How were your NICU nurses, honestly?

[sunnylove]

I feel like I'm in the minority when I say that I wasn't crazy about our NICU nurses. Though I did love the nurse practitioners and the doctors were great, too. I feel like every NICU parent dotes on their nurses like they were sent from heaven and I did not have that kind of experience.

To start with, my son NEVER had a primary nurse. He filtered through nurse after nurse after nurse. He'd have a nurse I LOVED for a day or two and then I wouldn't see her for 4 weeks. And let me tell you, if you get a nurse that you don't like, it just makes the whole experience so much worse.

There was this one older NICU nurse that I could not stand. She would cough around my son, drop things on the ground and put them back in his incubator without sanitizing them, and she was just clumsy. She was rude too. When LO was first put in NICU I didn't change his diaper for a couple weeks (I don't know why, I just didn't). One day she asked me if I wanted to change him and I told her no, she could just do it. She barked at me, "Do you not know how to change a diaper?? It's not that hard. The reason you're here is so you can learn how to do things like this." Then step-by-step she "showed" me how to change a diaper and then told me "It's not that hard." I was appalled. To start with, I have changed possibly hundreds of diapers. And secondly, I AM NOT HERE SO I CAN LEARN HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER. I'm here because my son is in the freaking NICU you old hag!!!!!!

There was another nurse that I swear I almost slapped. She was so strict about LO's feeding and she would flip her lid if he was like 1 minute past the time he was supposed to eat. At first, if LO didn't wake up for a feeding, they would tube feed him. And she would NOT wait. She wouldn't even give him a chance. If it was time to eat and he wasn't awake, boom, tube fed. Once I was trying to get him to wake up so I could breastfeed him, and she said she was going to get the tube. I told her "No, I am going to try to breastfeed him." She said "It's past the time he needs to eat" (it was literally 5 minutes after) and I said, "It'll be fine." She left and came back 2 minutes later with the tube. I was so mad I almost smacked her. And she pulled that multiple times.

Those are just two examples, I have SO many more. I requested to not get certain nurses, and I also talked with the NICU manager about the issues I felt our NICU had. (Like having a random float nurse taking care of my son and thinking his monitor was wonky every time he desatted. Once an actual NICU nurse got him next shift, she had to put him back on oxygen because the float nurse had NO idea what she was doing!!!)

Do you ladies have any stories like this?

 

[Lucy529]

I've only been in the NICU with my son for a few days but there are nurses that make you feel useless or like your not doing something right there's been just a few nurses that have been great and made me feel good or at least ok but some really get to me and make me cry

 

[Jes.shortcake]

We had a couple NICU nurses we didn't care for. One seemed to always have an attitude..and of course us NICU parents are not in the mood for the attitude. When we got switched to the Progressive nursery we had another one we didn't like. She acted like we didn't know what we were doing. This one incident really ticked me off. I had come earlier in the day before shift change but some days my husband couldn't make it there until late and sometimes he couldn't stay long because he was working 2 full time jobs and going to school. But even it was just for a few minutes, or even if it was late my husband made sure to at least see his face everyday. Anyway..the 2nd night we saw her it was late and we didn't stay long because he had to get up for work at 4 am. On the way out she stopped us and was asking if we've ever changed him, gave him a bath, temp, etc. We were like..yeah..ever since they let us. He had been in the NICU about 9 weeks at this point. And she was saying how she was just concerned about us not doing those things and when it's time for him to be discharged we wouldn't be ready. Just because you work Tuesday nights and that happens to be my husbands busiest day so you don't see us long on your shift, doesn't mean we don't come in whenever possible and do his hands on care. In fact I know it was in his file that "parents are very involved in care". She treated us like a couple of dumb teenagers.

