husband said i abused ds

[special_kala]

Thats really unfair. You deserve a break!

Ive banned the ps3 on when the girls are up. Just take the cable to bed with you.

 

[nullaby]

Ugh!!! The first few months were like this for me too..hubby never got up when i would get 3-4 a night. My husband did let me sleep in on his days off thank goodness. But he would also put the baby down to play Xbox...but has now learned that that doesn't work with 2 kids who want to play with daddy hahaha.

I don't think you were abusive at all!! We all get tired, i know myself and my husband have asked what's wrong, why can't you sleep??? If your not screaming, shaking,hurting your baby, your just letting out steam..running on no to little sleep is so hard and your husband luckily has the privilege of not knowing how hard it is.

 

[Lilly12]

If THAT is abuse, then what is me telling my DD to PLEASE go the fuck to sleep?

 

[v2007]

No you didn't abuse your son, however it sounds like your OH is abusing you.

V xxx

 

[krissy1984]

Thanks guys, well he is not apologising for what he said, I'm just letting Kellan spend time with him today as he doesn't get much time with him. I have asked him about helping in the night and he says he won't as 'our son doesn't like him..' When he takes LO, LO cries as hes not used to his dad comforting him, which I'm trying to change, as god forbid if something happens to me then he will need to know how to look after him, and at the moment he won't

It would just be nice if he would help and not say hurtful things xx

 

[Joda]

I woulda told him to eff off! I say things like that to our LG, or if we're going shopping or somewhere I'll say be a good girl and mummy will buy you something pretty!
Not like a 10 week old, or 11 month old for that matter, understands it!

 

[keeks1987]

Tell him to shut up. If he was awake and listening and felt it was so awful, why didn't he bother getting up to help you? If that's all you said then of course you didn't abuse him!

This, exactly! If what you said counts as abuse, then just about every sleep deprived parent who asked their child to pleeeeeeese go to sleep is an abuser....ridiculous! I'm sure your OH is a good guy, but on this count, he's being an idiot!

This xx

 

[doggy121]

Heck no. That is NOT abuse and calling it abuse is really an insult to anyone that has been abused. I think you need to have a stern word withyour husband.

Babies can be very trying, especially during the night when the whole world seems to be asleep and you are being kept awake against your will. Of course it's what we sign up for when we become parents but that doesn't make those times any easy. I've asked Fin in frustration before "WHAT DO YOU BLOODY WANT?" when he just wouldn;t stop crying no matter what I tried. OF course I don't mean that and I love him more than life itself... but in stressful situations we often say stressful things and it does not affect our parenting abilities at or or is a slight on how capably and loving we are.

Do NOT feel bad. I forbid it.

You are a WONDERFUL Mummy, you should be proud of yourself xxx

What a lovely reply to this ladies plight!!!! we should all read this and take heed....well done for your well chosen words!!

 

[leahsbabybump]

quite a few pp have said what i was going to say
take no flamin notice of him thats all ill add i even play around with my month old saying whats up baby why wont you sleep i dnt see a problem in that at all its not like were screaming our heads of at um lol

 

[Cattia]

If he really thought you were abusing his son then lying there in bed and letting you do it hardly says a lot for his parenting. It sounds like maybe he has some bonding issues and needs to spend more time with LO. maybe they could go out somewhere where the x box is out of reach? In our house we have no TV and no computers whilethe kids are awake. You sound like you are doing an amazing job all on your own.

 

[charlotte-xo]

thats not abuse at all hun, ive said muuuuch worse to alfie out of sheer frustration. were only human i too have a frequent night waker (not so bad now) but a couple of weeks back when hed sit playing at 2 in the morning and cry because he was so tired i got so angry to the point of swearing, i felt awful for it but in no way did i abuse him.

you are a brill mummy to your little boy im sure so take no notice of what your OH says also please tell him to help a little if it happens again its not fair for you to do everything

 

[vitriolic_vix]

I agree with what another of the ladies said - it sounds like a bit of a bonding issue. My husband was exactly the same and thought because i didn't work that i didn't have a job.. it was soooo frustrating. He would come home from work and refuse to take her for even 5 minutes.. because he needed to relax after a stressful day. It was such hard going. It all changed last week when i had to leave her with him for 2 days and one night to go to a coroners inquest for my sister in law and didn't feel it right to take her. His initial reaction when I told him he was doing it was (horrified) 'i'm not looking after her all day'. Well when i get back she had been up every hour in the night and he looked exhausted and the house was a mess. Man did I get some apologies! And he has been better ever since! So perhaps he just needs the opportunity to see what its really nice for himself???

