Hypnobirthing, pain and OH..sorry a bit of a rant

[crazydiamond]

I went to my first hypnobirthing session with my OH yesterday. It was very much an introductory session explaining the theory behind it rather than any of the techniques. I did agree with the basic premise of it - simplifying it vastly I was basically told that the techniques will help me to relax, by relaxing I am less likely to breath quickly, produce adrenaline and divert oxygen away from my uterus which will ensure that my uterus performs more effectively as a muscle and the contractions are less painful. Based on this session I was keen to give it a go as I felt that it could certainly help.

However when I got home I had a chat to my OH about it. As a result of the session his view is now that childbirth is effectively a completely pain free process and that all pain is down to the mind of the woman giving birth as according to him ’no animals experience any pain during childbirth so it all must be down to humans over thinking it too much’ .

Am I being particularly hormonal to feel very annoyed at his point of view? I am now very concerned about him as my birth partner as I feel I am being set up for failure. I am also annoyed that Hypnobirthing was presented a bit as a complete panacea, whereas I would rather see it as something worth trying to help reduce any pain. I am not entirely convinced that it can deal with all pain for a number of reasons including:

a) If you work any muscle such as the uterus for an extended period (even if it is well oxygenated) it will start to hurt after a while.

b) Although birth is a natural process I think the vast majority of people in the Western world are poorly prepared for birth as certain muscles are not regularly used and a few weeks/months practicing active birth techniques prior to labour will not entirely reverse a lifetime of bad habits (although it will certainly help).

c) Linked to point b) the above the number of back to back babies is higher in Westernised countries linked to poor posture and so on and I do not consider that Hypnobirthing will complete erase any pain from this.

d) I am not sure to what extent hypnobirthing will help with the second stage – after all people that do Hypnobirthing do still tear although the rate is reduced.

My OHs view was that if I feel like this it isn’t worth me bothering with it as I need to be totally convinced about the effectiveness of it for it to work.

I would really appreciate any views on this. Has anyone had any experience giving birth with hypnobirthing that would disagree with my view? Given this view is it worth me continuing with Hypnobirthing? If my view is indeed a rational one how can I convince my OH of this?

 

[StonesWife]

I can't offer any advice on the hypnobirthing end, I'm very curious to see what others say as I really had wanted to use it but couldn't afford $70 a seesion...

But I will say I think your OH (or any man who thinks he has the right to make a bold statement like that) is in the wrong to say anything about labor or birth or pregnancy in general. I do feel as a man he should sit back and realise he has NO IDEA nor will he ever! Men can only sympathise with us. And I'm pretty sure animals feel pain in labor they just don't have the minds to over think it like we do so it may hurt less because they don't really understand the pain.

That being said I think you should talk to him and discuss his view so you are comfortable with him during labor. Express how you're feeling because going into labor with a partner you're unsure of is bound to cause unneeded stress and tension and there fore possibly more pain.

 

[kiwimama]

Wow, I'd be pissed off with my oh if he had that view.

Your oh is wrong when he says childbirth is painful because humans "overthink" it, it's because we evolved to stand upright, and because we are bipedal our pelvises and birth canals have narrowed and make birthing harder, as the baby has to turn itself around in the birth canal to exit properly. Human babies also have huge heads compared to other animals, which doesn't help. Animals do feel pain when giving birth, but they don't advertise the fact, because, by nature, they try and be as quiet as possible to avoid any predators attacking them while in labour or going for their vunerable newborn.

With your first birth, it is really hard to know exactly how you will cope during labour. I would go into it with an open mind that hypnobirthing is going to be one of your pain relief options, as well as ....... (whatever else you want.) Put 100% effort into learning the techniques and keep revising so that it is as effective as it possibly can be, and if you do need more pain relief, you can turn to one of your other options.

Unsure exactly how to deal with your oh... I'd probably just sit him down, say, this is my birth, I am going to be the one pushing our child into the world, you need to step up and support me 100% and that is all.

 

[Wispyshadow]

Sounds like OH has never seen an animal give birth, I have had two babies and both were painful. I was able to tolerate the pain by using relaxation techniques and had a very positive attitude and kept moving. I don't know about hypnobirthing, not sure how that works but it probably would be worth a try and would probably help with relaxation. I wouldn't think a completely pain-free birth would be acheived unless you had chemical pain relief. But everyone births differently so I can't say that no one has ever had a completely pain free birth, just that it is highly unlikely.

