Husband Problems

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by excited4baby, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. excited4baby

    excited4baby New Member

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    Hi all, Im new to here and been ttc now since end of October, came of the pill and was surprised to see periods are pretty normal 30 day cycle!
    Probblem I am having is my husband. We met 5 years ago and he has had this problem on and off for 5 years. To be honest most of the time when we try to do it he either cant come or cant stay hard. Its not worried me too much in the past as I just thought, well it dosent really matter and I love him, but now I want a baby with him its really frustrating. Im trying to calculate my peak flows each month to see when is a good time to try, but even when we do, the same thing happens. I have now gone completely off sex as I know what will always happen, he tends to joke it off when it does.
    Im so frustrated and upset, a few ppl know that we are trying and everyone must think its me with the problem. Since marrying 6 mths ago i think he has only come once or twice!
    He did mention it to the Dr who said perhaps it could be stress related and he should do things to de stress. He dosent think he is stressed but also hasnt done antyhing. I am so upset! What should I do?
     
  2. DragonMummy

    DragonMummy Well-Known Member

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    Firstly why would anyone think there is a problem? You've only been ttc for 2 months! And it's none of their bloody business! Everyone knew we were starting to try 8 months ago and I couldn't give a toss what they think frankly! And secondly, don't you think you could be putting a bit too much pressure on your DH? I know he jokes but that's just what guys DO when theyre mortified. Why dont you talk to him and see about seeing your GP? But at the moment your whole attitude is "It's my husband's fault that I'm not pregnant" - and that's not really supportive or helpful for either of you!
     
  3. stephwiggy

    stephwiggy Well-Known Member

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    I think stress can be a factor but i would revisit the doc and say its affecting ttc ?


    Jusr re read and 2 months of ttc - i would definatly try and chill out a bit....
     
  4. BellaBlu

    BellaBlu Lovin' my boys :)

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    I imagine that is quite frustrating, and rarely when my DH has problems staying hard it is usually stress related or he has something on his mind. What really helps us is a change of position. It's a different feeling and tends to keep them hard because it's more exciting. Even though it's obviously fun for us "baby making" is running through our minds,.. where as men tend to still think of the pleasure bit :D I found a "no fail" way that usually helps.. When you're doing the bedroom*boom, lay on your side and have him enter from behind. I guess it's a "whole different feeling"... If it's nothing like that and he just absolutely can not stay hard, I would have him go back to the doctor, or a different doctor.. and tell him that you are TTC and what the problem is. The doc may be able to help.. Best wishes darling, And *babydust* of course.. :hugs:
     
  5. MommyMichele

    MommyMichele Mom to 2 girls and 4 boys

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    You might want to try "Not Trying, Not Preventing"

    It's not as stressful, and he can come to you when he's ready. Even if he doesn't finish, you still need to reassure him that it's ok and you love him. If he has issues staying aroused, just take your time, it's not a race. If he's been like this off and on for 5 years, he may need a physical, not just a gab with his Dr. Men don't like to discuss erectile dysfunction with anyone much like we don't like to discuss infertility with anyone.

    Try a mini vacation! It helped us conceive our second baby and we weren't tracking any fertile times at that point. It was kinda like a second honeymoon to us.

    I'll admit my DH does have issues with finishing now and then but stress is a key factor in it. Sleep deprivation too!

    I wish you the best of luck hun.
     
  6. Lexi_Love305

    Lexi_Love305 Well-Known Member

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    I know the pressure to "finish" can be a bit much on guys, especially when ttc. I would have your husband talk to the MD again since this has been happening for 5 years. Most docs tend to brush off things like this when people are young, so another serious talk might be in order. Even if it is just stress related, the MD should be able to come up with something to help.
     
  7. Lolalonia

    Lolalonia Well-Known Member

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    In my opinion, You need to focus on the SEX(the hotness,the excitement,etc) and not the TTC thingy because it affects your husband mood. I'm sure that Your husband loves you, it's just a matter of him feeling more pressure on his side. TALK&communicate is the key and veryy crucial, because you yourself won't make a baby, he's involved here. Ask him what he thinks about babies because you need to know where he's at. Just get thru to him first.. Good luck!
     
  8. elmaxie

    elmaxie Mummy to Nathan & Hannah.

