How to bring up the subject of wanting a baby with completely scaring my OH?

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by DejaEntendu, Apr 2, 2011.

  1. DejaEntendu

    DejaEntendu Well-Known Member

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    Basically what it says in the title, I think if I were to go "I want a baby" it probably would freak him out a little bit and it certainly wouldn't get the best reaction from him so I need to know how I can bring it up and have a proper discussion about it with him without coming across as being desperate to be pregnant (I am but I don't think coming across that way would work v.well) . How did you bring up the subject of wanting children with your OH's and DH's ?
     
  2. Princesskell

    Princesskell Love my 2 babies

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    We've been together since 16 so he's always known. Everybody always asks when we will be having kids so that's always been there. I was desperate to get married as I wanted to be husband and wife before we had children and now I finally persuaded him to do that (!) we are ready! How old is your oh? I started a few discussions with talking about age and how old my parents were when they had me and how at our age my parents had a 9 year old and a 5year old-that made him bring up the subject and say that we better get on with it!!
    Usually watching something on tv or DVD with babies in might start the conversation?

    X
     
  3. FunkyMinky

    FunkyMinky Member

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    Me and my OH have always talked about it from day one really (been together nearly 4 years now) But i think i just kept bringing it up in conversation more and more recently. Then i saw my friends new born recently and i went home and told him how amazing it was to see. Then we discussed from there, we have now decided that we're both ready to start a family so we've stopped BCP and are seeing how it goes :)

    I hope you get the reaction you're looking for from your OH, let us know how it goes xx
     
  4. MackMomma8

    MackMomma8 Well-Known Member

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    HA! I don't really care if the conversation scares my OH, I'll bring up whatever topic I want with him. He's my husband, right? I feel like that means I can ask him to talk to him about anything, and shouldn't be scared to about "what his reaction will be"! But I'm kind of forward like that. ;)

    It's more of an ongoing conversation with us. For me it's a bit easier because we are the only couple in our group of friends without kids. So anytime we go hang out with friends, there's a baby! It's easy to talk about babies when they're around. Do you have any friends with kids? Maybe introducing him to the idea while he's around them won't make it seem so out of the blue.
     
  5. Augie

    Augie Well-Known Member

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    Well, my hubby and I talked very lightly about kids for a long time, way before we were married. But it was also something that was far off into the future. After we got married and I started thinking more seriously about it, I brought it up to him that I wanted a baby sooner than later. What was his reaction? Terror and panic! Anytime any of our friends would bring it up to us "heyyy, so when are YOU guys gonna have a baby?!" he was like "noooo neeeevvvveerrrrrrr!" I just kept bringing it up every once in a while and tried not to bombard him with it. It kinda stressed him out...

    Until one day, when he was ready. He said to me recently "I'm ready to be a daddy!" He is so excited now and now we have a date set...men are weird.
     
  6. odd_socks

    odd_socks Long Term WTT

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    My OH knows that i want kids and it freaks him out but at the end of the day im completely honest with him and we have come to a compromise. I think the best was is to do it gently x
     
  7. Hopingsomeday

    Hopingsomeday Well-Known Member

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    I to my OH that I want a baby. He has always known my love for children from day one . And the fact that I wanted one . But 3 yrs in were still childless which is fine. I now find my stuck in a rut because the topic scares him. Idk if its because before it was crazy to think to have a child with someone you havent been with that long.. but now people are asking and bringing up the topic of children to us.. I just try to get his perspective on what his fears are and why he wants to wait.... I try to stay positive at the fact that he has never said he doesnt want any which would break my heart but the fact he wants to wait.. I asked him if maybe this summer we could think about trying and he laughed. thats always a good sign!
     
  8. porkypig

    porkypig Well-Known Member

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    you can talk about someone you know who has just had a baby (or make it up) and then gently throw it in the convo when he can see himself becoming a daddy just so that youre not coming across as 'desparate'! lol if that doesnt work, then choose another time as just be blunt, im afraid this is what some men need as they don't always get the hint, or don't want to get it! good luck xx
     
  9. buttons1

    buttons1 Mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

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    I think they best way is to just be open and honest. Maybe just start the conversation asking when he feels he might like to start a family and go from there
     
  10. lori

    lori Mom to Simon & Oliver

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    I agree, I was just honest about my feelings and we made a plan together. A friend of mine gave her husband a card on father's day that said "I'm ready when you are". I thought that was kind of cute.
     
  11. swanxxsong

    swanxxsong pregnant w my rainbow!

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    Like Princess said above, my hubby and I have been together since we were 16. Well, he was 17, whatever. xD I'm now 25. So we always had a general idea of how we wanted life to pan out - graduate college, get married, enjoy that a few years then start a family.

    We're coming upon 3 years of marriage in September, and my sister had her first baby in December. Not long after she had him, I knew we were getting hooked, so we sat down and worked out a timeline. I said, "you know, we both would like to start a family in the future, could we figure out a timeline so I can mentally prepare for doctor's appointments, read up, etc?" And he was more than willing. That was about 6 or so months ago, and we'll be TTC in June.

    You know your OH best, but I figured that a gentle, "let's do this together" approach would work best for my hubby. And it did. He was grateful I came to him rather than just offed the pill and told him, "Hi, we're expecting," like a friend of ours did. So we talked it over casually and then formally and now we're both looking forward to the baby-to-hopefully-come-soon. :D

    Best of luck! xo
     
  12. immimx

    immimx Guest

    there are loads of baby related shows around at the mo, watch one with him and then its easier to bring it up as you can just talk about whats on the telly!
    I watched one born every minute with my OH and was surprised by how much he new.. within a few days he bought me a teddy and called it our child lol.
    :)
     
  13. buttons1

    buttons1 Mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

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    Awww that is sweet
     

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