I can't wipe my own ass anymore

[sg0720]

Lol I love this thread! Some of these I can definitely relate to, and every one has made me laugh!

I hope at the very least that you all also look like a beached whale flopping around trying to get out of bed, right?

Lmao I feel like one every time I have to get up hahahah

 

[hotslinthesun]

Hahaha! This thread makes me feel so much better! My 2 year old has started grunting when she gets up off the floor or a chair because she's been hearing me do it she thinks that's what you're supposed to do! Oh dear...

 

[sg0720]

Lmao ^^^ that is too funny!!!

 

[StarBrites]

Oh, I'm still trying to shave. But its a hack job. I can still shave my legs just fine, its just the bits. My OH hasn't said anything yet... He knows not to poke the bear.

I bought these bikini razors made by noxzema, they have a little guard on them so it doesn't actually touch your skin so it's impossible to cut yourself. it's awkward using it blindly, but it works perfect. Dh would be of no help to me if I asked him to do it. He'd probably scare me more then it's worth lol

I've used those razors for my labia area for YEARS. They are seriously the best. They have come in handy during my pregnancy since I can't see down there. I just shave away and hope I get all the hair, lol.

 

[calm]

I have to put pessaries up my vayahyah and its so bloody hard with the massive bump in the way DH has to dry my feet!

 

[Rosered52]

Lolz! Not being able to wipe was a serious concern for me when I first got pregnant, but I stayed flexible (enough). Getting out of bed all eight times a night to pee....well, that usually involves some flopping, some farting, some groaning....a deeply elegant process. So sexy.

 

[AnonymousCAT]

Have definitely noticed wiping is harder! My arm just doesn't seem long enough sometimes lol. Only going to get worse too

 

[Brightxeyes]

I do find it quite difficult to wipe! I'm not used to being so round and I feel like I've got short arms haha!

Shaving is a wild guess, so the next day when I have shaving rash and itch I know I've done it wrong. I try to use a small mirror to just about see what I'm doing so I don't cut something!

 

[SoBlessedMama]

Hahaha! This thread makes me feel so much better! My 2 year old has started grunting when she gets up off the floor or a chair because she's been hearing me do it she thinks that's what you're supposed to do! Oh dear...

Lol when I was in the first trimester, I gagged and dry-heaved A LOT, especially when I ate. Our little boy started doing the same (he is 4.) He did it one day in a restaurant, and would NOT stop lol. My husband was so embarrassed, and I just couldn't stop laughing!

 

[Nikko88]

This morning I actually had to reach around back to get the job done. So sad. I can't even see under my belly and it feels like I have a massive stretch mark forming or a scratch, some kind of irritation.

 

[sg0720]

Lol great stories ladies

 

[sprite30]

Hhahaha I'm just dying laughing over here. I def have the whale thing going on. Dh laughs at me every times to switch from side to side. And to get out of bed I have to do this roll to the side thing and then lift myself up. Comical.

 

[sg0720]

Me too or he will push me from the back to help lol he told me yesterday... How the hell do u pee so much I said get pregnant and u will understand lol

 

[calm]

I feel like a tortoise on its back!

 

[gemstone]

Oh hunny, I have the same problem with the ass wiping, I have to come at it from behind with a baby wipe so I know I won't miss anything, lol. I was talking to my husband and I told him he'd have to shave my "lady garden" for me as I can't see it and he busted out laughing. He'd never heard of lady bits being called a lady garden. I heard someone say it on here and sounds much nicer than vag or snatch, lol .

Loool my dh shaves mine! Coz I can't see it. I tried shaving it but it was all the place! Looked like a tarred and feathered Hahahaha!
So he does my legs and spam purse when I get in the bath. Would be lost without him!
I understand the struggle with the arse wiping too! My arse has grown another arse! Loool

 

[Claire788]

Oh my GOD! I thought it was just me with the butt wiping, I can't breath while doing mine... Practically went blue last time (iron tablets, you get the drift!)
I tackled my lady garden myself blind with scissors... Epic fail... Nearly lost a lip!!

 

[lillylollypop]

I think I've lost my filter. But this thread is pretty funny.

A client last night offered me some towels that she just bought but didn't exactly match her new bathroom. So I say,

"Sure! That would be awesome, thanks! Homebirths can be messy!".

She said that she couldn't believe I said that and when I asked my husband if I crossed a line, he said " you're the reason we can't have nice things".

I've just become too comfortable with being uncomfortable I guess. I have no shame.

 

[sg0720]

Lol oh no!!

 

[bumpbear]

This morning I actually had to reach around back to get the job done. So sad. I can't even see under my belly and it feels like I have a massive stretch mark forming or a scratch, some kind of irritation.

This thread is an eye opener!

I think I must wipe my butt differently to everyone else - I always reach around back! lol

I didn't realize there was any other way!

 

[gemstone]

Lol I reach round the back too. But my arse has gotten so huge it's hard to reach! Lol