Husband told 2.5 year old that, "...you could die."

[Jchihuahua]

I once told Daisy when she was 3 that it was very dangerous to put small things in her mouth as she could choke. She pushed me and pushed me to explain what I meant so I went further and told her she could stop breathing and maybe even die. A little while later I caught her taking a small toy off Tommy, saying' I am taking it off him or he will turn red'. I asked her what she meant and she said 'Die. Like you dye your hair red. He will eat it and will turn red.'. She had no concept of death or what I meant at all and I realised then that she was far too young for what I had said. Now at 5 she understands perfectly though and knows what death is and why things can be dangerous.

 

[minties]

We keep praying mantids as pets so the kids are pretty clued up on death from watching them eat other insects. I don't know if Sophie gets it so much, but Thomas has sone since about 3.

 

[Zephram]

I was also going to add that once upon a time children wouldn't have been so removed from death, as they likely would have seen daisy the cow slaughtered for Sunday dinner. In the modern era we'd rather pretend it's something that didn't happen, when it fact it is a natural consequence of being alive.

Obviously toddlers don't grasp death in it's entirety until they're older, but it's certainly not something I think we should avoid talking about with them.

 

[MommyJogger]

It didn't even occur to me until Minties mentioned the manti (mantises?), but we also have chickens and I don't separate the kids from the processing of them by any more than is required by hygiene. But I don't think we've ever specifically had a conversation about them dying--we've always distinguished that they were killed, so he might not connect the two...

 

[staralfur]

It wouldn't bother me, personally. We just had a pet die a couple of days ago and were very clear about what happened, explained to her what it means that he's dead, etc. I know lots of parents choose to shield their kids from that for a while but it just doesn't seem productive to me.

I don't think it would occur to me personally to tell my LO that she might die, but it wouldn't really strike me as inappropriate if my DH said it.

 

[sheldonsmommy]

I don't like it at all, I would say "you'll get very hurt" but I would never say "you could die" just really don't like the idea of it and wouldn't want my 2 year old to have to think about themselves dying even if they properly understood it tbh, I can understand saying it in the heat of the moment if they ran into a road or something and you panic but otherwise no.

I very much agree with this.

Just because a situation has true possibilities, it doesn't mean you have to state them every time it comes up, you'd end up sounding like Debbie Downer. Like, oh don't get a your ears pierced because they could get infected, give you septicemia and you could die!

But I get it spilling out if he was scared and wanted the child to stop doing something.

 

[steph.]

I've talked to lo about death since she was 2 and my grandad died. And I've also told her in the past that if she ran out on the road she would die. A couple of weeks ago i got a few books out of the library in a rush and one of them was a book called ^when dinossaurs die^ which is a book for children explaining death. Initially i thought it was a bit morbid but dd really liked it. It's a natural part of life, and at least my dd has taken it in stride, i don't think it needs to be kept from them.

 

[StaceyKor]

I have told Emilia to be careful of things as she could get really hurt, like at busy roads, playing on stairs etc. thankfully, she's never experienced death so I don't think she would understand it anyway tbh x

 

[Tasha]

Is he aware that you wouldn't like that to be said? If not you need to sit and have a chat about what sorts of things your uncomfortable with.

I just want to reassure though, my daughters died Honey when my oldest had just turned 3, Middle was just turning 2 and youngest was yet to be born, then Riley Rae when my oldest was turning seven, middle turning six and youngest turning three. Death has, for as long as they can remember, been a part of their lives. As they were babies they're aware it can happen at any age and to anyone and we've never had any nightmares or issues. We talk in a matter of fact sort of way, I've no fears of it and neither does my husband, so they've realised from a young age that it isn't a big scary thing.

 

[jd83]

I don't think its wrong to teach them that death is a possibility if its something truly dangerous. No, you shouldn't throw that phrase around willy nilly just to scare them out of doing things, but when appropriate with truly dangerous things, yes I think its absolutely appropriate to teach them that something that bad could happen. Like running into the road with cars coming, or falling from a tall height, etc. Those are pretty dangerous, and they need to realize that. We've been t oa few funerals with the boys, and discussed death after those, so they do understand that dying means you don't come back.

 

[AnneD]

I was also going to add that once upon a time children wouldn't have been so removed from death, as they likely would have seen daisy the cow slaughtered for Sunday dinner. In the modern era we'd rather pretend it's something that didn't happen, when it fact it is a natural consequence of being alive.

Obviously toddlers don't grasp death in it's entirety until they're older, but it's certainly not something I think we should avoid talking about with them.

I agree wholeheartedly. It's a fact of life and I don't want to pretend it doesn't exist.

 

[alicecooper]

No I don't think it's too much to be honest. It might be scary, but it's the truth. If children learn early on that if they do something dangerous they might die, then perhaps they'll be less likely to do those dangerous things.

 

[EarthMama]

Thanks for the thoughts ladies...it bothered me because my son is very sensitive and high strung and tends to have a lot of anxiety. I was worried that hearing about death would put him on an anxiety track about it.

I completely agree though that death is part of life...he's seen me process a chicken for food and our cats bring dead mice/birds/lizards in all the time. He understands that death = broken, can't fix it.

But what bothered me is that my husband seemed to be saying it off the cuff, to make my son afraid when he didn't need to be afraid.

I feel like the death topic should be more thoughtfully approached with very young children, is all, and not just said off the cuff for every little situation in which it COULD occur.

 

[MiniKiwi]

I completely agree with you on that. I had childhood anxiety and I think if my parents had said stuff like that to me that I would have been a wreck. Hopefully you can talk to your hubby about it and he'll see where you're coming from