How Our Children Turn Out As Adults - Nature Or Nurture?

Oooooh - interesting subject. Personally I think it's nature. My mum is one of three children and all three of them were raised in exactly the same way. Both my mum and her eldest brother have grown up to be very decent people. The middle brother however, is a total a**hole. He has always been in some sort of trouble despite being bailed out by my grandparents continuously and having a very supportive and loving family around him. He has caused my Grandparents nothing but worry throughout his life. I think it's still important that we nurture our kids and try to teach them right from wrong wherever possible and I do think that the majority lead by example. But ultimately you are always going to get some kids who don't - hope that makes sense x

ever heard of middle child syndrome? perhaps that could explain his attitude (if you believe in it)?

I had heard of middle child syndrome but had never really read anything about it. But I've just read this article and OMG!! The characteristics they say can be displayed by a middle child are absolutely spot on with regards to my uncle. This is the article: -

https://www.ehow.co.uk/list_6325724_middle-child-syndrome-characteristics.html

As much as I will never forgive my uncle for some of the heartbreak he has caused my beloved Grandparents, it certainly does explain why he may have gone down this road, and maybe he has just been crying out for attention all these years :shrug:
 
This thread is so interesting. I know what I'll be googling tonight!
 
I think nature trumps nurture though both have a say in our personality.

My mum is a twin and couldn't be more different from her sister even though they were literally raised identically. When you read my Grandma's baby journal you can see that even as tiny babies they were so different in temperament and likes and dislikes - if it was truly down to nurture they would have been similar instead of so different imo.
 
Yep was going to mention twins. Because some argue that the way a mother is during her pregnancy affects the child's temperament, and even though I agree with this to some extent, I think twins are a classic example of us already having our own personality, before the effects of our childhood kick in.
 
i think it's a bit of both.
i do think nurture plays a big role .. and you can't be with your kids 100% of the time so you never know what's influencing them when you're not around iykwim.

my last name is "Day" , there's a lot of us around here .. and there's a few personality traits we all seem to have .. they're not all overly flattering, but hey. When my parents were growing up, Day's were called "Daygeboos"
and a lot of people can tell who my family is just by meeting/getting to know me, without saying my last name. So i'd think a bit of that is nature, or genes we all seem to have lol
 
Oooooh - interesting subject. Personally I think it's nature. My mum is one of three children and all three of them were raised in exactly the same way. Both my mum and her eldest brother have grown up to be very decent people. The middle brother however, is a total a**hole. He has always been in some sort of trouble despite being bailed out by my grandparents continuously and having a very supportive and loving family around him. He has caused my Grandparents nothing but worry throughout his life. I think it's still important that we nurture our kids and try to teach them right from wrong wherever possible and I do think that the majority lead by example. But ultimately you are always going to get some kids who don't - hope that makes sense x

ever heard of middle child syndrome? perhaps that could explain his attitude (if you believe in it)?

I had heard of middle child syndrome but had never really read anything about it. But I've just read this article and OMG!! The characteristics they say can be displayed by a middle child are absolutely spot on with regards to my uncle. This is the article: -

https://www.ehow.co.uk/list_6325724_middle-child-syndrome-characteristics.html

As much as I will never forgive my uncle for some of the heartbreak he has caused my beloved Grandparents, it certainly does explain why he may have gone down this road, and maybe he has just been crying out for attention all these years :shrug:



I am a middle child and I HATE IT. I am 23 now and I still HATE IT, I didnt have a bad childhood just always felt out of place! I dont want a 3rd child for this reason!
 
Although at first glance twins seem to pose a problem in the theory of tabula rasa, it can actually be used to defend nurture rather than nature. As identical twins share the same DNA, surely nurture is the componant which explains their differences? Naturally speaking their DNA is identical so it is not responsible for a twin's different personality.

Also, one twin's experience within the womb will always different from the other's. It may seem pedantic but this comes down to anything from sleeping habits (what one twin may hear while the other sleeps) to how much each twin receives from the mother (in terms of nurturing, depending on which is the dominant twin). Even more pedantic but really relevant in this kind of argument is that no one in the world will ever experience the same moment in the same way purely because of positioning - if we both witness the same tree falling down you will view it from a different perspective to me purely because you are standing in another place and this makes your experience of the moment different to mine (however small the difference may be). This can be applied to twins. Also, the very fact that the twins share the womb with another being capable of independant thought ensures that their experiences will be very different from one another, as there is an immediate influence from their sibling.

This kind of argument always heads into the debate of the exitence of a soul.. I suppose if you believe that it is purely nurture and experiences which create a person then you are denying the existence of a soul, and if you are spiritual, your faith may likely be in nature.

