husband said i abused ds

[krissy1984]

Well as the title says i usually get woken by ds 4-5 times a night and dh has never once got up to help.

last night he was up from 1-3.30 and would not sleep and i admit i asked him why he wouldn't sleep and told him to go to sleep and also if he didn't sleep i would let him play in his cot till he feels asleep. i did say it a few times as i was so frustrated as dh never once offered to help

this morning he said to me he'd never herd abuse like it and i was being so horrible and so abusive

I would never hurt ire abuse ny son he is my life, now my dh is talking to me as if he said nothing and i don't wanna talk to him after all this.

Did i abuse my son?

 

[clairealfie]

Nope but it's wife abuse!

 

[rwhite]

If that's all you said to your son then I think your DH is overreacting terribly and being a bit of a meanie.. Nothing wrong with asking your son why he won't sleep and asking him to... I'm sure all of us mothers have done the same thing, often, if our babies aren't sleeping - or at least wondered it.

Don't worry about it, it's a non-issue as far as I'm concerned

 

[Emmy1987]

Of course you haven't! Jeez we all get frustrated sometimes. If he's that concerned why doesn't HE get up with LO so you don't 'abuse' him?!

xx

 

[kerrie24]

Tell your husband he can do it tonight,rather than you abusing him!

 

[Windmills]

Tell him to shut up. If he was awake and listening and felt it was so awful, why didn't he bother getting up to help you? If that's all you said then of course you didn't abuse him!

 

[KittyVentura]

Heck no. That is NOT abuse and calling it abuse is really an insult to anyone that has been abused. I think you need to have a stern word withyour husband.

Babies can be very trying, especially during the night when the whole world seems to be asleep and you are being kept awake against your will. Of course it's what we sign up for when we become parents but that doesn't make those times any easy. I've asked Fin in frustration before "WHAT DO YOU BLOODY WANT?" when he just wouldn;t stop crying no matter what I tried. OF course I don't mean that and I love him more than life itself... but in stressful situations we often say stressful things and it does not affect our parenting abilities at or or is a slight on how capably and loving we are.

Do NOT feel bad. I forbid it.

You are a WONDERFUL Mummy, you should be proud of yourself xxx

 

[buddyIV]

Tell him to shut up. If he was awake and listening and felt it was so awful, why didn't he bother getting up to help you? If that's all you said then of course you didn't abuse him!

This, exactly! If what you said counts as abuse, then just about every sleep deprived parent who asked their child to pleeeeeeese go to sleep is an abuser....ridiculous! I'm sure your OH is a good guy, but on this count, he's being an idiot!

 

[SackBoy]

It's not abuse but he really should help you if he truly thinks it is. In fact he should help regardless.

 

[KatieB]

He needs to get off his arse and help out a bit more in the night, that's such an awful thing to say to you. A mummy that gets up on average 4-5 times per night to see to her baby for the last 11 months is a fab mummy x

 

[Rockell8788]

Must have been something in the air. Ds was awake last night from 1:45-4 at 3:30 I was exhausted not to mention my eye is swollen shut at the moment due to an infection so I said to ds oh will you just go to sleep iv had enough now and walked out the room (to get some pain killers.) Dh came out and said there was no need for that!!!
So I told him to feck off and deal with ds then as it's like being slapped in the face being awake every night whilst he's Laying there snoring.

 

[michelle82]

Think ur dh been hearing things!! I've said a lot worse, sleep deprivation pushes u to the limit!!

Tell him to get his a*** out of bed 4-5 times a night and see how calm and collected he is!! xx

 

[georgebaby1]

Omg no u sound like ur doing a great job x

 

[Surreal]

Easy for him to say, when he's not pushing the limits on exhaustion.

Frustration is hardly abusive, and I've cussed more then a couple times at LO for late night wake ups. Your just tired, and it's your way of letting off steam from being tired.

Let him have a go of it, and see what he thibks of it!

 

[pinkie77]

Has your oh never said anything in the heat of the mOment, like in a row? Same thing in my book but for a different reason. You've not done anything wrong

And I'll join the 'oh for gods sake go to sleep' club, done it plenty myself xx

 

[minties]

If that's abuse then send me to prison! I've said much worse things to Thomas in the past when he was little and didn't sleep.

You've done nothing wrong at all!

 

[KittenKat]

Heck no. That is NOT abuse and calling it abuse is really an insult to anyone that has been abused. I think you need to have a stern word withyour husband.

Babies can be very trying, especially during the night when the whole world seems to be asleep and you are being kept awake against your will. Of course it's what we sign up for when we become parents but that doesn't make those times any easy. I've asked Fin in frustration before "WHAT DO YOU BLOODY WANT?" when he just wouldn;t stop crying no matter what I tried. OF course I don't mean that and I love him more than life itself... but in stressful situations we often say stressful things and it does not affect our parenting abilities at or or is a slight on how capably and loving we are.

Do NOT feel bad. I forbid it.

You are a WONDERFUL Mummy, you should be proud of yourself xxx

I'm definately with Kitty on this, you should not feel bad. I've gotten frustrated before with mine to the point of sticking my head under the covers and pillow, pleading with anyone that will listen to make them go to sleep.

 

[special_kala]

Of course not. If he was awake why the fluff didn he get his ass out bed and help. Selfish git!

I breastfeed so oh cant help at night and ive got stressed before and said oh for gods sake go to sleep please. The tiredness gets to everyone at some point

 

[krissy1984]

Thank you all, you've made me feel so much better.

I breastfeed but Kellan didn't want that last night he wanted to play and got upset when I put him in his cot to do it (he has an activity play thing on the side of his cot), also when he awakes now mostly he just wants a cuddle and then sleeps.

I don't mind being the only one to wake during the night during the week as he works but at weekends he doesn't and I always let him lie in, despite him never allowing me too.

I did ask him why if he thought I was abusing him did he not turn around and say I'm awake and I'll take him, and he didn't answer me, just kept saying I was abusive. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours sleep in a row and I try to make him understand but I think because I don't work monday to friday he thinks I don't have a job. Being a mummy is a full time job, and I try explaining that to him but he doesn't really get it. The bad thing is I can't leave him alone with Kellan as I would come back to find Kellan playing with his toys on his own while he plays the Xbox, he loves that bloody machine

Thank you all, it means a lot and Kitty you nearly made me cry, in a good way, thank you xx

 

[bigbetty]

Oh hun your husband is being an arse!

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with just leaving LO if he is just laid happily in his cot - he would soon let you know if he needed you.

I used to go to Fran everytime she stirred and sometimes I would be up for 1-2hrs at a time, but now I only go to her if she is distressed or crying. 9 times out of 10 she just fusses for a couple of minutes and goes back to sleep by herself. If she doesn't then I just go and pop her dummy in then walk back out again - giving her as little contact as possible so she doesn't think it's time to wake up and play.

Tell your husband that if he isn't happy with how you are handling things then he can simply do them himself. Next time LO wakes in the night, don't get up - and when he asks if you are going to LO, say "No, I don't want to abuse him so you can go this time!"