HPT Today**RANT**

Mendy

Mom to Tati n Braden <3
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Well ladies, I tested this morning and I could've sworn this was a good month for me, I was so positive....only to find a :bfn:

I don't know how I feel....mad, sad, upset, I want to scream and wish i didn't give a f*ck about not being able to get pregnant...why is it that life is so unfair??? Why is it that women who don't want to have babies and don't deserve to have them get pregnant so easily?:cry:

There's still a part of me that has a little bit of hope because AF is not due until Sat...but I don't want to feel even worse than I do now if it comes, so I'm trying to not think that there's still a chance.

DH text me at work today and said he feels terrible because all of this is his fault, due to his low count. I told him I don't blame him, he's not at fault for something his body does... or doesn't do...so I guess my RE was right...we are going to have to end up doing in vitro...

Sorry for the rant...I work with a bunch of guys so I can't exactly tell them what's going on, and you all know what I'm going through...
 
Mendy so sorry to hear that is wasn't the month for you. Lots of :hugs:
 
:hugs:

thinking of you sweetheart. It's hard and heartbreaking.
 
BIG HUGS! :hugs: I am so sorry, Honey. I really hope your next step works well for you and I know exactly how you feel about people and their undeserving :bfp:'s. :hugs:

PM me if you ever want to chat.
 
I'm sure I'll get over it in the next few days and be ready to start the next cycle...after all, that's what we do each and every month, right?
 
I'm so sorry to hear that Mendy!! There is still a chance though!! I know what you mean. I am 13 dpiui today and got BFN 9-13 dpiui. Go for bloodwork tomorrow to make sure. I was feeling pretty positive this month too until I got all these dam* :bfn:"s!

I feel you. It is so unfair. That's all I dream of and and it just hasn't happened for some reason. The worst for me is that everything shows DH and I both normal so it's unexplained.

Try to hang in there. It is a very bad day for me to :cry:

--Lesley
 
I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Life really sucks sometimes!!
:hug::hug:
 
I know exactly how you feel. It's tough, being up in the air about everything.

The biggest ever tease? The day I was going to Spain (I went on 6th July) I got a hysterically positive OPK. I knew for a fact I was not ovulating. I was on CD28. I did not know when/if I ovulated but it is not uncommon for me to have quite short cycles sometimes (eg, around 30 days).

I thought about it for awhile. I thought "OMG this could be it. I could be 10dpo today. This could be my positive!"

Then I went to Spain. And I didn't take any cheapies with me. And, I waited. And, I waited. And, I didn't get AF. CD 32. 33. CD35. CD 40. Still nothing.

I thought "God, these cramps might be related to those positive OPKs. I might be pregnant. This might be the perfect month to me."

The day before I fly home? I'm lying on the beach. I am in pure agony. I am dying of pain. I get back to the hotel and what do I see?

The same pink spotting I get before every AF.

The positive OPK when I was not ovulating gave me hope. I spent my entire holiday thinking "maybe, maybe, maybe," and then, just before I come home the witch arrives.

Sometimes, I wonder if we do it to ourselves. If we wind ourselves up.

i wonder if we get ourselves into that whole circle of false hope and end up hurting ourselves because of it.

And, it sucks.

*hug*
 
Sorry to hear that you don't think this cycle is a positive :hugs:

I still have everything crossed for you that HPT was wrong...its not over until the witch is here but I know how much it hurts to hold onto hope.

Are you going to try for IUI again or go straight to IVF?
 
I know exactly how you feel. It's tough, being up in the air about everything.

The biggest ever tease? The day I was going to Spain (I went on 6th July) I got a hysterically positive OPK. I knew for a fact I was not ovulating. I was on CD28. I did not know when/if I ovulated but it is not uncommon for me to have quite short cycles sometimes (eg, around 30 days).

I thought about it for awhile. I thought "OMG this could be it. I could be 10dpo today. This could be my positive!"

Then I went to Spain. And I didn't take any cheapies with me. And, I waited. And, I waited. And, I didn't get AF. CD 32. 33. CD35. CD 40. Still nothing.

I thought "God, these cramps might be related to those positive OPKs. I might be pregnant. This might be the perfect month to me."

