Hows your relatioship after loss?

[chirizma]

okay second try here..
I would say he is grieving. Men are odd creatures in grieve in ways that are strange.
I dont know the dinamics of your realtionship or anything so it makes it hard to give advice..all I can really say is how I would deal with it if it were me. which can be difficult becasuse Im a very blunt spoken person when it comes to this kind of thing.

so if it were me, I would sit him down and TELL him how he is behaving. Making it obviously plain just exactly the manner he is using. I would switch the tables on him, using the imgine if it were me doing this to you, tatic, and asking him how he would feel if I were treating him that way. Then I would explain that is is unacceptable and he needs to chose how we are going to deal with it all. the choices being, to continue dealing wtih it seperately for the most part and tearing each other up on bad days, which is going to cause unmistakable damage to our realtionship, which maynot be fixable. or are we going to get thru this together and let the loss of our child bring us closer together and make us stronger as a couple. I would let him know I prefer the second option, but that he is making it impossible so now he needs to make a concious choice. Because this tearing each other up in times of grief is no good for either of us.

Thats what I would do, but like I said above Im a blunt person when it comes to things. I totaly understand if its not something you would do.

 

[katie21188]

Hey girls, just thought I'd introduce myself, I am 22 years old and just recently 2 months ago lost both my twin daughters at 22 weeks. I went into premature labour and they couldn't stop it so I had to give birth to them
Firstly I know how use feel, I have been digging more with my DH more than I ever use to, it makes ms really upset but then we seem to forget about it shortly after, but at the time it really does hurt.
We're going to start to ttc next month also hopefully we all get out bfp's soon

 

[yoyojojo]

my DH was as (if not more) upset as me. We have been TTC since the MC.
I am wondering if I ever manage to conceive again if I could get away with not telling him I was pg for the first few months.

 

[mummy.love]

katie21188, my heart goes out to you, i'm so so sorry for your losses.
this time is so hard for many of us going through the same thing... it's grieving the loss of a baby, and i know that i constantly go over everything that happened in my head from the hospital to the birth and afterwards. if i hear alarms go off in hospital i feel weird goosebumps as though i'm reliving that day all over again. of course there is always more than one thing and speaking for me and my hubby, we'll ever get over this and move on, but learn to cope with the pain rather than allow it to ruin ourselves.

all the best for next month, hope you get a

 

[katie21188]

Thankyou mummy.love xoxo

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Sorry for the late reply :/ Hope your ok - how was your weekend?
Ahh bless, it's horrible isn't it? When you've had so much you could really not care, and just give up. Yet it's soo annoying when they still strive for more arguements. Bless, it's so hard I didn't believe my bfp lol I was in soo much shock!
Haha we we began trying in January, n got our bfp in March So two months too!!
Bless, I'm sure it'll come soon enough. Did you kind of take it for granted that you'd get pregnant sooner? When is AF next due? x x x

 

[stephanie1990]

i had a nice weekend tbh, me and my oh attempted another heart and heart and we have been so much better this weekend to the point where we feel alot closer again, lets see how long this lasts lol

how was your weekend?

tbh, i had an operation when i was 16 where i had my right ovary and fallopian tube took away so i never even thought that i could get pregnant so when it only took 2 months i was in utter shock. i really did take it for granted, did you??

my af is due on the 16th october i wish she doesnt turn up, my periods are just about getting back to normal since the loss in march lets pray af doesnt show up for the both of us!!!

xxx

 

[xxxjessxxx]

aww im glad you had a lovely heart to heart and things are better I do hope it stays that way
Meh my weekend was ok. Me and OH had a lovely hearty talk Friday. We we're fine Saturday but come Sunday, we had a huuuuuge arguement. We we're incredibly close to splitting up, and I was really close to giving up to be honest. He was very mean too.
We we're arguing, I was in absolute tears, couldn't stop. And he suddenly went on facebook?!?!? Said that I could wait. I went to walk out and said that if i did that to him he wouldn't take that, but he blackmailed me saying if i walked out that we we're over
After that, he ended up crying and saying sorry. Now we're back to being all ok :/ I give up.
Oh dear, sorry to hear about your operation hunny That must of been fabulous to see that bfp so sooon then!!
Well before my first bfp, i thought it would never happen!! But after the miscarriages I've taken it all to for granted and thought I'd be pregnant again and all flowing well :/
Aww I do so hope it doesn't either
So should you be ovulating 2nd October? PLanning to do anything different this month? x x x

 

[stephanie1990]

oh sweetie im sorry you had a bad time

men suck!!

it was only last weekend that me and my oth had a big fallout over something so stupid. i started to cry and he just laughed, got up and went on his pc. it was like 9am in the morning and he didnt come off it till like 5pm.

its nice when you have the heart to hearts but then the next day, its like it never happened.

i do hate the stupid arguments, when me and my oh argue now, iv learnt to walk away in the next room or tbh iv run myself a bath to calm down. and iv got to say, being a little distant with him, makes him come to me first and say sorry.

it was great to see that BFP, bless my one little ovary lol

ye my predicted ov is 2nd october. i use the persona contriceptive monitor, where each moring i take the test, place it into the device and then it gives me a red or green day, red day for being poss fertile, green for free to make love. i use the device for ttc, it worked the first time round and it tells you when you should be ovulating, so i use that and then this month iv brought some clearblue digital ovulation tests, im gunna start them on day 10 and wait to see if the ovulation on the clearblue is the same as on the persona.

i do my temping as well

howw about you?

xxx

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Urgh, it's comforting knowing you've been through similar, although it isn't good either.
Exactly!!! I said, when we started arguing 'I knew it wouldn't take long before we we're back at it with the arguements'. Why cn they just not keep it simple?!?!!
Haha, bless - 2nd October is mine and OH's anniversary good date
Ahh bless, you do a lot! I reckon it won't be long before that gets to that eggy
Erm, I haven't done anything :/
OH said next month coming we'll pick it up and try hard, but he's said that a few times now :/
So are you looking forward to your OH coming back from work tonight? x x x

