Husband indifferent about pregnancy

[lilmisscaviar]

Sorry, ladies. I need to vent and I thought this would be the place I'd get the most support.

I know that this is our fourth baby so this isn't our first walk in the park but I can't seem to get over my husband's indifference to this pregnancy. With my first two babies, whenever I would cry out because of an ache or pain, he'd ask me if I was ok. When I told him the baby was moving, he'd want to feel it. He was never an emotional guy and never cried during their births (although this probably makes him a good birthing partner because he wouldn't upset me during the birth I do tend to envy the guys that do show emotions during such a transitional time) but he was genuinely excited to see them. He told me numerous times that he couldn't wait to see their faces.

This time and last time when I'd complain about something hurting me, he'd just ignore me. During my last daughter's birth he acted bored and hardly helped me with the baby while we were in the hospital. He was practically sleeping during the ultrasounds with this one. We're planning on going on a trip next week - his choice, not mine - and I tried talking him out of it because I don't know if I'll be able to ride 6 hours in a car without swelling up, also my morning sickness still isn't quite gone yet. His reaction? "Oh just take a tablet." (referring to the tablets my doctor prescribed me for nausea)

I know I probably seem like I'm being a whiny hormonal brat but I'm so tired of his indifference to this pregnancy.

 

[Lullabye]

I'd be upset, too. You must feel so alone! What do you think his issue is?

 

[blablamana]

I would be pretty hurt as well so I totally get where you are coming from. Is it possible that he is overwhelmed? It is your fourth baby after all and (like me lol) pretty close after your last one. Have you tried talking to him?

 

[lindsayms05]

I feel your pain on this one! This is our third pregnancy, with our second one even ending at 12w, and my husband has been pretty hands off since we passed our 12 week mark. I get biweekly ultrasounds due to IC and he has missed the last three and will even miss our big anatomy scan at 20 weeks because of work. We both work and I understand sometimes it is impossible to slip away but his work is literally 2 minutes from the hospital so he could have slipped out for an hour to go with me. He still seems excited and is working on painting our guest furniture for our 3 year old to move into that room, but he isn't really connected with this baby like he has been with the other two. He's really stressed at work and I think maybe he's also a little scared and trying to keep from getting too attached because of the "what if's". No matter what it is, it still hurts my feelings.

I'm a high school teacher and one of my previous students who graduated two years ago has ended up on the same two week appointment schedule as me because his girlfriend is having twins and it tugs at my heartstrings a little bit to see both of them sitting there waiting for her appointment and here I am, 34, married, and no husband in sight. *sigh*

 

[luz]

My husband is the same way, but he's always been that way. When I tell him I'm in pain he just says, "take a Tylenol then" It's our 4th baby as well. I think its hard for men to really get excited because they don't have the constant reminder that there's a baby there (movement, pain, etc.). Try not to let it offend you. Maybe instead of waiting for him to act excited, you can say things like, "oh! the baby is moving. do you want to feel?"