Just my thoughts.
 
Ooh the old nature nurture debate. Spent many a sleepless night writing essays on this for uni!

And I still couldnt say which one I think is more dominant, haha.

Nature def plays a part I think. My mum is a very laid back, chilled out woman and I believe I inherited these traits from her. Not to be big headed or anything but I am more intelligent than my mum so I dont think this came from her and my dad died young before I really got to know him so maybe he was were I got that from?

Nature though plays a huge part (maybe that is what I lean towards then). Our environment definately influences or behaviours.

xxx
 
I think its nurture.

I do think nature plays a tiny part, but I really think nurture is the biggest factor. What you kids learn at a very young age stays with them for life and I really believe its the ground rules and influences they are brought up with that turn them into the adults they become.
 
I leaned heavily towards nurture rather than nature before I had a child. When I had William I was shocked at how much of a personality he was born with, I expected to see his personality forming over time but he really just seemed to be born with one.

Obviously I hope I will have an impact with things I teach him (manners, respect, work ethic, things like that) but some much of the essence of who he is seems to have been there right from the start.

I am not curious as to what a second while would be like and how William's personality will continue to show as he grows older.
 
Ive just had another thought too,if I was to give birth to my children and send to live with someone else,who parents differently to me,they would still be mine by nature.

But they would be brought up differently and behave according to the rules/boundries that are set by their role models and so then would they grow up to be the same children that I have now?
 
Yeah I think why the nature vs nurture debate never reaches a conclusion is because there is no universally accepted starting point ie like me, some people believe we are in essence souls, who are having a human experience and come with existent feelings and inclinations, and others who believe we begin at birth and so they can reconcile themselves to the concept of tabula rasa. Its all very fascinating stuff and everytime I have this debate, I always learn something new, eg with the twins and tabula rasa
 
Ive just had another thought too,if I was to give birth to my children and send to live with someone else,who parents differently to me,they would still be mine by nature.

But they would be brought up differently and behave according to the rules/boundries that are set by their role models and so then would they grow up to be the same children that I have now?

Thats an interesting theory.

I dont believe they would grow up to be the same.
 
Yeah I think why the nature vs nurture debate never reaches a conclusion is because there is no universally accepted starting point ie like me, some people believe we are in essence souls, who are having a human experience and come with existent feelings and inclinations, and others who believe we begin at birth and so they can reconcile themselves to the concept of tabula rasa. Its all very fascinating stuff and everytime I have this debate, I always learn something new, eg with the twins and tabula rasa

:thumbup: i totally agree, very well said. the existence of the soul is obviously another debate for another time but really is central in the nature vs nurture argument.
 
Although at first glance twins seem to pose a problem in the theory of tabula rasa, it can actually be used to defend nurture rather than nature. As identical twins share the same DNA, surely nurture is the componant which explains their differences? Naturally speaking their DNA is identical so it is not responsible for a twin's different personality.

Also, one twin's experience within the womb will always different from the other's. It may seem pedantic but this comes down to anything from sleeping habits (what one twin may hear while the other sleeps) to how much each twin receives from the mother (in terms of nurturing, depending on which is the dominant twin). Even more pedantic but really relevant in this kind of argument is that no one in the world will ever experience the same moment in the same way purely because of positioning - if we both witness the same tree falling down you will view it from a different perspective to me purely because you are standing in another place and this makes your experience of the moment different to mine (however small the difference may be). This can be applied to twins. Also, the very fact that the twins share the womb with another being capable of independant thought ensures that their experiences will be very different from one another, as there is an immediate influence from their sibling.

This kind of argument always heads into the debate of the exitence of a soul.. I suppose if you believe that it is purely nurture and experiences which create a person then you are denying the existence of a soul, and if you are spiritual, your faith may likely be in nature.

Just my thoughts.

Emma you're beautiful and brainy! I love it! Your posts on this are so thought-provoking; I started reading the article on John Locke and will finish it soon...fascinating.

I've always believed that nature and nurture contribute to how a person turns out. DNA obviously plays a huge part, as can be seen in family members who have never known each other and share the same characteristics. My DH is an example of this - he didn't know his father until he was about 19, and they are very similar. But clearly the way a child is raised, the specific interactions with its mother or other primary caregiver, any other people, all contributing influences, shape who the child becomes.

