How to stop people from touching my baby?

[SurpriseBub]

Not sure why... But suddenly strangers seem to feel free to come and touch my baby. It makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I am just wondering what people do to cut it off before it happens? It seems to just happen so quickly.

 

[minties]

Yell a loud "fuck off!" as they approach?

Joking aside, that is very rude and I would hate that also. Weird people! Could you try being more assertive? I'm not very assertive so I am not much help.

 

[SurpriseBub]

It has happened a few times now, so I feeI like I am getTing more assertive... It just happens so quickly! It is impossible to tell whether someone is going to touch her until they do, so I did say "please don't touch her" as the hand went on her belly today. Then it was all very awkward and the woman assured me her hands were clean (I am not sure they were!) and proceeded to tell me how it was better for her immune system to be touched (fuming about that now!).

I felt bad as she was offended, but now I just feel really angry. How selfish and rude! My husband said to position myself to block them off- but one lady even grabbed her foot when in the ergo carrier

 

[SurpriseBub]

Yell a loud "fuck off!" as they approach?

Joking aside, that is very rude and I would hate that also. Weird people! Could you try being more assertive? I'm not very assertive so I am not much help.

Also- Thank you for the laugh!

 

[staralfur]

What's the reason that it makes you uncomfortable? I would just be honest and say whatever it is as politely as possible.

I really think people mean well when they touch babies, it's especially common in some cultures, so it never bothered me in the slightest. But if you phrase it nicely I'm sure that, since they likely are just trying to be sweet, they'll have no problem backing off.

 

[SurpriseBub]

The problem is people do it before I can say anything. It makes me uncomfortable on a number of levels- I guess about both feeling protective as well as germs etc. I know people mean well... It just seems wildly inappropriate to me! Especially not to ask beforehand.

 

[lisaalove]

I am the same way. I try for the subtle approach I tend to keep him covered while out and about and say he's sleeping if they try and lift the carseat cover or head cover on the ergo. (It has happened!) It's quite infuriating. I don't mind people I know touching him but I don't just go up and start touching you, I don't know where your hands have been. Very frustrating, I understand that it's how some cultures are but I think it's rude to just go touch someone's child. Just as I wouldn't go and touch someone randomly I don't get why people think that just because it's a baby it makes it suddenly okay.

 

[SoupDragon]

I hate this...and when they take her dummy out of her mouth They wouldn't go up to a toddler and take their teddy away, wouuld they? Ok, I'm trying to wean her off that in the day but if she's got it while we're out it's because I think she needs it!!

I always get really annoyed when people touch her without asking but I never know what to say to stop it happening

 

[Insomniash]

Oh wow, I can't believe some of these stories. People are insane. No one has even attempted to touch my baby in public...must be my resting bitch face lol...but seriously they comment on his cuteness but never attempt to touch him...from the sounds of it I have been lucky so far.

Continue to tell people not to touch and if they decide to tell you some bs about it being good for the baby's immune system...tell them that as the mother you will decide what is and is not good for your baby. I think if they do not accept the initial polite request you are no longer required to be polite.

 

[DCS]

This bugs me. But my DD usually shoots people evil looks as soon as they look at her and I usually respond with , oh she isn't very friendly. Slightly off topic though but we had a party for her first birthday a few weeks ago and my uncle who I rarely see tried to stick piece of cucumber in her mouth he kept trying and trying while she was in her high chair despite her moving her head. She Burst out crying and I felt so bad. I didn't even know what to say. It happened so quick. Same day same guy, kept trying to hand her some money and despite dd turning away he kept shoving this £20 note in her face. Infuriates me when people don't respect both my kids personal space. Neither are huge fans of people in their space. Ds usually just says leave me alone please or can I have some space please.

 

[hanni]

Old ladies are the worst!
I was in the dentist the other day and some woman came over and started holding his hands. I'm a proper germaphobic and an obsessive hand washer and this drives me crazy!

Just touch them instead. Start stroking their face and holding their hands. See how quickly they back off then 😂

No but in all serious I just grit my teeth and then whip the baby wipes out and clean him.

