teach them right from wrong wherever possible and I do think that the majority lead by example. But ultimately you are always going to get some kids who don't - hope that makes sense x

 

[Jibber Jabber]

Personally I think its both, I also believe there is no such thing as a bad child or person I believe that something happens to them along the way to make them the way they are.

 

[xemmax]

i find this subject so interesting, i studied the philosophy of self at university and really i have no idea how i feel about it.

there is a theory that all people are blank canvases and we are moulded by our experience (this experience begins in the womb, which is why babies are all so different). i'm really drawn to this idea. i think by this theory all opinions and discriminations can be explained by a differing level of experience.

when you really get into it, it's completely possible that several children in the same family brought up in the 'same way' can turn out completely different to one another. actually, in my opinion, it's more likely than them turning out to be the same. firstly i think it's inevitable that no upbringing will be the same as subsequent children are always treated differently than their older siblings due to many things, such as time constraints (what with having additional children to attend to rather than just one) and learned lessons (parenting is a total learning curve as we all know), and secondly they already have an additional person/people in their lives - their older siblings - therefore more people to 'learn' from and influence the development of their 'self'. their parents will also have naturally changed due to their age, any changes in their life - their career, financially, within their relationship etc, which will all impact on the way that they parent their current child.

sorry went off on a bit of a tangeant.. love thinking about this! i guess for me i'm swayed to the 'nurture' side of things, but i've no idea really.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

What Emma said really, I think it is very interesting too.

My brother and I are completely different personalities although we are the same in some ways too. I am shy (used to be very very shy - am getting better now) - this is definitely due to 'nuture' as I was a very outgoing child who only became shy once certain things happened to me in my childhood.

 

[kawaiigirl]

I think both but maybe more to do with nurture! I just think about how things are in this day and age with kids getting away with everything. Its definately getting worse as the years go on! Not enough disciplin in my opinion!! Interesting topic! So hard to say xx

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I think both but maybe more to do with nurture! I just think about how things are in this day and age with kids getting away with everything. Its definately getting worse as the years go on! Not enough disciplin in my opinion!! Interesting topic! So hard to say xx

I don't agree with that at all, but that is a whole new thread!

 

[kerrie24]

I think nurture.
People round where I live like to blame things for the way their kids turned out.No work ethic,causing trouble from a young age,failing at school and turning into druggies or alcoholics.Its always somebody elses fault.
My family have been brought up in the same (extreme poverty!?) areas and gone to the same schools and we didnt turn out like that.
My children are fantastic and it isnt down to genes its down to me doing a damn good job and I dont think im perfect, that is the only good thing I ever say about myself.

 

[bbyno1]

I think what xemmax said was brilliant and agree with all of it

 

[jakey1]

i find this subject so interesting, i studied the philosophy of self at university and really i have no idea how i feel about it.

there is a theory that all people are blank canvases and we are moulded by our experience (this experience begins in the womb, which is why babies are all so different). i'm really drawn to this idea. i think by this theory all opinions and discriminations can be explained by a differing level of experience.

when you really get into it, it's completely possible that several children in the same family brought up in the 'same way' can turn out completely different to one another. actually, in my opinion, it's more likely than them turning out to be the same. firstly i think it's inevitable that no upbringing will be the same as subsequent children are always treated differently than their older siblings due to many things, such as time constraints (what with having additional children to attend to rather than just one) and learned lessons (parenting is a total learning curve as we all know), and secondly they already have an additional person/people in their lives - their older siblings - therefore more people to 'learn' from and influence the development of their 'self'. their parents will also have naturally changed due to their age, any changes in their life - their career, financially, within their relationship etc, which will all impact on the way that they parent their current child.

sorry went off on a bit of a tangeant.. love thinking about this! i guess for me i'm swayed to the 'nurture' side of things, but i've no idea really.

Can I change my mind Initially, just thinking of my own family as an example I was inclined to say Nature but after reading what xemmax has said I don't know now thought the above quote made a lot of sense so I think I'm gonna say that both factors have an influence now x

 

[Lightworker]

I love your threads! I think its nature mainly. The way we nurture our children can impact them in so far as either heightening or diminishing/mask existing qualities, but I believe they are born with their individual personalities although these can be affected by their childhood experiences. I am spiritual so I believe we come to earth to learn and our personalities may change as we grow, but our innate nature remains the same. I like the quote "experiences don't make the man, they merely reveal him"

 

[kawaiigirl]

I know xemmax talks so much sense, thanks for that x

 

[xemmax]

If anyone ever fancies a geek read about the theory of tabula rasa ('blank slate') then i really recommend An Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke. So interesting!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Essay_Concerning_Human_Understanding

 

[xemmax]

Oooooh - interesting subject. Personally I think it's nature. My mum is one of three children and all three of them were raised in exactly the same way. Both my mum and her eldest brother have grown up to be very decent people. The middle brother however, is a total a**hole. He has always been in some sort of trouble despite being bailed out by my grandparents continuously and having a very supportive and loving family around him. He has caused my Grandparents nothing but worry throughout his life. I think it's still important that we nurture our kids and try to teach them right from wrong wherever possible and I do think that the majority lead by example. But ultimately you are always going to get some kids who don't - hope that makes sense x

ever heard of middle child syndrome? perhaps that could explain his attitude (if you believe in it)?

 

[Mum22GTTC]

Oooh, this really is interesting and is something I often wonder about.

I'm one of 4, three of us are what I'd call decent people. The youngest is, well I don't know how to describe him, but I'm sure you know what I mean!

I agree with xemmax, because that makes perfect sense to me, but I also agree with huggermomof2

I honestly wish I knew the answer to the OPs question as it's really something that quite worrys me!

 

[xemmax]

I love your threads! I think its nature mainly. The way we nurture our children can impact them in so far as either heightening or diminishing/mask existing qualities, but I believe they are born with their individual personalities although these can be affected by their childhood experiences. I am spiritual so I believe we come to earth to learn and our personalities may change as we grow, but our innate nature remains the same. I like the quote "experiences don't make the man, they merely reveal him"

i'm not sure whether i agree with it but i really like the last quote. i'm not really sure what i believe or whether there is a right answer to this kind of question!

 

[kawaiigirl]

I don't think there is a right answer as such. Sorry xemmax, I just mentioned you in the other thread about middle child syndrome. Hope you don't mind and take it as a compliment! Xx

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Wellll I think our personalities and how we turn out can alllll be explained by the wonders of ASTROLOGY!