I am Feeling So Alone

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by CarCam, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

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    I miscarried a few days ago and have been experiencing what feels like the post-partum blues. I am an absolute mess...headaches, cramps, horrible snappy mood swings and my husband doesn't get it!

    I asked him if he felt sad at all, and his reply was "Uh, nope, not really". He is completely "over it". Which leaves me to feel like I have to mourn on my own.

    At lunch time today he told me that he had already told a few of his friends and patients that I was pregnant. When I asked him what he was going to tell them he said, "I am just going to tell them that you probably just had a weird menstrual cycle and that you were never pregnant." I asked him if that was what HE thought, and he said "Yes, I don't think you were ever pregnant. I think you were just seeing things [the positive test]".

    I just can't get over how insensitive he is being. He actually thinks I was never even pregnant...like I made up the whole blasted story or something!!!:hissy:

    I just needed to get this off my chest, and none of my friends are answering their phones. Thanks for being here!!!
     
  2. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

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    Oh...and one more thing...

    I am overweight and he has actually had the nerve to harp on me today about losing weight so we can save money on health and life insurance. He is so in the doghouse.
     
  3. MaryJ

    MaryJ Mom of 1 soon to be 2!

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    Oh I would take the :grr: to that inconsiderate lout. So sorry for your loss hon.:hugs:
     
  4. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    Maybe thats his way of dealing with greive *pretending it didnt happen * I am not sayying he is right by far :grr: But people deal with things in different ways sending you :hugs:
     
  5. Tracey2008

    Tracey2008 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun sometimes men can be so insensative!! He would be in the doghouse with me as well.

    I know how your feeling I was told two days ago I was miscarrying and came home to wait for it to happen and my hubby and his family have acted like its something I have dreamt up. I asked hubby if he could take some time off work to be here as I was feeling really crampy and weak but was told he was too busy at work to have time off!!! He rang his parents to tell them we were losing the baby and they were like well its happening get on with it. They havent rang to see how I am or showed any feeling to what I am going through and it does hurt.

    Its like I am having to deal with all the grief on my own. I was told by a dear friend of mine a few years ago when she suffered a miscarriage that not everyone knows how to deal with it so some ignore you, or when they see you dont want to speak about it and try sweeping it under the carpet and shes right. Its only speaking with people I know who have gone through a loss that know just how devestating it leaves you.

    If you need to chat or just someone to talk things through with I am here hun. Unfortunately I had a m/c last March and got my first :bfp: last month after 10 months of trying only to lose this one too:cry: so I can sympathise with the hurt your feeling hun x
     
  6. DiddyDons

    DiddyDons Guest

    Oh i am angry for you! some men just dont get it because they dont feel what we feel...they cant actually bond much untill baby is here! So sorry hun :hugs:


    ♥Proud Mummy To Sophie, An Angel Born Perfectly
    Into Heaven! 31.01.08 ♥ :cry:

    ♥Sophie's Website♥
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    ♥Fell Pregnant With Sophie After Not Having AF for TWO Years..She's My Perfect Miracle! Diagnosed With PCOS Dec 08. Just Started Metformin-Hoping For Regular AF's
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  7. emerald78

    emerald78 Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry to hear whats happened. I wish you the best and try questioning him why he is like that. Rather than just accepting what he says. Like the previous posts some men prefer to pretend it never happened and just get on with it. Be open and honest with him. I would confront his parents over their attitude as that is not acceptable behaviour towards another person.
     
  8. heleninaseb

    heleninaseb Member

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    truly I am amazed by your post.
    this is so sad.

    This morning I got my Feminist rub the wrong way and I felt like screaming to my sisters kick those balls if they cannot be considerate!

    I really am no people who want to make other break their marriage, not at all!

    But that lack of sensitivity in your husband has to change or else how can you feel heard, seen, supported and loved in this awful time of your life for Goddess's sake!

    I am so angry since this morning, I try to alleviate this with empathy for others.

    I have had a miscarriage at almost 11 weeks and it's not 6 days past now and a man who seems to be a stalker or something?
    wrote me a bad comments about my venting at my blog...like it was private as if I shouldn t write about what I want in my own blog?
    he couldn't share empathy or something just the fact I should think about the reasons why it happened?
    WTF?
    as if it were my fault?

    (@@@@@&&&&&&^^^^^^รนรนรน%%%% dirty mouth self censored)

    This did not reach me, I mean I was not sad reading this, I was full of anger
    Sekmet, Kali, Pele roaring in me.