Your a great mummy whatever he says or might think! He sounds like a pig!

 

[Murphy98]

Your husband is a jackass. You were frustrated - it happens...and he just sat there listening to you be frustrated without getting off his lazy entitled butt to help.

Please feel free to print this off and show it to him.

He deserved a kick in the pants for being a useless waste of space last night and you deserve an apology and a long nap.

 

[whit.]

Thank you all, you've made me feel so much better.

I breastfeed but Kellan didn't want that last night he wanted to play and got upset when I put him in his cot to do it (he has an activity play thing on the side of his cot), also when he awakes now mostly he just wants a cuddle and then sleeps.

I don't mind being the only one to wake during the night during the week as he works but at weekends he doesn't and I always let him lie in, despite him never allowing me too.

I did ask him why if he thought I was abusing him did he not turn around and say I'm awake and I'll take him, and he didn't answer me, just kept saying I was abusive. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours sleep in a row and I try to make him understand but I think because I don't work monday to friday he thinks I don't have a job. Being a mummy is a full time job, and I try explaining that to him but he doesn't really get it. The bad thing is I can't leave him alone with Kellan as I would come back to find Kellan playing with his toys on his own while he plays the Xbox, he loves that bloody machine

Thank you all, it means a lot and Kitty you nearly made me cry, in a good way, thank you xx

Are we married to the same man?!?!?!

 

[taloolah]

Im guilty of shouting in the night and then feeling guilty and giving lots of cuddles after, doesnt make you a bad mum, just human... its really tough and a big shock to the system. I know I would never of ever hurt libby in those tough tough nights

 

[brunette&bubs]

That doesn't sound abusive at all.
I've yelled at James when he was a newborn saying "WHY WONT YOU GO TO SLEEP??? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???"

I think its normal! You are human

and your husband....well, he is just a dumbass

 

[krissy1984]

I agree with the bonding issue, he and LO aren't close really, Kellan laughs so much with him, but when he is upset or tired he will never go to him!

I do need to leave them alone for the day so that he can see what I do, I just don't think he could handle it

I've told him the Xbox needs to stay off when he's awake as he and Kellan need that time! Failing that I'm hiding the controllers and gonna say sorry Kellan was playing with them and must've miss placed them!

Thank you all so much

xx

 

[Cattia]

I agree with the bonding issue, he and LO aren't close really, Kellan laughs so much with him, but when he is upset or tired he will never go to him!

I do need to leave them alone for the day so that he can see what I do, I just don't think he could handle it

I've told him the Xbox needs to stay off when he's awake as he and Kellan need that time! Failing that I'm hiding the controllers and gonna say sorry Kellan was playing with them and must've miss placed them!

Thank you all so much

xx

My DH has always done his but, but when I went back to work after having my daughter my DH took over two days a week of childcare. I never thought he'd manage because he had just never shown any real initiative with looking after her and I was so worried how he would cope, but after the initial shock, he loved it and he and my daughter are so close now. Sometimes they need to be made to step up and they can surprise us!

 

[Kelly81]

Having a few cross words with LO is DEFINATELY not abuse! I've siad plenty of harsh things to Poppy in the middle of the night, she's normally pretty good and only wakes once but sometimes isn't really interested in going back to sleep even at 4am, this morning at 4.30 I laid her on the floor with some toys and told her to 'bloody get on with it if you think it's clever to wake up this early' while I laid on the sofa she looked at me like I was mad

OH works nights and I find I resent getting up less if he's not there, it's like having someone sleeping in the house when I can't makes being awake seem ten times worse.

 

[LaLaBelle]

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