Here's another layer I would like to discuss, and especially to see if Emma has any light to shed on it: a child's innate personality ALSO influences the way it's mother interacts with it. So nature directly influences nurture, iykwim. So we can't just argue that 2 or more children were raised in the same household and turned out different, therefore it's all down to nature. Here's what I mean. My first son was born with a very fiery little personality which affected the way I raised him. I had to be more firm with him because he was so strong-willed. Then my second son was really mild, so I was rather lax with him. So my argument is that children raised in the same home, by the same parents, are not treated the same. My boys did in fact turn out quite differently, because the older one is much more obedient and hard-working, and his younger brother is rather lazy and quietly disobedient. So nurture played a role in that. I hope I'm making sense, it's hard to put this into words! I think nature and nurture cannot be separated and that they influence each other and ultimately who the child grows up to be.
 
I believe in a soul. I believe that our personalities is balanced between nature and nurture. I know I am who I am because of the experiences I have gone through and my reaction to them as well. My parents were far from perfect, however they instilled some strong morals and values in me. I don't believe all the same ideals as my parents, however we agree on the fundamentals.
 
Ooh interesting subject. Always make me think of blood brothers.

I think both contribute but nurture is a bigger factor. I'm the third child of four and we are all quite different. Little things like our mannerisms are scaring similar. Personality wise though we really differ.

I think we experienced a varying degree of our parents parenting style. My eldest sister had to break all the boudaries. My parents were definitely stricter with her than me and my younger sister.
My little sister is the most dependent on my parents. She has always been the baby of the family.
Other things like moving counties have had a effect.
 
It's both. Adoption studies have shown strong biological correlations however nurturing IMO is still dominant.
 
Although at first glance twins seem to pose a problem in the theory of tabula rasa, it can actually be used to defend nurture rather than nature. As identical twins share the same DNA, surely nurture is the componant which explains their differences? Naturally speaking their DNA is identical so it is not responsible for a twin's different personality.

Also, one twin's experience within the womb will always different from the other's. It may seem pedantic but this comes down to anything from sleeping habits (what one twin may hear while the other sleeps) to how much each twin receives from the mother (in terms of nurturing, depending on which is the dominant twin). Even more pedantic but really relevant in this kind of argument is that no one in the world will ever experience the same moment in the same way purely because of positioning - if we both witness the same tree falling down you will view it from a different perspective to me purely because you are standing in another place and this makes your experience of the moment different to mine (however small the difference may be). This can be applied to twins. Also, the very fact that the twins share the womb with another being capable of independant thought ensures that their experiences will be very different from one another, as there is an immediate influence from their sibling.

This kind of argument always heads into the debate of the exitence of a soul.. I suppose if you believe that it is purely nurture and experiences which create a person then you are denying the existence of a soul, and if you are spiritual, your faith may likely be in nature.

Just my thoughts.

Emma you're beautiful and brainy! I love it! Your posts on this are so thought-provoking; I started reading the article on John Locke and will finish it soon...fascinating.

I've always believed that nature and nurture contribute to how a person turns out. DNA obviously plays a huge part, as can be seen in family members who have never known each other and share the same characteristics. My DH is an example of this - he didn't know his father until he was about 19, and they are very similar. But clearly the way a child is raised, the specific interactions with its mother or other primary caregiver, any other people, all contributing influences, shape who the child becomes.

Here's another layer I would like to discuss, and especially to see if Emma has any light to shed on it: a child's innate personality ALSO influences the way it's mother interacts with it. So nature directly influences nurture, iykwim. So we can't just argue that 2 or more children were raised in the same household and turned out different, therefore it's all down to nature. Here's what I mean. My first son was born with a very fiery little personality which affected the way I raised him. I had to be more firm with him because he was so strong-willed. Then my second son was really mild, so I was rather lax with him. So my argument is that children raised in the same home, by the same parents, are not treated the same. My boys did in fact turn out quite differently, because the older one is much more obedient and hard-working, and his younger brother is rather lazy and quietly disobedient. So nurture played a role in that. I hope I'm making sense, it's hard to put this into words! I think nature and nurture cannot be separated and that they influence each other and ultimately who the child grows up to be.

oh thank you! don't make me blush! i study philosophy at university and this was my topic of choice - really gets my mind working in overdrive.

i totally agree with you in that you responded to your children's behaviour and therefore treated them differently. but does a child have an innate personality, or are they blank slates at the point of conception whose experience from that point onwards creates the personality that they are born with? it could still be argued that your children's different personalities are due to their different experiences in the womb, so still supporting the influence of nurture rather than nature. like huggermom said, it really depends on when you believe the starting point is.

if you think along the lines that nature plays no role at all then theoretically it would be possible to create identical people with identical morals, views, opinions, personalities. if you could create two identical artificial worlds for two embryos, grow and nurture them in artifical wombs with their every influence controlled and replicated identically to the other, then, theoretically, could you create identical people?

getting a little bit into the realms of science fiction here :rofl: i do apologise.
 
Both have a big impact, although - ultimately - the most important thing is good parenting...

QT
 

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