saraendepity
Daisy's Mummy and TTC!
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2008
- Messages
- 6,052
- Reaction score
- 0
ok so a joke MIL sent to us.......................Long but worth it!!!
| ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS |
| |
| Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! |
| |
| Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his|
| lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: |
| |
| Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that spared my|
| interest. |
| |
| The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little |
| something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a |
| 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were |
| supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your |
| assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? |
| |
| WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. |
| I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. |
| |
| Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the |
| button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get |
| the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. |
| |
| AWESOME!!! |
| |
| Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on |
| the face of her microwave. |
| |
| Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it |
| couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? |
| |
| There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting |
| little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I |
| really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. |
| |
| I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) |
| and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if |
| I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a |
| mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I |
| wrong? |
| |
| So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading |
| glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one |
| hand, and tazer in another. |
| |
| The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient |
| your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms |
| and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would |
| purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of |
| water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the |
| batteries. |
| |
| All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, |
| less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy |
| AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible |
| way!' |
| |
| What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ... |
| |
| I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one |
| side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second |
| burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I |
| decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched |
| the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ... |
| |
| HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!! |
| |
| I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in |
| the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and |
| over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, |
| with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles |
| nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest |
| position, and tingling in my legs! |
| |
| The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a|
| picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to |
| avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. |
| |
| Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note|
| of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap |
| yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from |
| your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst|
| would be considered conservative! |
| |
| A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at |
| that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and |
| surveyed the landscape. |
| |
| My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner|
| was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally |
| was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My |
| face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip |
| weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. |
| |
| Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure,|
| and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, |
| which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and|
| I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! |
| |
| P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift |
| and now regularly threatens me with it! |
| |
| If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
sorry about all the l thingies - its off the Email and i'm too fat and Lazy to take them out!!!!
sara
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
| ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS |
| |
| Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! |
| |
| Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his|
| lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: |
| |
| Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that spared my|
| interest. |
| |
| The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little |
| something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a |
| 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were |
| supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your |
| assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? |
| |
| WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. |
| I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. |
| |
| Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the |
| button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get |
| the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. |
| |
| AWESOME!!! |
| |
| Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on |
| the face of her microwave. |
| |
| Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it |
| couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? |
| |
| There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting |
| little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I |
| really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. |
| |
| I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) |
| and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if |
| I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a |
| mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I |
| wrong? |
| |
| So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading |
| glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one |
| hand, and tazer in another. |
| |
| The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient |
| your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms |
| and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would |
| purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of |
| water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the |
| batteries. |
| |
| All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, |
| less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy |
| AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible |
| way!' |
| |
| What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ... |
| |
| I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one |
| side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second |
| burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I |
| decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched |
| the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ... |
| |
| HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!! |
| |
| I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in |
| the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and |
| over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, |
| with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles |
| nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest |
| position, and tingling in my legs! |
| |
| The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a|
| picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to |
| avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. |
| |
| Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note|
| of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap |
| yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from |
| your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst|
| would be considered conservative! |
| |
| A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at |
| that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and |
| surveyed the landscape. |
| |
| My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner|
| was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally |
| was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My |
| face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip |
| weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. |
| |
| Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure,|
| and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, |
| which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and|
| I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! |
| |
| P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift |
| and now regularly threatens me with it! |
| |
| If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
sorry about all the l thingies - its off the Email and i'm too fat and Lazy to take them out!!!!
sara
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