 

[Lucy529]

Jes I try to be there for most of his cares now that am discharged I'll def spend more time there my hubby can't come bc we live over an hour away and he had to go back to work, but your right there's one nurse that really makes me feel as tho I'm in her way when I'm doing his cares which bothers me bc I am new at this but heck at least I'm trying. But there's one that made a comment about how some women spend all their time there, it made me feel bad bc I didn't get to see him right away I saw him almost 24 hrs after birth and I feel like I missed out on things but def want to make up for it, I ignored her comment tho I cried to my hubby about it

 

[MommyGrim]

We had one nurse who was EXTREMELY insistent that I leave. I mean, there were others who showed GENUINE concern for my well-being (telling me to go and get some sleep or go eat something) but she just said that I needed to go and rest because "I'd miss having someone take care of them for me." Sorry, but I'd rather have them up all night, every night screaming both of their heads off at home than even ONE more night in the NICU with someone else taking care of them.

There was another who was generally really nice but one of the days she started to chastise me for touching my son! She actually scolded me for touching him because 'he's a preemie and if I touch him too much he's going to get overstimulated and he'll not eat" etc. He was sound asleep and not moving an inch! If he would have started to stir AT ALL I would have stepped back! I was having a horrible day and I needed some comfort and I got scolded for it. Luckily, the next few times she was there we didn't have any more problems so I think she was just having a bad day. (Obviously that doesn't excuse the behavior since having your child in the NICU is hard enough, but having one of the people taking care of them be rude to you makes it that much worse.)

 

[Lucy529]

I wish they would all get on the same page there's some like yesterday she was there helping me but allowing me to do most of his care on my own she got his bottle ready and I feed while she went on about her day
She would just come by and ask if I was ok or needed anything, really liked her. The guy that came for the night shift was nice too
But then there's one that as soon as he's done feeding she says ok lets out him back I hate it bc he loves to cuddle and I'm there so why not especially when I'm told I can hold for as long as I want yeah I know he does need rest I do too which I do as well but holding him for a few minutes after his bottle won't hurt him.

 

[MummyMana]

We weren't in the nicu very long and most the staff were lovely but one woman was so rude! Imogen had problems feeding, one of the main reasons we were in hospital. This woman comes in, looks at the feeding chart and says "you can feed her more than that you know". I say "I know, she won't take anymore though" she replies with "have you tried burping her?" Seriously. I may have not slept for a week, been living off icecream and going mad, but I'm not that stupid! What does she take me for? I can remember burping my dollies when I was 4.

 

[Srrme]

My husband and I did not like many of the Nurses our 28.6 weeker had. We even requested a couple of them not tend to him anymore. On numerous occasions they would leave trash in his incubator (sharp pieces of plastic, paper, etc.). A few of them were far too rough with him, and one even got MAD at him because she couldn't properly put his nasal cannula back in because he was moving a bit (he was only about 2 weeks old and still TINY).

When he was discharged, I noticed a band-aid on his back that was covering a scar. The scar was HUGE, and he probably got it from one of the pieces of plastic left in his incubator! He is 3 now and the scar is still big enough to see.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

But then there's one that as soon as he's done feeding she says ok lets out him back I hate it bc he loves to cuddle and I'm there so why not especially when I'm told I can hold for as long as I want yeah I know he does need rest I do too which I do as well but holding him for a few minutes after his bottle won't hurt him.

We had a similar incident with the nurse with attitude. Silas has reflux so we were told to hold him up right for a while after a feeding. One night after I finished giving him his bottle the nurse immediately came over and said we had to put him back. My husband told her no...and they went back and forth for a minute. She finally got mad and stormed off. We were going to request that she not be assigned to our son anymore. But the next day he was transferred to the Progressive nursery.


I also had some nurses make me feel bad when I stopped pumping. I pumped every day, every 3 hours for 8 weeks. And I just couldn't build up my supply. Then it got to the point where I couldn't produce anything! Some of the nurses were nice and helpful with their tips. And believe me..I tried everything. My body just wouldn't do it and me and my husband decided I would stop when I returned to work. Some nurses were understanding bc they saw me struggling to produce milk but a couple made me feel guilty about it. As if I didnt feel guilty enough having my body give up on me when I got HELLP Syndrome and had to deliver him early, and then feeling guilty that I couldn't produce the milk he needed bc I know breast milk is best...so I didn't appreciate the lectures about how much he'd benefit from my breast milk. I already know that..hence why I felt so much guilt..