    So my dear, if you feel like connecting to those dark Goddesses to yell, scream and express your anger about your loss do feel free!
    allow yourself to grieve the way you need to!
    it's your body, your soul and it was your baby.

    this is just normal to feel sad and kind of lost, even more without the support of your man
    this acting as if nothing happened makes me speechless and so very sad for you.

    I don't have much advice about this, as I am not into breaking relationship & saying things like if it were me, wont help you much.

    but if you need talk to your husband,tell him how you feel and how hurtful and unconsiderate his words and attitude have been to you.
    he has to know so maybe he can react, apologize and understand and grow as a human being.

    I do understand men not living a miscarriage like we do.it's okay with me, I won't mind.
    but helping their wife or girlfiend is a part of their damn job if they can not handle it who the fuck are they? what the fuck are they doing with us right?

    sorry for the language, but I am just so very so many of my sisters out there have to endure even more pain to the pain of losing their baby.

    Please I may be a big mouth and all but truly I'm a pussycat and if you ever need to talk , contact me, I'd be glad to listen and comfort you as much as I can.I know lots of people say so but it's very sincere, you wont bother me at all.

    I can relate to your pain though I am lucky to have an understanding husband who even if he's handle the sorrow more easily he's okay with me crying if I need to and being angry if I have to.

    a huge sister hug to you
    feel better

    ps: throw plates if you need to ;)
     
  9. chella

    chella mummy of 3 & 1 angel x

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    Hi Ya

    So sorry for ur loss and that u hav to deal with ur partners way of dealin with what happened in such a hurtful way as there is no support for there, How are u feelin recently , hav u tryed speakin to him and tellin him how hurtful the words he is sayin to u is very nasty and hurts u ??

    You need a good hug dont let him make u feel its in ur head as u kno u were pregnany=t and thats all that matters , heres some :hugs: from me

    msg ne time if u need a rant or chat

    take care and hope things will ease for u soon xxxx
     
  10. RobenR

    RobenR Mum to miracle girl & boy

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    I am terribly sorry for your loss. After our loss, only a few days later my DH said he was over it and was ready to move on, while I was suffering massive PPD and engorged breasts and missing our baby terribly.

    I am appalled though, at the callousness of your spouse saying you need to lose weight.

    I am sorry that you have to go through this. :hugs: This is a great place to rant and everyone is so supportive.

    Stay strong!
     
  11. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I think that he is in denial because it is his way of coping. Like, if he actually admitted that you were pregnant, that means that he will have to face the loss. Tell him how you feel and that you need him for support. You may have to agree to disagree (about the loss), but you still need him, emotionally. You are not alone. We are here for you, and we all have been there. :hug:
     
  12. Rainstar

    Rainstar Mommy of a sleeping angel

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    huge :hug: for you. sorry about your loss hun, its really sad that at the time you need people most they are backing away. I had a m/c back in feb and my OH weren't much better, i think men just dont know what to do with themselves, although that does not excuse their behaviour.

    Take care x
     
  13. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

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    I really appreciate all of the support. It seems like my husband continues to hammer nails into his doghouse. I am hotter than a tin roof in the middle of July! My PPD is getting worse, I cry off and on uncontrollably, I snap at my children and I CAN'T stand my husband:hissy:!!!

    BUT, I just can't seem to communicate with him. When I try to tell him how I am feeling, he just says, "that's so weird". WEIRD? NO!

    I digress.

    I need to write him a letter so I can't "hear" his idiotic responses.

    Thanks again everybody, I really appreciate it. :hugs:
     
  14. Cupcake Queen

    Cupcake Queen Well-Known Member

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    Hi
    Have just read your posts and so sorry to hear about your m/c. I have gone through this too - albeit some months ago and it is awful - hard to know what to do or say and I think people really don't know how to manage it.

    I too had my in-laws completely ignore me when we lost our baby - they didn't even call to say they were sorry or see how I was or anything. They were just like "Oh well - try again" to my husband, which is fair enough - but not really what you want to hear at the time.

    I hope you and your hubby are working things out and we know men aren't the best communicators (I mean we are the superior species aren't we :)

    Take care of yourself and stay positive - the beautiful baby that will come to you one day will be worth every minute of heartache you're having to go through now - that's what I keep telling myself!
     

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