I Can't Keep Doing This

[WackyMumof2]

DS2 is 7 and at the severe end of the spectrum for ADHD. We had to medicate as he is a danger to himself and is very, very distracting at school for the other kids. It also helps him with his learning. He's in a mainstream public school because I don't want him to feel he's 'different' because of his ADHD. And it's been the best choice we have made - he's thriving at school. We have always told him he can be anything he wants to be and that his ADHD is not going to get in the way of him doing that.

He's on 40mg of Ritalin LA which is the same dose a 12 year old is given from memory and on 200mgm of Clonidine a day. Clonidine keeps him calm after school as he's on a single dose of Ritalin as well as calms him down enough at night to go to sleep. When he's medicated, he's perfect. I can't fault him. But first thing in the morning he's a nightmare for use of a better term. He can rise anywhere between 3am-7am - which isn't good for me because I don't sleep very well at all and I am lucky if I am asleep by 2am. He's impulsive, arrogant, self-centered and every morning I am faced with him doing stupid shit he KNOWS not to do such as stealing, lying and just being a nasty pain in the ass to DS1. I know the early rising and impulsivivity is part and parcel of ADHD but I am pretty sure he knows that the stealing wrong and he can help it because he will do what ever he can to dispose of the evidence when he's caught. He goes out of his way to really make DS1 feel uncomfortable to the point he no longer wants to be at home. Yet, with DS3, he's fantastic.

Every morning is the same exhausting routine. Communicating isn't a possibility because I am facing constant physical fights between DS1 and DS2. I'm done yelling but I don't know how to get though to them both in regards to the current routine because this has severely affected the family structure. I've ventured into the possibility of foster care for DS2 for several months but I refuse to fight the courts to re-gain custody of my son even if I've made the choice for the foster care myself. And all these so call agencies who are involved to help us with managing with him and are there for guidance and support are a joke. No where to be seen and if I ring them I get 'oh we don't know what to do'. Yeah, no s**t guys. Neither do I and your supposed to be there to help us as a family!

Help please!! I can't go on like this anymore. 7 years is enough.

 

[smurff]

Hi, my heart goes out to you, it must be so hard. My daughter is autistic but she is very laid back and a Dream to look after so I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. A family member has an autistic boy who is 9, he's a big boy and very strong and unfortunately violent at times, he sleeps for only a few hours a night, sometimes he can be awake for a few days and the medication he is on to calm him doesn't work anymore, he also has younger and older brothers and sisters and it's become a huge strain on the family to the point that the mum and dad have now divorced. His mum just couldn't cope so for a few days a week the little boy goes into a rest bite home, that way he gets the attention and help he needs and the rest of the family get a few days rest and chance to recharge the batteries. I also have been told I could have that for my daughter if I wanted, We were also offered a carer to come round our home to help with her. I couldn't tell you how you go about applying for it as we didn't need additional help. Is there anything like that where you are

 

[WackyMumof2]

Thank you for your kind words smurff. Although you are not in the same boat, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in dealing with these kind of issues.

I can't imagine how you would cope with your daughter. I don't understand ADHD let alone Autisum. But it's been speculated that DS1 has Inattentive ADHD, I am pretty certain he's got SPD and he shows traits of Autism and Asperger's but nothing confirmed as of yet which is hard.

My heart goes out to your family member and her family. Dealing with a violent child is hard especially when the child doesn't understand. And it can be hard on the families - you've said that your family member and partner have divorced. I pray that hubby and I are strong enough to make it though these hard years.

DS2 has severe ADHD, OCD and ODD but somehow, he doesn't qualify for Respite care. We suspect Blind Rage but as these episodes are few and far between, his Psychiatrist can't say for certain. Not only is there that, but suspect Kleptomania and Pyromania because he's got a fascination for fire and he can't help but take what is not his - even if he will never use it. We need a break and the help isn't there. I can't count school. All I want is one morning where I don't have to worry about him and I can sleep in. I've got a social worker here in NZ for an organization but it's mainly focused on baby. And although I like that she's straight to the point and I get along with her really well, I'm fed up with the 'you need a fireguard because if baby gets burnt it's child abuse' speech. Urgh. Baby is not quite crawling and he's NEVER left on his own around the fire so how that's 'child abuse' I don't know. But in the event it does happen (we hope to God it doesn't but kids will be kids) no matter how well we have taught him, then it's a learning curve for him. Will invest in a fireguard next year but don't need it this Winter. I keep getting told to go seek Government help and just pay it back over 52 weeks. I refuse and have to be desperate. I like to be as independent as I possibly can and very, very seldom bite the bullet and give in. I hate holding my hand out for help. Also being pressured of this and her wanting me to do parenting courses etc is just stressing me out as I don't have time to study which also doesn't help the stressed out situation with DS2. But we are waiting for some Counseling to become available to him, arranging a trip to the Fire Station and enrolling him with the NZ Police for the Youth Program so I guess that's something even if it's nothing major. Get's him active and makes him aware as well.
Waiting for some Family Therapy too which I think would be beneficial for us all as we can all talk about DS2's ADHD and how everyone is affected by not only that but the way we communicate. I have to do a Parenting Course to get that first but just waiting to have some confirmation on that as the facilitator will organize childcare for LO. I guess looking at it, I've got the help but it's waiting for it to become available.

 

[Gucci1owner]

No sleep is no joke. You're going to make yourself ill. Is there any chance you can go to your doctor to see if they can help you to get some sleep or establish a sleep pattern?
Is there anyone (family or friend) who could come and spend a night at your house WITH you? It would allow you to have a sleep knowing there is someone you trust and your children know who can hold the fort for a few hours eg the 3am-6am shift so you can get a rest?
Our child is ASD and our youngest is being assessed this week. We have a pact. 4 times a year I go to a local cheap hotel chain and have a night away. Just one. Those sleeps are vital and it even allows me to have a bath in peace!! It's the best £30 I spend!!
Any local Facebook groups for SEND parents? Often there are other parents on there with the same situation who know links/who to contact regarding agencies that actually give two hoots!
Take care x