I had a cat though that followed me around and yowled at the top of her lungs while having kittens....she acted in pain. I had to sit with her the whole time. I was like a kitty doula Even cows will bellow and crane there necks during birth.

 

[trumpetbum]

A hypnobirthing practicioner that posts on another board I'm a member rof put it like this the other day and I thought it was a good eay of explaining what hypnobirthing did for me.

the focus of Hypnobirthing isn't pain-free labour (although lots of people will experience this), but about MORE COMFORTABLE birth. People who experience pain in labour shouldn't interpret that as hypnobirthing "not working" - it's more important to look at the whole experience. The focus should on birth being more comfortable and positive.

Hypnobirthing DID work for me, my birth wasn't painless but it was a very positive experience thanks to the hypnobirthing and I'd recommend it to anyone.

 

[chuck]

Get the Hypnobithing coach to speak to him as I'm sure they understand it is not a pain free experience but one that you can minimize with the right techniques.

What a plank eh?

 

[Aunty E]

My OH is well aware that animals giving birth feel pain! I did hypnobirthing with Mog, and it made my labour much more manageable and I was very calm about having to go to theatre which I'm sure helped me avoid the c section they were threatening. I totally agree with all your points, mogling turned sideways and wouldn't deliver and after four hours of pushing, it bloody well hurt, in a way it didn't at the beginning. Hypnobirthing is still worth doing, even if you are sure you'll have a hospital delivery (like me) or that it's not going to prevent pain completely. Mog is a super calm baby, I think because of all the relaxation exercises and affirmations. And kick your OH from me.

 

[stardust599]

Hmmm no advice really. But I have watched two dogs give birth. One yelped and howled in pain a lot of the time and the other didn't make a sound but was clearly in pain with shaking etc. so I do think animals feel pain during birth!

I'm my Mum's dog's "birthing partner" in 2 weeks so I shall see how it goes lol xxx

 

[crazydiamond]

Thanks all I had another chat with my OH and feel a lot better now.

He explained that he didn't really believe that there was no pain and 'it was all in the mind' but that he was just trying to be positive for me as the hypnobirthing teacher had told him that you need to totally believe in the fact that there will be no pain for the techniques to work.

I am not entirely convinced of this view but plan to discuss it with the teacher at the next session.

 

[disneyfan1984]

I will say that my hypnobirth was not pain-free, but it was not nearly as bad as I had imagined prior to starting my hypnobirth classes. I was able to easily cope without any real medical intervention, and did not have any tearing/stitches.

I think the real benefit of hypnobirthing is the attitude going into labour - if you aren't scared of it, it won't be so bad, and the ability to relax pretty much completely during contractions. This recharges your batteries (so to speak) and makes the next one not so bad. Check out the story in my siggy if you want more details.

 

[disneyfan1984]

Thanks all I had another chat with my OH and feel a lot better now.

He explained that he didn't really believe that there was no pain and 'it was all in the mind' but that he was just trying to be positive for me as the hypnobirthing teacher had told him that you need to totally believe in the fact that there will be no pain for the techniques to work.

I am not entirely convinced of this view but plan to discuss it with the teacher at the next session.

Being positive is important - but being delusional won't help any . I didn't believe that my hypnobirth would be pain-free, just that I would be able to manage the pain that did come, and stay relaxed. It worked!

 

[leelee]

Thanks all I had another chat with my OH and feel a lot better now.

He explained that he didn't really believe that there was no pain and 'it was all in the mind' but that he was just trying to be positive for me as the hypnobirthing teacher had told him that you need to totally believe in the fact that there will be no pain for the techniques to work.

I am not entirely convinced of this view but plan to discuss it with the teacher at the next session.

Being positive is important - but being delusional won't help any . I didn't believe that my hypnobirth would be pain-free, just that I would be able to manage the pain that did come, and stay relaxed. It worked!

I agree with this statement

I used hypnobirthing and would say it helped me stay calm during the whole process. I did feel pain, as Max got stuck and I had to use interventions but hypnobirthing definitely got me to 9cm with just G&A as I didn't panic in labour.

Max is also a very chilled out baby and I definitely put that down to hypnobirthing.

 

[flubdub]

Wow, I'd be pissed off with my oh if he had that view.

