I am 21 and I want to be a mum.

[Greenyb]

Hello everyone,

I am a 21 old university student, and I am currently living with my partner of two years long. At the moment I am in financial problems, so I am trying to get out of debt, and I have one last year to finish my course in fashion and design at university.

I have this feeling for a year now , about being a mummy, but I wasn't obsessed with it, till 2months ago. I can't help myself, but when I see children clothing, I am so happy... I love babies so much , I would like to design also baby clothing once I graduate. When I babysit the baby of my boyfriend's brother, I feel the warmth in my heart by changing him, feeding him , make the baby laugh, take him to the playground,etc. My life has been so tough, and my parents were the meanest people in my life. Having a little miracle baby , would just make me the happiest woman on earth. I don't care if I wouldn't have much time anymore to hang out with friends, or have my special time you know.... All I want is to give all my love and care for a little soul. I would really love to have a baby after I finish university and save money.
I am only 21, it's so young , and I know that. But I can hardly see myself waiting until my thirties for a baby..... My partner thinks it's way too early for a baby now, he thinks I am not mature enough and we have to be financially good for a little one to arrive.

I just don't know what to do.... I guess I will have to wait forever. It makes me sad, because I just want to give life to someone and make this person the happiest I can.

What do you all think about this?
I understand if I get a lot of replies saying how young it is to have a baby.

Thank you for reading

 

[stephx]

Well, I had a baby at 19 and I wish I would have waited I was the broodiest person aswell, from about 13 all I wanted was a baby!

Wait till your both 100% ready x

 

[Melissa93]

I think you should wait a couple more years, I had my daughter at 18 and if I could have her but later then I would have, it completely changes your life I've lost basically all my friends and find it hard finding people I have things in common with, most people my age just seem bothered about goin out every weekend whereas I have improvements I want to make on house, talk about my daughter things for her like clothes, bedtimes, potty training etc even had conversations with a girl I know about what shops are good to do food shopping and good deals haha definitely changes your perspective on things and you have to put your self second to them, just make the most of being young having the freedom and enjoy time with your partner making memories before you don't get much time just you 2, also get your money situation sorted as well as its so expensive having a baby and will b one less stress for you xx

 

[Pearls18]

You don't need to wait until you're in your 30s, there is no perfect age or we would probably all have children at the same age. But aiming to get the most ideal situation is paramout, some people manage this at 21, others at 35. Instead of begrudging the life you have now until you have children, think of it as the stepping stones to motherhood, your degree is preparing you for a career which will provide for your baby, clearing debt will leave money left over for luxuries amd necessities, enjoy the time with your boyfriend "unattached". I know there is an assumption that if you don't depend on socialising or clubbing you're ready for motherhood, but it is a misconception, there is so much more that changes that you don't even think about beforehand. Being broody is natural, we're designed that way, but parenthood is so much more fun when you're better setup for it

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I've never longed or actively planned for a child so I can't say I know what it's like but I will say, if it's a baby you want - they're not babies for very long!
Parenthood lasts for the rest of your life and while it is so rewarding, it's also physically and emotionally exhausting.
I don't think 21 is too young to start having children (I fell pregnant at 20), but it definitely doesn't sound like the right time for you. You have the luxury of planning that a lot of young parents never have, use it to get yourself in a better position for becoming a parent. You have to think about the little life you'd be bringing into the world too, isn't it fairer to bring him or her into a stable home environment, with both parents who are ready? It's surprising how much can change in just a few short years, but you can have this amazing goal to work towards.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Age is much less important than situation, imo.
If you can provide for a child, have a safe and happy home to bring them into and are willing to put in the work it takes to raise a child then that's what matters.

 

[EmziixBo0o]

I was pregnant with my LO at 18, had her at 19.. I'd definitely say sort debt out first & a stable job... My debt began once I had my own place & when I went back to work it got worse, child care is costly.. Like one the other lady's said you have a chance to sort a career out before you have a child which most young people don't get I totally agree, being a mommy is such a lovely feeling & so rewarding in many ways but you also don't want to struggle for money at the same time! X

 

[Mummy May]

I had my first baby at 21 and it was a shock to the system but I wouldn't have changed it. It sounds like you have a good reason to wait by finishing your degree and getting out of debt, then you will have the money for luxuries for you and your family. Make sure you are both ready aswell xx

 

[supertabby]

There's some really sensible advice in the posts above. I do think you are quite young to plan this - I'm not saying young mums shouldn't have kids or can't be good parents - totally not the case as I think there are quite a few young mums on this site who seem to have their heads screwed on and be doing a fab job.

However, ideally to cope with parenthood you need to be mature and having enough money to get by helps. You also have to be willing to give up everything you want in life - it doesn't mean you will give those things up but it could. Having a baby now could possibly mean you never have a career - you'd be wasting your hard work at uni.

No amount of babysitting other people's babies can prepare you for having a child. Having a baby is by far the single most toughest thing I have ever done - the physical and mental exhaustion of the first months is indescribable to anyone who hasn't been there. Was my daughter worth it? Absolutely a million times over. But I was a mature married woman with an established career, done my travelling and financially steady. Even when you're in the most "ready" situation it's tough, you and your oh need to be ready.

Being financially ready doesn't mean rich but being in debt in student accommodation is far from ideal. In your shoes I'd finish uni, get the career underway (as an example to your possible future dsughter!) and wait a while. Maybe say to your oh you'd like to discuss it again one year from today and see where you both stand then.

 

[alicecooper]

I was 21 when I had my first child and I wished I'd "lived" a little before having kids to be honest.

 

[x__amour]

I planned my first at 18, had her at 19 and now TTC our 2nd at 21, almost 22.