How to handle when others get pregnant?

[DVCGIRL]

Good morning,

I recently suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I've been doing a lot of thinking (about everything) and I have the suspicion that one of my closest girlfriends is going to start trying for a baby in the next few weeks. (She's going on her honeymoon and I'm pretty sure that's when the baby making will start). I am seriously stressing myself out as to how I'm going to react when the day comes that she tells me she's pregnant. She's pretty much my last girlfriend that is like me.....childless. I know I'm supposed to be happy for her when the time comes but I also know I'm going to be feeling immense jealousy, envy, sadness, etc. I'm terrified that I'm going to pull away and lose one of my closest friends. Has anyone else been through this? How have you managed to handle this? I guess I'm looking for advice on how to deal with this situation that I have a feeling I'll be facing very soon. Thank you so much for helping me!

 

[hanni]

My best friend was pregnant when I had my miscarriage 2 years ago. It was so hard! She had a big beautiful bump and we'd always go shopping and she'd buy loads of baby stuff.
I told myself one day she won't be pregnant and I will be and that helped. The same with any pregnant woman you see, they're pregnant now but it's not forever and you'll get your turn.

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[ttc126]

I'm so sorry. I can sympathize with your feelings. I suspect my closest friend is pregnant right now. She isn't telling me because I'm in the middle of my miscarriage still. To me, I think it will be different when it actually happens. Like I can be happy for my friend, but at the same time feel that stab of wanting my baby. Wishing my little one were still here. I'd never ever wish what any if us have gone through on anyone and I'm sure you feel the same. I'm sorry you're put in this shitty position. Sorry any of us are in this awful club.

 

[george83]

My miscarriage was 3 years ago and I still hate hearing that any of my friends are pregnant. Not because I hate them and not even because I want to be pregnant again but because for me my miscarriage ruined the naivety and excitement of simply being pregnant and I'm jealous that I don't have their outlook on things. I know that sounds depressing and possibly inappropriate for you to hear right now but it's the truth. I've had two children since my miscarriage and I didn't enjoy either of them in the same way that I did my first as I was all to aware of how quickly things can change.

I found it was easy for me to pretend to be happy for them and then cry as soon as I leave them. I still cry for my angel when I hear of a new pregnancy.

 

[DVCGIRL]

Thank you for your comments. It helps knowing others are struggling also, helps me remember I'm not alone. I don't wish what I'm going through on anyone but at the same time I'm so sick of feeling like its so easy for everyone else. I'm going to try my hardest to put on a happy face but a lot of times my emotions get the better of me. I really don't understand why some peoples lives appear to be so easy and others appear to be one struggle after another.

 

[theiska]

I just glare at them or break down crying. Probably not the best approach. Lol

 

[OmarsMum]

I avoid them. SIL got pregnant 2 months after my 1st mc & my aunt got pregnant 4 months after my 2nd. Both used to call and talk about their pregnancies and for me it was insensitive.

My aunt is 18 weeks pregnant, she's 40 and has 4 kids, this pregnancy was unplanned and she keeps whining about her health & how tired she is. I don't call her anymore, if she calls it's fine but I try to talk about anything that is not baby related. My son is heart broken as his auntie is pregnant and his cousins are having a new brother but he's not.

 

[Amygdala]

I don't mean to diminish your feelings or say that you shouldn't have them. You feel how you feel. But my experience was and is very different.

I had a mmc 5 years ago and it broke my heart. A month later, my best friend told me she was pregnant and I cried. But nothing but happy tears. Yes, I still wanted desperately to be pregnant again but her pregnancy didn't make that any less likely.
This time, I have four friends who are pregnant while I'm going through another mmc and ttc again. Two of them are really close friends. But I don't feel jealous of them, in just thankful that they're ok. I know no-one who didn't have some heartbreak in their journey to completing their family. In my cycle of friends and acquaintances there have been women with several miscarriages, scary traumatic births, life-threatening pre-eclampsia, a baby lost the day they were born, another as a toddler, open heart surgery at 8 weeks old, meningitis at the same age, infertility, post-natal depression, marriages breaking up... No-one I know had an easy time with no issues at all. So I know it sounds weird but I actually consider myself lucky so far to have "only" had to deal with my two early losses. It's easier for me of course because I also have two healthy children. But I honestly don't know anyone who's life I'd rather swap with, in the grand scheme of things. Everyone's got their challenges and heartaches. And their sunny times. And sunny times are ahead for all of us. Try to focus on that. It's scary now but you'll get there in the end.

 

[DVCGIRL]

Thank you for your stories. I'm trying to look at the positive side. Unfortunately my hubby and I are the only ones in our circle that has not had a child and everyone else has had virtually zero issues. That's a big part of the heartache.