How to stay sane?

[doogloose]

So my husband and I recently decided to start trying for our first baby. I had a copper IUD which I had removed last month, right around my fertile window but I guess we missed it. In spite of knowing there was only a very very small chance I might have gotten pregnant last month, I was still on pins and needles until I got my period. Driving myself crazy with imagined symptoms and worrying "what will it feel like," "will I get sick" and just about as much anxiety and obsessing as you can imagine. Along with worrying about the physical stuff, I found myself worrying about all the other stuff - like can we really do this? Am I ready to be a mom?

Honestly it was really exhausting. I was moody, I was stressed out, it was just overwhelming for me.

I did take a first response test a few days before my period was due (ok, almost a week before), got the negative, and then my period came early. It was definitely a real period too, not just spotting or anything. I actually felt relieved because I had been making myself so nuts about imagined symptoms.

I even had a day or two there where I started wondering if it was worth putting myself through this roller coaster. That didn't last, though - I definitely want to start a family. I'm almost 27, have pretty much felt ready to have kids since I was in my early 20s but my husband wanted to wait until we were in a better place financially and stability wise - good jobs, relationship in a really sound place, all that. And now we're here and it's so exciting to finally be doing this.

Still, I really need to find a way to relax and enjoy this process. I made myself batsh*t insane in those few weeks between getting my IUD out and getting my period. I don't know why I did it to myself - I saw myself doing it and I just couldn't stop the craziness. And it wasn't an enjoyable craziness either. Plus I was obnoxious to be around, just really moody and snapping at my poor husband and getting super irritable for no good reason.

Anyway my period has just ended so I guess we're back on board with the baby dancing My husband has become some sort of a sex machine since we decided to start trying - he says he feels like "it has a job to do" and he seems to want it almost every day. So I guess we're taking a shotgun approach rather than trying to time it for the most likely days (although we will definitely be doing it on those days too). I guess if that ends up not working out, I will try to convince him to save it up? I don't know!

So anyway, any suggestions for how to just RELAX and let this happen without totally psyching myself out this time and making myself nuts? Or is that just part of this process? I am a really anxious person (I have battled with an anxiety disorder for many years in fact, and have only finally gotten it under control in the past few years) - so I'm sure that doesn't help.

Mostly I am afraid of all the changes that will happen in my body, and the symptoms I will feel, because a lot of my anxiety tends to focus around physical feelings, like something is "wrong" inside my body. So having a pregnancy is actually a pretty scary ordeal. Not to mention labor/delivery but I'm trying not to think about that too hard just yet.

I'm trying to focus on the baby that will come at the end of it, and the fact that in spite of being very afraid of pregnancy, I am also intensely curious about what it all feels like and I have always been really excited about experiencing it.

Ideally? I would like to just FORGET I am trying to have a baby, except for maybe those magic moments during sex when things feel so romantic, and the idea of making a baby together makes me feel so close to my hubby. Other than that, I would like to just not think about it, period, until I actually find out for real that I am pregnant. But instead, I seem to be obsessing about it 24/7, to the point where it's hard to focus on anything else.

Anyway, I guess this is my intro to this forum. Hi. Glad I have somewhere to share and talk to others about all this stuff.

 

[Hena]

Hello! I've dealt with anxiety too, it's the worst! It's really hard to tell another person *how* to relax. We all know it's important to increase your chances of getting pregnant though....

I'm trying to use this month to enjoy time with my DH, BD just for fun, and focus on how life will look when we finally have a baby. It's working for me at the moment, maybe it would help you, too?

Good luck!

 

[GeekGrrl]

It's called "baby brain". I have it too! Once I knew we were trying to accomplish a goal, I became obsessed with it. Stressing out only makes it harder because it also makes it less likely to conceive.

I know for me I'm just trying to make more time for myself. Have a cup of tea and read a book, go for a long stroll by yourself, light a candle and take a soak in the tub...etc. Make a mental note to actively do things to help keep your stress level down so that you still feel like you are doing something to make a baby happen even at those times when you can't do much but wait. It's a small way to battle the anxiety and feel like I'm maintaining some control. I hope it works for you too!

 

[Monkey monkey]

Just go nuts and have done I know I have

Loads of luck!! Xx

 

[1liz9]

I am on this site more than I should be.... I too can't help but think about it ALL the time. My DH and I didn't really time our last BFP (which sadly ended early), but just did what you're doing - going at it every day to make sure it "worked."

I have been trying to focus on projects around the home... which is only half working. Maybe try that?

Try to not think about the fear, but focus on the exciting stuff... and have fun while you're trying!!

 

[doogloose]

Thanks to everyone who replied I hope some of your suggestions help. My mom told me that maybe I just need to get the "crazies" out of my system and instead of beating myself up for being a little obsessive right now, I should just let myself be how I am and probably I will tire of it and eventually just settle into the process better.

I guess what's amazing to me is how emotional this process really is, and how much craziness it can stir up in me. I didn't expect it to be so intense, especially this early on. What a crazy journey we must be in for!

 

[2bmommy]

I feel the same way aswell. Im always stressing about the whole body change and labour. And also how expensive a baby can actually be! I think it's normal to feel nervous. I just try and stay focused on the wonderful ending and exciting new future.

Good Luck

 

[Hopefulwishes]

I was obsessed with the idea. I was imagining every symptom possible! I kept making my period late because of it. Eventually after months I kind of just lost hope on it all. I'd tell my self you didn't get pregnant all these months before why would you this month? I know that's not a good way of thinking but that's how I got through "the crazies" & started to become calm & not so stressed about it all.

Recently someone was bothering me about when I was having kids out of pure noseyness they seriously wouldn't leave me alone they needed to know exactly when I was having kids.Why? I don't know they're not very stable but anyways I got very upset about it all. Now I find out they may be possibly pregnant with all the hints they're throwing around.. so now I'm back to an emotional mess. It's all really hard.. you just need to find "your thing" what will calm you or help you through it all. Good luck!