Your oh is wrong when he says childbirth is painful because humans "overthink" it, it's because we evolved to stand upright, and because we are bipedal our pelvises and birth canals have narrowed and make birthing harder, as the baby has to turn itself around in the birth canal to exit properly. Human babies also have huge heads compared to other animals, which doesn't help. Animals do feel pain when giving birth, but they don't advertise the fact, because, by nature, they try and be as quiet as possible to avoid any predators attacking them while in labour or going for their vunerable newborn.

With your first birth, it is really hard to know exactly how you will cope during labour. I would go into it with an open mind that hypnobirthing is going to be one of your pain relief options, as well as ....... (whatever else you want.) Put 100% effort into learning the techniques and keep revising so that it is as effective as it possibly can be, and if you do need more pain relief, you can turn to one of your other options.

Unsure exactly how to deal with your oh... I'd probably just sit him down, say, this is my birth, I am going to be the one pushing our child into the world, you need to step up and support me 100% and that is all.

Brilliantly put.
I was going to say, what makes him think animals dont feel the pain? They dont scream and shout about it, but I bet it hurts all the same.

 

[TattooedMama]

But I will say I think your OH (or any man who thinks he has the right to make a bold statement like that) is in the wrong to say anything about labor or birth or pregnancy in general. I do feel as a man he should sit back and realise he has NO IDEA nor will he ever! Men can only sympathise with us. .

He is her OH and he has a right to express his opinion to the woman he loves just as she has the right to disagree. I realize being pregnant we an be overly sensitive to those opinions and remarks sometimes but there should be enough mutual respect in the relationship to overcome that. Just because he is a man does not mean he has no right to an opinion on the matter.

That being said, I have no experience with hypnobirthing but I do believe in the possibilities of a pain-free birth. I believe it comes down largely to the woman, her beliefs, her ability to relax and her thought process/how she views labor. If you are interested in reading about natural(pain free) birth then you should look into Grantly Dick-Read's "Childbirth Without Fear".

 

[9isDivine]

I am sorry about your OH's repsonse. I know it is very frustrating and a concern that he won't be as supportive during the labor process.

Make sure he knows that you need him there even if the pain is greatly reduced. Emotionally I can not begin to tell you how that will help!

I have had several children and I can tell you that no delivery is the same and some can be less painful than others. I have some friends that do no relaxation methods at all and have relatively painfree labors.

Some women are just gonna have more pain than others, but management techniques WILL help you cope with the pain.

ANY relaxation techniques you practice will be a huge help to you! It really does help....(and be sure you wait for baby as long as possible).
This will help you open more quickly and therefore shorten labor.

Best wishes and Blessings!
Kim

 

[cassiexx]

Hi

I have had my last two children using hypnobirthing (mongan method) and both were different but positive experiences and what I would describe as pain free births. Its hard to describe it, uncomfortable but I was in full control. I compare them against my first birth which was a water birth in which I had 3rd degree tearing and an unpleasant birthing experience.

When I first told my OH about hypnobirthing his reply was "what? How much is it going to cost me". I was worried when we went to our first session thinking he would be obstructive and not support me.

I was however very wrong after the first session when we both started to learn the techniques we both left feeling really relaxed. It also helped me get over the previous bad birthing experience I had.

My husband turned out to be the best birthing partner I could have hoped for. It gave him the confidence to speak to the Midwife and deal with any questions they had during the birth leaving me to relax and use the techniques I had practised. I also helped him bond with the baby and made him feel part of the birth process.

If your partner is not up for it 100% and negative there is no reason why you cant get a friend, mum, sister to be your birthing partner. Your husband can still be there if he wishes.

I would carry on with the course and go into it with an open mind, at the very least you will go into birth feeling confident and mentally prepared to give birth.

I would recommend the Hypnobirthing - Mongan Method courses rather that some of the shorter untested courses (i.e workshops). Also the more practice you do the better the birth experience.

Hope this helped.

Cassie
x

 

[Jenniflower]

I am not entirely convinced that it can deal with all pain for a number of reasons including:

a) If you work any muscle such as the uterus for an extended period (even if it is well oxygenated) it will start to hurt after a while.

b) Although birth is a natural process I think the vast majority of people in the Western world are poorly prepared for birth as certain muscles are not regularly used and a few weeks/months practicing active birth techniques prior to labour will not entirely reverse a lifetime of bad habits (although it will certainly help).

c) Linked to point b) the above the number of back to back babies is higher in Westernised countries linked to poor posture and so on and I do not consider that Hypnobirthing will complete erase any pain from this.

d) I am not sure to what extent hypnobirthing will help with the second stage – after all people that do Hypnobirthing do still tear although the rate is reduced.