 

[stephanie1990]

i hope you have a good anniversary!!!!

its a good day for both of us then

ye i do feel like i do alot but then when the wicked af turns up, its more depressing tbh sometimes i feel like doing nothing cause i do think charting all the time can stress you out.

my oh always says when af comes that next month we will try harder, i think he has said that since we have been trying!

my oh has been off work since sunday, hes not back at work till wednesday, hes on the sofa atm, hes been there since 9am lol.

he keeps asking whats for tea, men lol.

how about you? i do miss my oh alot when hes at work even if we argue

xxx

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Ahh fx'd for both of us!!!
Hah bless, they always tend to say, the month you give up is the month you get a bfp... life lol!
Lol yours does that too?? It annoys me lol, I just had to go tescos to get food for tonight lol. You have to do food for him every night then? Doing anything fancy tonight?
Yeah, even if I can't stand the site of him, my heart aches for him. Why is life sooo confusing??!? x x x

 

[stephanie1990]

lets hope so!!!

this month, me and my oh are being more relaxed with the whole ttc, lets hope it does the truck

omg i had to run to tesco this afternoon to get tea stuff too lol, my oh wouldnt have a clue where to get bread etc, men

well atm hes currently in the kitchen making tea, i have no idea what he is doing but i still think that im in shock cus hes in the kitchen!! , i dont think hes ever been there before lol

ye i do tea most nights but i do try to make him do tea when hes off work

same here, when we are arguing, i cant stand him. i hate him, yet i can never walk away because i love him too much. life is soooooo confusing!!!

xxx

 

[AEM1803]

My OH and I have had lots of trouble since our loss in Feb..
He used to be very understanding and had such a good temper- He was always there for me and never started fights.. but after our loss.. everything changed-
we argue more then ever about NOTHING! he is very short tempered with me and is rude. Its hard to see him like this because as long as ive known him he was never like that.. but everything changed

 

[katie21188]

AEM1803 - I know how you feel, my OH is exactly the same, we tend to fight a lot more now since our loss hopefully when I get pregnant again it might stop a bit haha

Aw I just got a phone call to go and pick up our angels hand and foot prints at the crematorium, I had to take them there yesterday for them to scan them onto our plaque we are getting made for them
I will be glad when their plaque is made and their ashes are put in, it will be a place I can go and sit and talk to them

 

[katie21188]

AEM1803 - I know how you feel, my OH is exactly the same, we tend to fight a lot more now since our loss hopefully when I get pregnant again it might stop a bit haha

Aw I just got a phone call to go and pick up our angels hand and foot prints at the crematorium, I had to take them there yesterday for them to scan them onto our plaque we are getting made for them
I will be glad when their plaque is made and their ashes are put in, it will be a place I can go and sit and talk to them

 

[lovebug30]

We lost our baby in Feb n it consumed me...I was so into my grief that I didn't realize he was in as much pain as I was...we had a little rough patch were we werent communicating very well...all I can tell you is that when we both opened up n really listened to one another Thatz when things got better n now we are closer than ever we talk a lot even if it might upset us...communicating is the key...tell him how he is making you feel...he might be like me n be so consummed in his grief he can't see yours..it's not easy going through what we been through n It takes a toll....I hope u n your partner can get past this.

 

[GD29]

Men must feel so helpless at times . We were ok after a chemical. But that was early on and it happened before the time had even sunk in that I was pregnant. Luckily we are both pretty good at handling tough situations and just went along the lines of it wasn't ment to be. It made us stronger in a way.
Sounds like they have serious issues with the miscarriages. Do they honestly think it has changed your relationships beyond all mending other than another pregnancy? Arguing with you over and over is going to make your chances of concieving again less because of the stress and pressure so they need to lay off a little and realise its not all about them.

Sorry, but its true good luck all of you

 

[xxxjessxxx]

lets hope so!!!

this month, me and my oh are being more relaxed with the whole ttc, lets hope it does the truck

omg i had to run to tesco this afternoon to get tea stuff too lol, my oh wouldnt have a clue where to get bread etc, men

well atm hes currently in the kitchen making tea, i have no idea what he is doing but i still think that im in shock cus hes in the kitchen!! , i dont think hes ever been there before lol

ye i do tea most nights but i do try to make him do tea when hes off work

same here, when we are arguing, i cant stand him. i hate him, yet i can never walk away because i love him too much. life is soooooo confusing!!!

xxx

Ahhh bless, I really do hope it's good luck for you hunny. Try not to stress, tell him if he really wants another baby stop stressing you out! It can delay ovulation and everything
Hahaha bless, it sounds sweet he's making the effort lol! You mean tea as in food? I call it that too OH laughs at me because supposingly it's called dinner at that time! For me it goes breakfast, dinner then tea, not breakfast lunch then dinner lol
What was food like in the end? Nice?
Yes, I've said I'll know when I've had enough, but so far I still have to carry on.
When is he next off? Do you two have anything good planned? x x x

 

[stephanie1990]

aw thanks , i do hope this month, the de-stressing pays off

ye i meant tea, i say breakfast, dinner and tea too lol

well i think the food turned out to be a ready meal in the end lol, i think my oh doesnt know what an oven is, but hes knows the microwave very well lol

well he isnt off work now until xmas, and over xmas he works really long hours, he will go out in the morning at 6 and be back for 9 or half 9, which really does suck

nothing good planned, even though its really sunny, oh wants to stay in, even though im always in the house

do you find yourself really bored all the time while your oh is at work??? x x x