Husband has cold feet

[sweetcheeks78]

Let me start this thread by saying that, after baby #1, I was fairly sure I didn't want any more. However, as time's gone on I really, really do. DS is 4 now and I really want another and have done for the last 2 years. When I first mentioned it to to DH, he was dead against it. I told him I would be happy to wait until DS1 was starting school, and he agreed that wouldn't be so bad. So, end of last year I said to him so are we going to do this, and he said yes. Hurrah, so I get my mirena out last week. DH has been quite short-tempered and quiet, I confronted him last night and asked if it was about trying for #2 and he said yes. Now, I know he doesn't want a baby as much as I do, and if I said I had changed my mind he'd be relieved, but all he seems to be thinking on are the negatives, how much harder life will be etc. I have not pressured him into this, not given him and ultimatum or any such thing. So why do I feel like I am totally alone in wanting this?

 

[Ambermichelle]

Maybe you could write him a letter explaining how important it is to you? When I was with my OH and I was really passionate about something, writing a letter really helped convey my point and that way he could read it alone and have time to comprehend everything. Just a thought I do hope he changes his mind and you guys get your 2nd baby! Good luck to yo

 

[BeachyFeelin]

Maybe you could write him a letter explaining how important it is to you? When I was with my OH and I was really passionate about something, writing a letter really helped convey my point and that way he could read it alone and have time to comprehend everything. Just a thought I do hope he changes his mind and you guys get your 2nd baby! Good luck to yo

That's a REALLY good idea...I would go with that. I know I get my feelings out much better when I write them down. This way he doesn't feel on the spot and can really take some time to hear you out and think about his fears and why he feels that way now.

 

[sweetcheeks78]

Thank you both. I guess what I'm struggling with is that he hasn't said no, I just want him to want it as much as I do!

 

[Ariannda]

Im with you on this one. My DH has no kids and wants one more than anything. Over the past 2 years (and let me state we found a hidden problem, but that was still 18months in) hes more and more into a state of "maybe it's just me and this is my sign i shouldn't have children". IMO maybe he should be less high school girl and realize that both my tubes were blocked, pregnancy was physically impossible ! We found the problem, fixed it and now he's all wishy washy . I admit it was easier 2 years ago, but why am i on pills, and exams and new Drs ?
Because it's what HE wants and im totally on board ! So when i say "we're all in right ?" all i want is a "yep !". Whiny brat =/

Oh a tangent, sorry. I agree with the letter idea. I emailed my DH and came to find out his real problem was about money. So we were then able to discuss the situation and come to some agreements (for us we moved closer to his work, into a duplex which cut our rent in half from the lease to purchase farm we were on) to make him feel better about the situation. Also my DH is so NOT confrontational, so it was easier for him to email as well.

While you can't make him WANT it as much as you do maybe there's some other issue that just isn't being brought to light currently. Im sure you wouldn't get pregnant knowing he truly didn't want another baby, so it's super important for both of you to be on the same page

 

[ajksand]

I completely understand what u are going through. I had a mc in aug and we started trying again right away but wasn't happening so dr put me back on clomid and right when I was ovulating the first round my dh couldn't perform bc anxiety (he would b so upset with me for sharing that), long story short we talked about it and I told him my reasoning for trying so soon & that if he didn't want another baby he needed to tell me because I would need time to sort through my feeling about not getting to have another child. Turns out he was just worried about going through another loss. I pointed out that we r not promised tomorrow & that we just have to work through our fears together, so we are now united on this ttc journey.