My OHs view was that if I feel like this it isn’t worth me bothering with it as I need to be totally convinced about the effectiveness of it for it to work.

I would really appreciate any views on this. Has anyone had any experience giving birth with hypnobirthing that would disagree with my view? Given this view is it worth me continuing with Hypnobirthing? If my view is indeed a rational one how can I convince my OH of this?

a) It will become tired and could potentially be sore after. But like when you're doing sit ups and such. Having rest between your reps gives your muscles time to relax. The same works when you're resting between your surges.

b) The uterus, this certain muscle you are referring to, is not poorly prepared because we live in the western world. It is a muscle that is generally never used until time of birth. They tell you that while you are pregnant you will have braxton-hicks through out without even noticing it. This is preparing your uterus and working it out. Your body is BUILT to give birth. You just have to know how to allow oxygen to the right parts.

c) Hypnobirthing will definitely NOT erase that. As that is not normal child birth. What you can do in hypnobirthing though is learn techiniques to move your child. Your baby can turn back to back in a moments notice and you'd have no idea. You can also get your baby back to it's natural place by assuming the all fours position staying calm and willing your baby to turn back around. Your baby will not turn if you lay on your back strapped to machines and it definitely will not turn if you are stressed out and causing pain to both you and the baby


d) The main cause of tearing is the concept of pushing. That's not to say you won't tear in a normal circumstance. By all means your baby's head might be huge! or his hands may come along for the ride and tear on the way out. But for the most part if you are breathing your baby out as opposed to pushing then the risk for tearing becomes minimal. This is because you're allowing you're uterus to do it's job and you're allowing your baby to come when they're ready. If he/she does have their hands on their head on the way out. By breathing them out you may be giving them a chance to put those puppies to the side where they're meant to be. By pushing him out your merely rushing the natural process.

I really really really think you should give it a chance, but I also think you need to start turning your mind set around. Which will really come with time and practice. Make sure you read the book. The science in there is fantastic! At least for someone like me who is very fact based and not so much just do it because we tell you it works based, hahaha. Sorry if this is really long winded but I just feel really passionate about it and want you to give it a try.

As for your OH I can totally see why he would now think that. I think they push a lot in the begining that it won't be "painful" so as to shift your mind set. You won't hear the word pain in hypnobirthing, not because it doesn't exist but because of the bad images the word pain evokes in the mind. He'll never truely understand what birthing is like no matter what you tell him. And in truth you wanting him to know how painful it really is, is something you'll have to really turn around in your head. Mickey talks about that in the book. How women in real life who like to be coddled and taken care of and have a flare for the dramatic will birth in the same way. She says, I think it is. "How we live our lives is how we birth" I know from first hand experience this is something I've had to change. I LOOOOVE having DH be at my beckon call when I'm not feeling well. I'll need to watch that while I'm birthing though because I have the potential to bring that up.

Again.. sorry for the length! goodness me!

 

[flubdub]

I am not entirely convinced that it can deal with all pain for a number of reasons including:

a) If you work any muscle such as the uterus for an extended period (even if it is well oxygenated) it will start to hurt after a while.

b) Although birth is a natural process I think the vast majority of people in the Western world are poorly prepared for birth as certain muscles are not regularly used and a few weeks/months practicing active birth techniques prior to labour will not entirely reverse a lifetime of bad habits (although it will certainly help).

c) Linked to point b) the above the number of back to back babies is higher in Westernised countries linked to poor posture and so on and I do not consider that Hypnobirthing will complete erase any pain from this.

d) I am not sure to what extent hypnobirthing will help with the second stage – after all people that do Hypnobirthing do still tear although the rate is reduced.

My OHs view was that if I feel like this it isn’t worth me bothering with it as I need to be totally convinced about the effectiveness of it for it to work.