 

[Lucy529]

Jes yes some make you feel crappy I hate it when you finally get one you like they're switched

I had thought I wouldn't be able to bf and kept being told how much he needed it which I already knew but turns out I can I hope I make enough for him bc I know it's best

 

[AP]

There was one in particular who horrified me once when I asked her "Who's looking after Alex today"
"Hold on,I'll go check" She said
And then returned 10 mins later saying "oh, its me"

The others were amazing and went above the call of duty

 

[3xscharmer]

We don't have a primary either, some of ours are nice, others get a little snarky. I have one triplet who was a really slow eater, but he picks up around the 30 minute mark and they wouldn't let him finish because apparently past the 30 minute mark they start to lose calories sucking, she wasn't nice about it so I just reached into their open cribs, pulled out the pacifier and asked her why they let them suck on a pacifier...needless to say, she didn't have an answer. I found that I liked the men better though, they were a little more tough love, the women wouldn't let me feed my A baby because he was always sleeping, so they'd just shove it down a tube, the men would just tell me to get him out and Baby would wake up, he was right, after that I pushed for bottle feedings and within 2 days he was taking all his feeds per bottle! Also one time I got jumped all over by a major b*tch for looking at my babies charts, apparently if I want their information, I have to request it from medical records, she could have been nicer about it though.

 

[kit10grl]

We got a few like that about the records in paediatrics. The hospital we were in NICU kept the records at the bedside so the parents could read them at leisure. But the one nearer home keep them at the nurses station. The first time I went along and asked for her file I was met with horrified suspicious looks and lots of whys? Erm because shes my baby and i want to know whats happening. I came across several times when nurses have out and out lied to me about things (a medicine being given when I specifically asked them to wait) based on reading her file. I always ask for it now.

The doctor always seems to magically need it five minutes after I take it tho.

Once we were first moved out of nicu to the local hospital the first night baby got there before we did as we had to drive and she was transferred via ambulance. I walked in and she was crying so I picked her straight up the nurse about had a fit and said oh you shouldn't do that. I told them the nurses in the specialist hospital have been teliing me I can pick her up whenever I want for the last three weeks. There are no new machines on her right now so why would it be different here? She did not look happy that I challenged her. They were apparently worried I might 'damage' the stents. Lol then I told them I had been helping suction the stents for the past two weeks, they were very surprised as its not something they deal with often so even some of the nurses looking after her had never suctioned stents before. (I actually stopped a few nurses and did it myself when they were doing it crap and hurting her lol

 

[sunnylove]

There was one in particular who horrified me once when I asked her "Who's looking after Alex today"
"Hold on,I'll go check" She said
And then returned 10 mins later saying "oh, its me"

The others were amazing and went above the call of duty

That same thing happened to us once!! I had called NICU in the morning a few hours after shift change and asked to speak to my son's nurse. She said "Okay, let me go find out who has him." Then she came back a bit later and said "I guess I have him today." WHAT. WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR THE LAST 3 HOURS?!?!

 

[Shhco23]

Hi I'm TTC and I also am a nurse working on a NICU. I would just like to say that I'm really sad and horrified that you guys had bad experiences. The place where I work is generally lovely and we always let mums and dads hold their babies for as long as they want (if the baby is stable) and we will always hold a feed for the parents if they want to do it or try breast feeding or bottle feeding, as long as it's not a really long time after the feed because then it can throw all the other feeds out of sync for the day. I have to say the thing about them losing calories after 30 minutes is a new one, it's more likely to just make them late for feeds. I quite often offer the parents to feed their babies, we tend to say try to do cares to wake them up a bit. Also with nappy changes I always ask if the parents want to do them or if they want me to, I never mind doing it. I only persuade parents to do it if it's obvious that they are avoiding it often it's because they haven't been able to touch their baby for weeks so I stay with them to offer support. I also can't believe they left rubbish in the incubator. The only thing I would say is that I do agree with the notes, even tho it is your baby it's normally hospital policy to not let people read them. You can't even read your own notes without applying for them. I'm not sure why it's something to do with confidentiality however it doesn't make sense to me if they are yours or your babies, the only reason I agree is that if a nurse lets you read them they could get into serious trouble.