Some old lady let go of her zimmer frame and leaned on his pram instead so she could touch him. I had to hold it up to stop it from tipping and then she started shouting to her friend "Aww look at it! Have yous seen it? Come and look at it!!" That I was furious about.

 

[cjwn]

I would carry a bottle of hand sanitising gel in my pocket and intercept them with it as they try to touch the baby. It sends a very clear message and although you might not be popular, only those who really really want to touch the baby will use the gel, and there will be no germs, although I bet most people would just be like "no thanks" at using the gel and take the hint.

 

[Beanonorder]

The Chinese are one of those cultures that have no respect for personal space and just touch babies as they please. With dd it got bad enough that we actually smacked people's hands away. Because I know they are more inclined to touch here, I assume anyone approaching my ds is going to try touch him so I'm always ready to swat a hand away.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Thanks, ladies I'm sorry that it happens to you, too! My husband did comment on it always being women- and you are right that old ladies are the worst! It just seems so selfish to me: what baby wants a stranger touching them?! I feel rattled as soon as contact is made, so I guess I just need to be curt and say something if someone gets close. It is hard though... I don't want to make my baby afraid of people or weird socially, either!

Clearly I couldn't live in China! sheesh! Good on you for having your swatting hand at the ready!

 

[x__amour]

I have never, ever understood this. I have seen signs that you can put on car seats and strollers that say, "Please wash your hands first" or "I'm new! Please don't touch." stuff like that but it really doesn't help when they're older and sitting say in the shopping cart. I've had people take DS's pacifier out of his mouth on a frequent basis. The shopping cart guy pushing carts decided to hold DS's hands. People have lifted the blankets on their car seats when my LO's were younger. It is just insane.

I was grocery shopping the other day and my DS has started to lift his arms up when he wants to be picked up and he was in the seat and he saw someone and lifted his arms up and the man went to pick him up and pretended it was a joke when I asked WTF he was doing. It may have been just silly or just for fun but my God. Don't touch my children, ever.

 

[AK89]

No way is that a common problem for you!! That's crazy..

It's probably happened a couple of times to us but I'm not that bothered about it to be honest, but I can see why it would bother you. I think it's just a reflex for some people! They don't realise there's boundaries when it comes to other people's babies!!

One day I was sat with my DD on my knee in a cafe, she was about 2-3 months old.. And this old lady came over and sat next to me and took her right out of my arms and started cooing over her and asking me how old she is etc. It all happened so fast, and I just thought "at some point it's gonna click who it is so just go along with it or I'll seem rude for not recognising her"! Especially 'cause I was in the cafe I used to work in so it could have been a regular maybe...? I don't know what I was thinking, it just all happened so fast, I was baffled! Before I knew it she was back in my arms and the woman was being beckoned back over to her table by her two friends! It was mad haha... When I told my OH he was furious!

 

[rwhite]

I find having my baby in a carrier helps a lot People aren't as inclined to touch when baby is on you, strangely enough

 

[SoupDragon]

I find having my baby in a carrier helps a lot People aren't as inclined to touch when baby is on you, strangely enough

now I think of it, this is so true! No-one has ever tried to touch DD in her sling. I'd imagine it's because they'd be invading your personal space, not 'just' the baby's?

 

[LoveCakes]

I find having my baby in a carrier helps a lot People aren't as inclined to touch when baby is on you, strangely enough

now I think of it, this is so true! No-one has ever tried to touch DD in her sling. I'd imagine it's because they'd be invading your personal space, not 'just' the baby's?

Especially when they're tiny as they are basically looking at your cleavage or putting their hands near areas you aren't supposed to touch.

My LO reaches out to people now which doesn't help. For the next one I'm tempted to say "careful she bites!"

 

[Rachel89]

Honestly, when they're newborns I'd rather them not touch at all for obvious reasons. Newborns to me are much more fragile etc. So I would down right move out of the way and say 'Please don't touch my newborn baby'. If my baby were to be older I'd try another method like passing the hand sanitizer. I still would rather tell them outright not to touch, as you never know you can find someone to by-pass what you are saying/trying to do and just touch your child anyways.


Thankfully with DS it wasn't an issue as he himself would hit them if they would touch him or start to cry if they tried. (he never liked to be touched much/refined or cuddled lol)