I would really appreciate any views on this. Has anyone had any experience giving birth with hypnobirthing that would disagree with my view? Given this view is it worth me continuing with Hypnobirthing? If my view is indeed a rational one how can I convince my OH of this?

a) It will become tired and could potentially be sore after. But like when you're doing sit ups and such. Having rest between your reps gives your muscles time to relax. The same works when you're resting between your surges.

b) The uterus, this certain muscle you are referring to, is not poorly prepared because we live in the western world. It is a muscle that is generally never used until time of birth. They tell you that while you are pregnant you will have braxton-hicks through out without even noticing it. This is preparing your uterus and working it out. Your body is BUILT to give birth. You just have to know how to allow oxygen to the right parts.

c) Hypnobirthing will definitely NOT erase that. As that is not normal child birth. What you can do in hypnobirthing though is learn techiniques to move your child. Your baby can turn back to back in a moments notice and you'd have no idea. You can also get your baby back to it's natural place by assuming the all fours position staying calm and willing your baby to turn back around. Your baby will not turn if you lay on your back strapped to machines and it definitely will not turn if you are stressed out and causing pain to both you and the baby


d) The main cause of tearing is the concept of pushing. That's not to say you won't tear in a normal circumstance. By all means your baby's head might be huge! or his hands may come along for the ride and tear on the way out. But for the most part if you are breathing your baby out as opposed to pushing then the risk for tearing becomes minimal. This is because you're allowing you're uterus to do it's job and you're allowing your baby to come when they're ready. If he/she does have their hands on their head on the way out. By breathing them out you may be giving them a chance to put those puppies to the side where they're meant to be. By pushing him out your merely rushing the natural process.

I really really really think you should give it a chance, but I also think you need to start turning your mind set around. Which will really come with time and practice. Make sure you read the book. The science in there is fantastic! At least for someone like me who is very fact based and not so much just do it because we tell you it works based, hahaha. Sorry if this is really long winded but I just feel really passionate about it and want you to give it a try.

As for your OH I can totally see why he would now think that. I think they push a lot in the begining that it won't be "painful" so as to shift your mind set. You won't hear the word pain in hypnobirthing, not because it doesn't exist but because of the bad images the word pain evokes in the mind. He'll never truely understand what birthing is like no matter what you tell him. And in truth you wanting him to know how painful it really is, is something you'll have to really turn around in your head. Mickey talks about that in the book. How women in real life who like to be coddled and taken care of and have a flare for the dramatic will birth in the same way. She says, I think it is. "How we live our lives is how we birth" I know from first hand experience this is something I've had to change. I LOOOOVE having DH be at my beckon call when I'm not feeling well. I'll need to watch that while I'm birthing though because I have the potential to bring that up.

Again.. sorry for the length! goodness me!

What an interesting post, thanks very much! Can I ask, do you have a book or anything you recommend to learn "the science", as I am very interested to read up on this, cheers x

 

[madasa]

I used hypno birthing. It was great. My birth was not pain free by any means, but the hypno birthing absolutely reduced it for me and made it FAR easier to cope with.

You need to explain to your DH about the Fear Tension Pain cycle. Women are conditioned from childhood to believe that a) their bodies are defective and b) that birth is agonisingly painful. You cannot simply shake off a life time of social conditioning in one class. He needs to understand that, and that his attitude is undermining your confidence, and this us nit going to be helpful on the day!!

Complications cause pain. Different positions if the baby could cause pain. Early rupture of membranes causes pain!!!!! (ime). The baby's head is grinding down on the uncushioned cervix by powerful ctx! Extra people being in the room can make the process slower/more uncomfortable (I posted about this recently in the Home Birthers & Hopefuls thread ). Interventions can cause pain.

SOME pain is often a part of the dance of hormones that you get in a normal birth. The pain means you produce endorphins to counter it, and these endorphis work on you AND lo (he's being squeezed by your uterus and then squished and pushed down the birth canal, it can be uncomfy for him too!!). If YOUR experience is pain free, no endorphins are produced, which means no relief for the baby!

Lastly, re animals: firstly, no other animal has a head as big as ours! Secondly, many animals DO show signs if distress and pain during birth. Thirdly, animals hide pain instinctively so as not to attract the attention of predators, so it can be easily missed.

Birth can be pain free or very low pain, but understanding that the pain itself plays an important role and keeping positive is key, I think. Being positive doesn't mean believing that it will be painless, IMO. It means believing it will not be agonising, and knowing that you can be proactive and have control over the experience to make it more comfortable.

 

[Jenniflower]

What an interesting post, thanks very much! Can I ask, do you have a book or anything you recommend to learn "the science", as I am very interested to read up on this, cheers x

I've been reading the Mongan Method to hypnobirthing. In it she talks a lot about the science but she also references you to the places she did the research to find out the information. I've taken a few of her references and looked them up online as well. Just because I'm the type of person that doesn't just listen to what people say, I have to read it myself. I would say look up anything my Dr. Dick-Reed. She references him a lot.