I am just devastated

[KatieA]

I didn’t know the hurt that I could feel.
It took 3 cycles to get pregnant with my daughter. And it was (for the most part) a safe and healthy pregnancy. So when we decided to try for number 2 I thought it would be okay. We started trying in June and I fell pregnant in October, only to start bleeding a week later. I was incredibly sad and it took awhile to dig out of that hole. But we did. I convinced myself that miscarriage is common and now that I’ve got mine out of the way I will have a healthy pregnancy. (How arrogant of me)
We found out we were pregnant on December 16. With every test, the line got darker and darker. And even two beautiful “pregnant” digital tests. This baby would be okay. This baby is the one that would make my little girl a big sister. This baby would make a difference in the world because he or she would be in it. We thought about names. We made an elaborate game and told our families on Christmas. I started pink spotting yesterday and rushed to the emergency room praying. “Please God don’t take this baby from me. Please let this baby be okay” by the time we checked in, it was red, and I knew. They did blood tests and a pelvic and I just felt numb through it all. This is not happening this baby was supposed to be okay. This is the baby I have prayed for. They did an ultrasound and all I could do was cry and and apologize to the tech. She pissed me. I know she couldn’t say anything. But I searched her face for any clue and she just sat stoically. Just doing her job. Then I wondered how hard her job must be. Having to be the one that takes those god-awful pictures. The ones that find out that the babies are gone. That they were there three days ago...and today they aren’t. When they handed the paperwork to me all I could see was the fine print (that seemed like a newspaper headline) “reason for visit: miscarriage”
They said that my cervix was closed. There was no clots, but there was nothing in my uterus. I don’t know where to go from here. They assured me that an ob would could help us have another healthy pregnancy but the thought of having to do this again....I don’t know if I can handle it.
I’m so sorry to you mommies. Because you would t be here if you weren’t in the same boat as me. Some probably even more times or worse circumstances than me! I feel your pain. Your babies were here. They matter.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[Ruskiegirl]

I am so sorry for your losses hun . I went through 2 miscarriages in a row one in oct and one 2 days before Christmas I know how you feel I hope that someday you can get your rainbow baby

 

[Beccaboo828]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 6 losses. Each one is just as painful as the other. Massive hugs sweet. I hope you get your rainbow soon xxx

 

[lesondemavie]

It hurts every time. It’s different every time. I lived with the dark cloud of grief in my life for a long while. I never knew if I could risk it all again. It always seemed like too much, like it would break me. Looking back, I’d do it all again for my two beautiful rainbows.

 

[lisaalove]

I cried reading this, mine was pretty close to yours except I was carrying twins and had a mmc. I wiped once and saw red and in my heart I knew. The pain doesnt stop, I'm sorry to say. Some days you'll feel normal and some the pain will hit you like a title wave threatening to knock you over. I just want you to know that you babies matter, your feelings matter, take time to grieve and to feel. Sending so much love your way.