Husband wants a second child not sure I do.

[fashionlover]

My husband wants to start trying for a second baby. Our daughter is 1 year. I love being a mom to her but I am absolutely terrified of having another. Mostly because my pregnancy with her was really traumatic. From start to finish, it was just awful. Firstly, I am afraid my second pregnancy will be just as horrible and secondly, I just don't know if I am equipped to be a mom to two babies. The worst part of all of this is, I just got my period back after 2 years of no periods due to EBF. My husband does not want me to go on birth control and he refuses to wear condoms. Not sure how to prevent another birth because I am still breastfeeding and was told that fertility tracking is not very accurate when you are breastfeeding. I feel lost, and scared and totally out of control of my body right now. any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

[fdcsw126]

To be honest you and your partner need to talk about this, explain that you aren't ready to ttc #2 but maybe compromise to reconsider the topic in a few months

 

[smurff]

To be honest like the pp said, you and your husband really need to talk about this. I wasn't sure I wanted another one as I was perfectly happy giving my dd all the love and attention she wanted and I was so scared she would feel pushed out when we brought another baby into the house. Also I had a traumatic birth with her and was scared of going through that again and I didn't think I could cope with 2 of them. My hubby is in the military so if he went away I would be left to care for 2 children on my own for months on end. Having said that I didn't want my dd to be an only child and I knew hubby really wanted another one. When I found out I was pregnant for a second time I burst Into tears as I was so worried how dd would be. My son was born 6wks ago and im so glad we had another one, he was born exactly 2yrs and 1 week after his sister. She loves him so much and always gives him kisses and rocks the moses basket if hes upset. Its surprising how he has slotted into our lives, I don't find it any harder having 2 than I did 1, maybe wait till your lo is a bit older so they can help you with your new one and be more involved. Explain your not saying no forever, you just need more time.

 

[fashionlover]

Well we had a talk about it and I have decided for the sake of my daughter to try to have another baby. Still trying to convince him I need another year but he wants to knock them out ASAP. Easy for him to say right? I am absolutely terrified that my pregnancy and birth are going to be as horrible or more horrible than my experience with my daughter. I suppose all I can do is just pray.

 

[smurff]

Well we had a talk about it and I have decided for the sake of my daughter to try to have another baby. Still trying to convince him I need another year but he wants to knock them out ASAP. Easy for him to say right? I am absolutely terrified that my pregnancy and birth are going to be as horrible or more horrible than my experience with my daughter. I suppose all I can do is just pray.

No offence but I think your husband is being totally unreasonable, I am sure if it was him having to go through pregnancy and labour he would want to wait a bit longer. If you need another year then you need another year and he should respect that. I would say don't have another baby just cause your husband wants one or if you are just doing it for your little girl, you have to want another one also. Like I said I wasn't sure I wanted another one and like you my hubby wanted one and I didn't want my little girl to be an only child but I also knew deep down that years down the line I would have regretted it if I didn't have another one which is why I went ahead. Believe me if I really really didn't want another I would not have had one not even for my husband.

 

[Skywalker]

It IS easy for your husband to say it's time for another baby but you're the one who has to be pregnant and give birth, so I do hope he is taking your concerns into consideration, because otherwise, it just sounds like he is being selfish, uncaring and unrealistic. You're not alone, I also am now afraid to have any more children and I never thought I'd feel that way, but the pregnancy and birth and post-birth have been hard for me so I'll take some time and if someone were rushing me I wouldn't appreciate it. I'd say talk to him, and then only start trying for another baby when you BOTH REALLY feel ready.

 

[RcdM]

I agree that it should be a mutual thing, it was the opposite for me though, I wanted another and DH did not. We had a very traumatic and unexpected early birth at 30 weeks due to severe pregnancy complications yet I didn't let it stop me from wanting my dd to have a sibling. It was all worth it in the end, everything we went through. My DH did not want a second, for plenty of reasons, but one main reason is he didn't want to have to go through what we went through again, which I understood and agreed to some extent. But I did a lot of research and talked to my doctor and talked to lots of wonderful ladies on here who have gone through the same thing, not to mention TONS of prayer, and I was ready. It took over a year of countless talks and discussions and some arguments, but I finally convinced DH to TTC and we ended up getting pregnant the very first time we tried - it was crazy because it took 9 stressful months to TTC dd so I was sure it would be a while!

This second time around, I'm so much more educated and prepared for what may come, so that has helped tremendously. I don't quite know what happened in your pregnancy/birth but you can plan a little more and at least things don't feel so scary because you've been through it already once. If you had complications last time, you can talk to your doctor about what can be done to prevent that this time. But it shouldn't be rushed. If you think it's too early, I agree wait a few months and come back to the topic.

I should add I am now 30 weeks with #2 and no complications yet, which is so exciting because by now with my dd I was already having a bunch of issues. So your second pregnancy can be completely different! There is no guarantee that what happened in your first pregnancy will happen again.

 

[justmeinlove]

Well yeah, it's not totally up to him! You are not his baby making slave! If you want to go on birth control, do. It is your body, not his. If you don't want to and he refuses to wear condoms, well, he can have fun not wearing condoms Or having sex!

is he ok the rest of the time? As honestly he sounds kind of abusive, with that attitude.

big hugs

 

[fashionlover]

Well yeah, it's not totally up to him! You are not his baby making slave! If you want to go on birth control, do. It is your body, not his. If you don't want to and he refuses to wear condoms, well, he can have fun not wearing condoms Or having sex!

is he ok the rest of the time? As honestly he sounds kind of abusive, with that attitude.

big hugs

I appreciate your concern. He is actually a really kind hearted man. He is just very set in his ways about certain things especially on this topic.

 

[justmeinlove]

Ok. Well it's still true that it's not up to just him, so the bit i said before the last sentence still applies sex strikes are v effective tools if needed ;-)

 

[fashionlover]

Ok. Well it's still true that it's not up to just him, so the bit i said before the last sentence still applies sex strikes are v effective tools if needed ;-)

That is the power of being a woman:thumb up:

 

[Linnypops]

I haven't read the replies to your original post but i'm sure it goes without saying that it is your body and you have the right to refuse to get pregnant again. If your husband won't use protection you certainly have the right to take matters into your on hands.

 

[Feronia]

Agreed, it’s your body and you get to veto having another this early if you want. There are serious consent issues going on if he refuses to use protection and refuses to “let” you use birth control, but also insists on sex.

Many people go on to have healing, positive second birth experiences after a first traumatic birth. Take more time to heal and recover – physically and emotionally – before taking the plunge though, and only do it when you truly feel ready.

I recommend talking to midwives in your area. You’re much more likely to have a positive birth experience with a good midwife!