How to respond if people at work ask if you were trying to get pregnant...

[Dark_Star]

When people find out you are pregnant they seem to ask without even thinking "Were you trying?"

I feel like that is a rude question to ask, especially in the workplace where I may be judged for taking time off to start a family.

Yes I was trying to conceive. In Canada we have a full year for maternity leave, and being in my current position for only 9 months I know this won't look good to some of those in the company. I am 35 and have health issues that could prevent me from conceiving and I knew that no ideal time would come.

What do you think about this question?

 

[pinkcatgirl]

I'm tempted to reply, "no, I slipped and fell onto my husband's penis" just to see their face....

Though admittedly I'm just as guilty of doing this, a girl at my baby swimming class had 2 boys within a year and I just couldn't imagine anyone doing that on purpose given how much of a handful my little girl was!!

 

[pandi77]

I think it's an awkward question. Let's play it out...if you answer "no" what possible response could they give that would be welcome? If you say "yes" and they congratulate you it comes across a bit condescending...like oh you didn't screw up lol. Maybe it's just me but I always answered that with "why do you ask?" politely with a smile. That response is no more awkward/personal than the original question imo.

 

[mel28nicole]

I hate this question!! Why does it matter?!? but everyone always asks! My answer always was the "not trying not preventing" answer, which is basically true. But I don't understand why people find it to be their business to know?

 

[Wishing89]

I always answer yes very much so! I got asked that a bit with my first son as I was only 22. He was conceived through ivf so I was like yes very planned thanks and left it at that.

 

[sandilion]

I get asked this - I just tell them the truth, yes he was planned and we're over the moon.

You're entitled to have a child, so don't feel awkward admitting you wanted them. But yes i agree its a very rude question that shouldn't be asked in the first place!

 

[eme]

I second what Mel and Pandi both said.....and YES it IS a rude question!!! Especially for anyone who has had hardships during the TTC period! I would definitely say either, "why do you ask" as nicely as can be asked (which even if it makes your heart race to say, it SHOULD be said....people sometimes need to be reminded of boundaries) or would say, not trying-not preventing. But if you don't like lying and if you really WERE trying hard to get pregnant then that's between you, your husband, and the sheets on your bed (or wherever you did it)

I hate how people think it's okay to ask such intimate questions.

 

[mel28nicole]

I think I'm sensitive about it because with my first pregnancy it was not planned, somehow got pregnant pulling out and I sadly miscarried. My family was like "well you weren't trying anyway so it's better off you lost it." LIKE REALLY?!? It hurt my feelings a lot. Yeah we weren't TRYING but I still lost a baby that I got attached to. And I got pregnant again 3 months later and of course my family wasn't happy about it. I'm 22 and getting married in 6 weeks, get over it!

 

[Meljenn]

I'm tempted to reply, "no, I slipped and fell onto my husband's penis" just to see their face....

Though admittedly I'm just as guilty of doing this, a girl at my baby swimming class had 2 boys within a year and I just couldn't imagine anyone doing that on purpose given how much of a handful my little girl was!!

I hope you don't mind if I steal this response! Lol

 

[ToughhGal]

I'm crazy anyway but my responses, off the top of my head, would be..

If you were (in your case)- heck yes and proud to say it happened

if you weren't- No, but this baby chose me for a reason

just ignore people

 

[Rickles]

It's a rude question.

I always say - I'd prefer we start by talking about your sex life before we get onto mine....

xx

 

[Yazc]

I am expecting this off my boss. She has been known to call women into her office and ask questions like... "I know I'm not supposed to ask but are you considering having any more children?" and say things like "you dont have to let it get in the way of your career!"

 

[Nina83]

That is an incredibly rude question, it's none of their business what goes on in our bedroom!
A lot of people know I've had a few MC so they know this one is planned. But them giving me looks and nudging me all the time isn't any less rude!

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'm tempted to reply, "no, I slipped and fell onto my husband's penis" just to see their face....

Though admittedly I'm just as guilty of doing this, a girl at my baby swimming class had 2 boys within a year and I just couldn't imagine anyone doing that on purpose given how much of a handful my little girl was!!

That's great!! I wish i could be a fly on the wall if anyone uses that line *awkward!*

 

[ashleyg]

I must be the only one to not really be bothered by this question. I just answer honestly. I dont think most people who ask are actually trying to be rude...they're just curious.

 

[MrsPear]

I think it's really rude. I'm a nursing student and when I was 32 weeks pregnant I started a new placement- people were so rude to me! Saying things like, "I take it it wasn't planned" literally the moment they met me. Someone saw me across the changing room (I hadn't ever even seen her before), "Oh my God, tell me you're in you your final year!" When I said no, she was just like, "Jeeeeesus". People were saying all sorts and I didn't even know them from Adam!! I was kind of caught off guard so I didn't say anything but it really upset me, I felt so on show like everyone was thinking I'd made a big mistake that I couldn't get out of or something (and honestly I am not really someone that takes offence easily, but it just made me feel so self conscious and silly like I was an idiot for having a baby).

This time, I'm still a student and I'll be on placement from 4-7 months pregnant. So I'm a bit worried about it again. I'm definitely not a confrontational person who could just tell them how rude I think it is or give a sarcastic reply. I think I'm just going to ask, "Why?" if people ask me whether it was planned or not. Not even in a rude way, just like I'm genuinely curious why they want to know? I think most people will assume it was a 'mistake' again so some idiots will probably ask. But I doubt they'll be able to think of an answer if I ask why they want to know. I dunno I can't really think of the best answer to give, it's making me really anxious.

 

[Louise07]

Well my situation is a little different, hubby and I been together 18 years.
We already have 4 lovely children and after the 4th hubby got a vasectomy.
We realised straight away we had made the wrong decision so when we had the money (4 years later) we got it reversed.

Well I fell pregnant almost a year later, a lot of people knew hubby had the vasectomy but only a very few close people knew about the reversal.
The amount of comments I've had, and trust me there is probably people gossiping behind my back even saying I've had an affair ect ect lol.
It's no ones business but mine and hubby's and who ever I choose to tell.
The people that matter no the truth and that's all I care about.

You tell them what you feel comfortable and want to tell them

 

[Ziggie]

It's a weird one!! I never told anyone we were TTC. I just felt it was private.... The thing is, now people will think I probably only did it to get out of work as work has gone mad! So many people said to me "oh you should have a baby and go on maternity"... I laughed along with it... I didn't expect to actually get a bfp this month so I'm kind of the opposite, I feel like I will be trying to justify it with 'we were trying before all this happened you know, it's not just a reason to get off work' lol!

 

[Dark_Star]

Thank you all for the opinions, I feel better knowing that I am justified in thinking that is a rude comment.

 

[LoveCakes]

I honestly don't understand why people ask this, why does it matter?

My boss asked me even though I'd had to ask for time off for 'gynae investigations' but I think he just didn't know what to say.

I go with why do you ask?

I asked hubby what he says and apparently he told our neighbour when she asked that he finally managed to stick it in the right hole this time thankfully he'd judged it right and she found it funny.