The day before I fly home? I'm lying on the beach. I am in pure agony. I am dying of pain. I get back to the hotel and what do I see?

The same pink spotting I get before every AF.

The positive OPK when I was not ovulating gave me hope. I spent my entire holiday thinking "maybe, maybe, maybe," and then, just before I come home the witch arrives.

Sometimes, I wonder if we do it to ourselves. If we wind ourselves up.

i wonder if we get ourselves into that whole circle of false hope and end up hurting ourselves because of it.

And, it sucks.

*hug*

I know what you mean CurlySue...I was so good about not testing early and waiting and being positive and noting all the "symptoms".... I think we really do it to ourselves like you said and that makes it worse. Thanks for sharing your story and best of luck to you!
:hug:
 
Sorry to hear that you don't think this cycle is a positive :hugs:

I still have everything crossed for you that HPT was wrong...its not over until the witch is here but I know how much it hurts to hold onto hope.

Are you going to try for IUI again or go straight to IVF?

Thanks so much FJL!!!

Well, the RE said at my first IUI that we would be better off going straight into IVF because our chances of conceiving with DH's count and pretty much non-existent. He said if we wanted though, he would do up to 4 IUI's. I want to do all four because I am HOPING a miracle will happen, it's less invasive, everything is being paid for through my insurance, and I want to feel like I did all I could before moving to in vitro.

Also if we do in vitro we are looking of a cost beginning at $17,0000 US dollars. We really don't have that kind of money, and we are trying to save up if we do have to do this in the end....

I have hope that it will happen, I just get so frustrated because I wish I were pregnant already.... :(
 
I can totally understand why you want to do the other 2 IUI's because sadly, money does play a big part in the cruel and unfair journey :(

Will your insurance cover any of the IVF costs if you have to go there? I've said it before, but man, I am so glad to live in Australia. Here, an IVF cycle (not including FS appointments, prior tests or down regging drugs) is around $8-9,000 and even though you must pay all of that upfront, after the cycle (fail or success) you get $4-5k of that back from the governments healthcare scheme which you pay no extra for. Private health insurance covers even more.

So if you do have to take that route, it might be worth having it done in a different country which I know sounds so more daunting, but financially it might be better. My clinic has lots of overseas patients. I'm sure they wouldn't get the government payout, but even with flights and accomodation, $9000 is much cheaper than $17,000.

Something to think about, but I hope it doesn't come to that for you xx
 
I'm sorry your treatment hasn't worked. Like you said, we all seem to be capable of being depressed for a couple of days and then getting up and dusting ourselves off to start all over again. Sending you a cyber :hugs: to let you know I'm thinking of you.

x
 
I can totally understand why you want to do the other 2 IUI's because sadly, money does play a big part in the cruel and unfair journey :(

Will your insurance cover any of the IVF costs if you have to go there? I've said it before, but man, I am so glad to live in Australia. Here, an IVF cycle (not including FS appointments, prior tests or down regging drugs) is around $8-9,000 and even though you must pay all of that upfront, after the cycle (fail or success) you get $4-5k of that back from the governments healthcare scheme which you pay no extra for. Private health insurance covers even more.

So if you do have to take that route, it might be worth having it done in a different country which I know sounds so more daunting, but financially it might be better. My clinic has lots of overseas patients. I'm sure they wouldn't get the government payout, but even with flights and accomodation, $9000 is much cheaper than $17,000.

Something to think about, but I hope it doesn't come to that for you xx


You know, that does sound like a good way to go.

Well, here's the deal with me, I am in the navy, and they cover everything, and if I were to need IVF, I have to pay $4,500 and that will include medication and everything. The problem is, the wait is 2 years, and I get out in a year and 2 months. I can extend and stay in, but that means I have to go to a ship, and it's hard to have appointments when you are going out to sea so much. If I decide to do it on my own, I have to pay the full price because I am choosing to do it. They don't cover anything.

If I decide to do this on my own, there's a program where if IVF doesn't work they give you the money back....WTF? I want a BABY not the money. LOL!

But thanks for the info, I will certainly consider it if it comes to that. :)
 

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