I'm sorry you had bad experiences. Most nicu nurses are great Nd friendly, some are grumpy. It might be that it's incredibly stressful working on nicu or maybe they are just miserable

 

[4 boys]

Hi Shhco23.

I would just like to say a big thank you

I don't know you personally or which area you are from but I think you do an amazing job and even though you have not met me or looked after my babies I think your gifted to look after and care for poorly babies and as a NICU nurse.

I have had 4 premature babies 34weeks- 28weeks- 26weeks -36weeks (I had cervical stitch to keep him in as I went into early labour at 17+7 otherwise he wouldn't be here)

I have been through hell and back with all my babies it's not been easy and most of my nicu nurses were brilliant most of them remember me from my first baby so for them to look after my other 3 was a gift

You nurses have such a stressful but gifted job and even though some days you don't feel appreciated I tell you now you are!!
There's good and bad days in nicu and I've experienced it all but when you have a good bond with a nurse it helps us parents..

Keep up the good work and once again on behalf of the mums you look after your work love and care is appreciated

Thankyou

 

[4 boys]

I had good and bad experiences with nurses most of the 'oldies' are like family they have looked after all 4 of my prem babies..

When you have same nurses for a few days it's really stress free cos you know what's going on but then you get one that takes over and you feel scared cos they not had your baby before!!

My worst experience was with my 26 weeker he was a very ill baby he went through so many difficulties and operations. When I went into early labour I got checked to see how dilated I was and cos I was defiantly in labour and he was so early they offered me a drug to inject into him to stop his heart beat and end his life!!

There I was on a bed in early labour pain with my husband and they wanted to end a life we were distraught

Then when he was a couple of weeks old a nicu nurse overdosed him on midazolum(sedation medicine). We were furious the consultants informed us about this and boy did I flip...
Very upsetting there's other things but them two are my worse..

I know and understand how expensive it is to care for a premature baby but ending a life when I got so far was a joke and the nurse that overdosed him still is allowed to work she even had my son a couple of days after she did it but I put a stop to that straight away but then after that I hated leaving him there cos for all I know she could have had him at night when I wasn't there!!!

The nurses that were good were brilliant fantastic words can't describe but then we never know what goes on when were no there especially with the nurses that don't seem to care.

It's very emotional ,scary,stressful,happy,sad,funny,depressing etc different parents react in different ways but if you get good nurses make the most of them don't let her go

Sorry for long post..

 

[Shhco23]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Heartbreaking. I really hope that you were cared for by someone lovely. I would be angry with the drug error that's really bad.

Hope you and your little ones are happy and healthy now

 

[4 boys]

My 28weeker is now 9 yr old and my 26 weeker is 3 1/2 yr old.
They both have had very difficult starts in life but are doing ok at the moment still many follow up appointments but I'm grateful they are here

I hope a mum doesn't have to experience medication problems or a nurse that can cause harm to a baby unfortunately I did but I've had to move on and just appreciate the good work that kept them alive

Keep up your good work and support thank you

 

[Shhco23]

Where I work drug errors are taken really seriously. If we make them it's hospital policy to not be allowed to give drugs until we take a drug test and we are made to a maths test every year. We double check everything. I'm so terrified I triple check all my drugs.

My friend had a 25 weeker and he was so poorly. He needs regular check ups but he is a happy and healthy, he's 7 years old now, he does have a slight squint but other than that you would never ever know he was a preemie. Also my cousin was born at 24 weeks 19 years ago. He is now 6ft 7 and is a massive rugby player. He was a poorly kid but now he is healthy and happy and has kids of his own. I just thought you might like to know that