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    My hubby had problems coming when I first met him but it was down to the fact he was so stressed out wondering if I was enjoying what he was doing. In the end it took months of me erm:blush:finding out what he enjoyed via other routes ie hands/mouth and getting him to relax.

    He has also had the occasional non hard moment but has said that the sensations had gone or again other stresses going on around him.

    I say you should just get all sexified up and have a hot night of passion together...as ttc is so stressful and some times sex seems to just be about ttc and something only doen when we are fertile.

    Good Luck!

    Emma.xx
     
  9. CatesMom

    CatesMom Mom to 1, working on #2

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    While stress likely is the culprit (and ttc stress is especially difficult), the doctor might have some helpful ideas. Erectile disfunction, whether from stress or other causes, is treatable, from a mega dose of Vitamin D to Cialis tablets.
     
  10. mommy2baby2

    mommy2baby2 Pregnant with #4

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    So he's only like this when you are trying for a baby or he's like this off and on just because?

    In the first case, don't tell him it's time...maybe he's just nervous.

    If he's like that off and on no matter what, it sounds like erectile dysfunction which is more common than one might think. There are pills he can take for ED. Lots of men experience this and just as many are embarrassed or ashamed...have him talk to his doctor. The pills CAN help.

    OR...and I'm not trying to make you upset or anything but I'm just throwing this out there. Maybe he has a masturbation/porn thing and is so used to being pleasured via Palmela Handerson (or however) that normal male/female touch isn't the same anymore (just watched a show about situations like this). Seems odd that he doesn't cum very often with you and can't stay hard...yet men typically always have sex on the brain.

    Or even more out there (but you never know), he's gay.

    You should talk to him. Sounds like ED to me!
     
  11. babythinkpink

    babythinkpink Mum to 5!

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    You really need to talk to him!

    I agree the doctor can help, and a visit is far overdue, to me wanting to get your sex life on track would be priority and then baby making, and i am sure it will happen once things are sorted out.

    It doesnt have to be a problem :hugs:

    Good luck x
     
  12. ornahayes

    ornahayes Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun,

    My other half and I had the same problem. We had been together for three years and in all that time we had never actually made love - we'd done everything (in reason of course lol!) and satisfied each other that way. My other half had real problems with staying hard when it came to the crucial point of entering me - sex was then over. During the whole time I never really pushed him into it and like you thought, it doesn't matter we love each other and enjoy what we do....until he raised the idea of starting a family. I knew it was now I needed to try and get him to open up to me.

    I believe and still believe that something may have happened with an ex that caused him to get stressed out (a 40yr old virgin type accidentally kicking her in the face lol or such thing). His answer was always "I don't know". I tried the softly talking approach, I got upset, in the end getting cross pushed him into making a doctors appointment. We knew is wasn't physiological as he could manage perfectly fine on his own (if you know what I mean lol).

    He went to the docs (alone - I did offer but understood that maybe he needed to do this by himself). Our doc put him in touch with relate and he made an appointment for an initial assessment. I don't know what happened, but two hours before he was due to go, he pounced on me and we made love for the first time. He did go to the appointment, but in the nights that followed we made love with no further problems and he didn't attend any more sessions.

    To this day I don't know why we had problems in the start and I don't think I ever will. We do laugh and joke about it now though.

    Only you know your OH well enough to know the best way of approaching the subject, but definitely talk to him. If he won't talk to you, maybe a close friend, a doc or a councillor is the way forward?

    Sorry for all my rambling, but you're not alone. Good luck hunni and never give up hope!
    :dust: to you! A merry Christmas x
     
  13. mrshuse8pound

    mrshuse8pound Well-Known Member

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    I agree 150% with this post here!!!!

    Every point that you need to consider is here.

    I wouldn't say that you're pressuring him because you said in 6 months he's only "finished" twice, yet you've only been TTC for 2 months. See that math doesn't add up, it can't be the "pressure" of TTC at all.

    The only oher option I would suggest is he may also be depressed. Depression also cause sexual issues, in both male and females.

    I read some of the other comments, and again I'm going to come out and say it. Some of the responses were, IMO a little catty.

    It doesn't matter if you have been TTC for 2 months or 28 months (like myself) we are ALL in this together and it's a frustrating one no matter what. Then throwing in other issues like life, finances or infertility are heavy hitters for anyone to deal with on top of the unstoppable, undeniable want and need to be a mother.

    Hope it works out!
     

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