How to accept the new woman?

[angelic_one]

Oh my god I am so glad I randomly came on here for the first time in years as I am in the EXACT same position. Ex left me for another woman last Feb, walks all over me, won't let me meet the new GF because he doesn't want her to be 'trotted out' for my benefit- WTF.

One day I said he can't see her until I've met her but he turned it back on me and said I was preventing access. I said I was only asking for something simple but he said I was preventing access and he was going to take me to court, blah blah. Ultimately I know he won't because he doesn't have the money or effort to, but no way do I want him blaming his inability to put her first on me. It was like giving him an easy way out. Ultimately that day, about 3 months ago, my dad calmed me down saying in another year he'll be gone, he'll see her less and less and she'll be mine again, and the new girl will be gone too so what's the point in meeting her? I still haven't. One day I called a charity line about it who confirmed we have no legal right to meet the new GF- which sucks but they suggested taking the option out of their hands. If I drop her off and she's in- just march upstairs and say 'Hi, I'm Emily's Mum, now we've met you can grow up and stop hiding, okay? You're welcome to the loser, I have no interest in him at all and enjoy it when he fucks you over because he will.'

Must admit- the opportunity hasn't arisen yet because he normally picks up and drops off, but I would quite enjoy doing this Might be something to try?

I'm glad you've decided to stay single, it's all too easy to jump into something new because it's scary being alone, but I've been single for 10 months now and it's the best thing that I've ever done. I also work full time and between that and being a mum- if I had a boyfriend too I'd struggle to get a moment to myself!! I know that when it happens, it will be worth the wait- as long as I don't rush into it with the wrong guy. I'm waiting for the right person this time, not any old person- which is what he has.

Hope things get better for you x

 

[Kayley]

Thank you so much for all your replies, they have really helped me.

I wish it was as simple as demanding to see her and even if I took ex to mediation I can't see that much would change. I simply can't meet somebody who doesn't want to be met. Also in honesty the routine we have works, I'm not going to try and fix something that isn't broken.

Looking back my issue was never about access or childcare, it was about finding peace within myself to accept the situation. I am learning slowly not to be so hard on myself, its my thoughts that are hurting me and I'm learning slowly to stop caring about the ex's life and build my confidence up.

At the end of the day I have to accept and it gives me reassurance that when I pick DD up she is always happy. So at the moment I'm trying to concentrate on me again and who the real me is and making sure that I too am happy.

I know I am going to have days where I am not feeling great STILL - I often wonder why he was given it all why he is allowed happiness when I am alone and miserable but then I realise that I can only make my own happiness. He is never going to make me happy ever again so I need to stop looking at him, at the situation for peace and find it in other ways.

Only last night I had a dream, ex was in bed not well, I was knealt beside him and his mum was busy in the background assembling furniture for DD - I asked ex to give me peace, I asked him for the truth and for once he gave me what I wanted to hear, then again I asked to meet the new fiancée and she came in, I shook her hand and said 'May peace be with you' then I work up!
When I woke this morning I have felt like a weight has been lifted, I felt like I've had a realisation. I came straight onto here to send this post.
I know this dream I had isn't reality but in reality it has given me a step, even if it gets taken away again I have to focus on the here and now.

I hope this has made sense and I haven't rambled but if this post can help anybody else then it has been worth it. =D x