How to tell my 3 year old her dad isn’t going to be around anymore?

[tripleccc]

He was arrested late June and has been in jail since, awaiting a court date for sentencing. It is expected that he will get 15-20 years in prison. We have been separated for two years and we were splitting 50/50. Now I have her full time, but I allow her to stay at his mother’s 1-2 days a week for their relationship’s sake. My daughter didn’t mention him or ask initially, just recently she asked when she will see her daddy and why he doesn’t come to “Nanny’s” anymore (his mom). I’m confused on what to say and don’t want to say the wrong thing and make her think he will be back soon. Any suggestions, please?

 

[DobbyForever]

I’m not a child psychologist, but I’ve spent a fair amount of time talking to my son’s pediatrician and psychologist and googling this. He just turned three and is nonverbal. There seems to be a consensus that honest but short is appropriate. She doesn’t need details. Just the truth and then reassurance that the other people in her life aren’t going anywhere. But def less is more. My son doesn’t communicate socially yet, so this isn’t an issue for me. His dad was abusive and doesn’t come around. I have a restraining order. Just think about what follow up questions (lots of why) May come up and be prepared with the answer. I’ll be honest that I don’t respect my ex enough to refer to him as a dad because he made the choice not to be one. I’d talk to his mom so you both are on the same page about the info she is getting though.

 

[DobbyForever]

https://tgn.anu.edu.au/wp-content/u...ing-your-child-when-a-parent-is-in-jail_0.pdf

I thought this was particularly informative. There is a section in there about telling children with some example phrasing. Best of luck

 

[Babybump87]

I totally agree less is more ! Kids don’t need to know the ins and outs the just need short facts. Then as she gets older she might start asking more questions .

I think its good for her and you that you are still allowing her to stay at his mums house, to still have this routine in her life and to re iterate that no one else will be going anywhere.

As for how you start this conversation with her I think that’s more of a hard one . I’d probably wait until she asks about him . Dobby has posted an excellent pdf . I think the language used is perfect for little one .” Daddy has broken the law and has to go to jail for a while” it’s short and to the point. Kids have no concept of time , she will ask about him now and again but you may find she stops asking too.

I wish you the best of luck x