How to help my friend whose Mom just died

[Warby]

One of my best friends just lost her mom. She (the mom) had been unwell for a while but had a stroke a while ago and did not recover.

My friend has two young children, 9 and 6. Her ex-husband is NOT going to step up and realize that he should support his children and their mother. Her dad and sister are also going to be very upset, obviously. I want to offer her as much support as I can. She does have a nanny who can help with looking after the kids especially after school, and some household stuff like laundry.

I am looking for suggestions on how I can support her. We are sending flowers and I am bringing food over later today. I told her how sorry I was to hear of her mother's passing (it was a message as she didn't answer). I don't know a thing about funeral rites in her religion and culture, but if there is some sort of ceremony where it is appropriate for me to attend, I will. I've offered to have her kids here or look after them at her house, or drive them to and from lessons.

What else can I do to support her?

 

[misspriss]

Warby it is so kind of you to look for ways to help her.

I lost my Mom 2 years ago next month. I wish I could tell you things that would have helped me, but I honestly can't think of anything other than what you have offered. I just remember being quite numb about it for a while, going through motions, etc. Offering to help with the kids is probably the biggest thing, she may be kind of down/low energy for a little bit.

As a culture, we don't allow too much for grieving. I got 3 days off work (I took 5) and then expected to go just go on like nothing happened. It's hard.

Did her Mom have anyone else? Was she married? Did she have any other children? Will your friend have to be the one to deal with funeral/memorial arrangements? A lawyer? Probate?

My father is still alive, but he was so distraught I had to pick out all the arrangements for the funeral. Luckily I didn't have to pay for it, but that may be something your friend is having to deal with.

Anyway, just some thoughts. I hope it may help.

 

[seoj]

It sounds like you are doing all you can hun. When my Mom passed- I knew people had the best intentions, but I kept hearing "let me know if there is anything I can do"- and sweet as it was, after a while, it was a bit much. TBH- there was nothing anyone could do- other than just be there to listen when needed. All I wanted to hear was "I'm here. I love you." and then listen when I needed shoulder to cry on... it's hard. It's going to be hard for some time. It get's easier- then harder when life events happen--- but knowing she has a good friend in you means the world I'm sure!