Jadelm
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.. FOB texting me saying how he NEEDS me to consider taking him back and how much he misses me and how different everything would be.. only when he's drunk. And after at least a good 3-7 days of not hearing a single peep out of him. Still not seen a penny of what he owes me from pre-preg let alone ANYTHING for Evie. It's like for God's sake, grow up and take responsibility for your life, your baby and all the crap you've put me through and then have the balls to tell me how much I should be giving you another chance. I don't care anymore whether he's upset about us not being together (which to be fair he only is when he's feeling sorry for himself or his mates are too busy to entertain him) because he can say some utterly disgusting things to me when he's being his usual d***head self that completely conflict. And the fact that at the end of the day although I did the actual breaking up he gave me absolutely no choice. How many chances does one person get? And I'm not talking like he had two or three we're probably into at least a hundred of the 'I can't take anymore this is your last chance to sort yourself out' talks.
And the thing that makes my blood boil is that sure everyone gets down and it must be horrible for him in those moments when it dawns on him how good he had it with me (honestly I was like his friggin servant and I completely adored him, he was like a god to me I was so in love) and what he's lost because god it must make you feel like a twat, but how many times when my dad was lying on his effing deathbed and when I was left to cry hysterically all the way home on my own after being told my baby looks like she has down's and all the other highs and lows.. how many of those times have I needed him and he's just turned his back on me and left me to deal with it? I'm literally crying now
Now I've written it it's made me feel so angry and upset. Can you believe that 2 days before my Dad's funeral he fell out with me because of something really trivial like fucking not making him a cup of tea or something and he was shouting at me and swearing at me and telling me he was going and wasn't coming to the funeral and all this crap and the whole time I was just a mess, just literally curled on the bed crying my eyes out. How can someone do that to another person?
God this was just a rant but I've gone right off track now and gotten myself into a right state
I'm ok though. It's made me stronger and having to deal with what I have done has taught me that I can get through ANYTHING and I will be more than ok without FOB. Call me big headed or whatever but put simply that guy doesn't deserve to be with me. I hate that I'm too nice to tell him to just fuck off, I still care about him deeply and I don't want to hurt his feelings but WHY DAMNIT?! Deep down I wanna tear him limb from limb but whenever I speak to him I just end up giving him all this sympathy and trying to make things better for him and it drives me crazy!
At least I can see now how bad things really were. And I've hardly cried once since we broke up, which is HUGE because I was getting into like hysterical crying fits almost every day when he was around so that's gotta be better for Evie bless her. I will NEVER EVER NEVER take him back. NEVER. Please feel free to remind me I said this is in a moment of madness I even consider it.
Annnnywaaay this was sorta gonna be a mini-rant/update thread lol so I'll get back on track. Had a mw appointment last week and bump is measuring exactly where it should be
Got hear her heartbeat but heard more kicking than beating because as soon as mw put the doppler on she was kicking it away and turning over so we lost her hb and had to start again! Literally she did it like 4 times!! This girl is gonna be so much bloody trouble, the grief she's given me already!!
Bump has exploded which I love. You can see her moving now which she does ALL the time and I love that too
Had a couple of days where all the Down's stuff came back to my mind and it really got me down but I'm back to my usual perky self now
Annnd as most of you know my baby boutique is now up and running so yay
Thanks to anyone who read this all the way down.. I can't even see how long it is now but I've been typing for AGES
xxx
And the thing that makes my blood boil is that sure everyone gets down and it must be horrible for him in those moments when it dawns on him how good he had it with me (honestly I was like his friggin servant and I completely adored him, he was like a god to me I was so in love) and what he's lost because god it must make you feel like a twat, but how many times when my dad was lying on his effing deathbed and when I was left to cry hysterically all the way home on my own after being told my baby looks like she has down's and all the other highs and lows.. how many of those times have I needed him and he's just turned his back on me and left me to deal with it? I'm literally crying now

God this was just a rant but I've gone right off track now and gotten myself into a right state

At least I can see now how bad things really were. And I've hardly cried once since we broke up, which is HUGE because I was getting into like hysterical crying fits almost every day when he was around so that's gotta be better for Evie bless her. I will NEVER EVER NEVER take him back. NEVER. Please feel free to remind me I said this is in a moment of madness I even consider it.
Annnnywaaay this was sorta gonna be a mini-rant/update thread lol so I'll get back on track. Had a mw appointment last week and bump is measuring exactly where it should be





Thanks to anyone who read this all the way down.. I can't even see how long it is now but I've been typing for AGES
