i don't know what to do..

[lindseypie]

leaving BnB

 

[cocokitten]

hun theres two things that really jump out at me here, my number 1 piece of advice would be do not move out!
If you feel awful and trapped now, you actually will be then and it would make this so much harder. maybe not possible, i dont know your financial situation but if you dont have a great deal of cash you might be trapped there a long time.

It would take away a lot of your choices.

the other thing i want to say is dont blame yourself or question what you could have done differently, at the end of the day if someone wants to cheat they will. thats it, nothing you can do to change it.

Do you think that the reason he suddenly wanted to get back together was because options had dried up for him at the time?
You need to sit him down and talk, but doesnt sound like honestys his strong point so might be a pointless thing to do...

 

[lindseypie]

leaving BnB

 

[Lois]

It sounds like he is someone who wants to have his cake and eat it. He's desperate to have you back now because he lost you but I would be very careful that when he is sure he's got you back he doesn't start to behave like a prick again. It seems particularly shitty that he tried to put his bad behaviour onto you by saying you didn't seem to care - it's pretty obvious that you both know that's not true.

Totally understandable that you feel like you're trapped now that plans for moving are underway. The reality though is that you are not trapped and you must do what you believe to be right with your life. If you move there and realise it isn't right then don't let the inconvenience of moving back keep you somewhere you aren't happy with.

Admittedly this is a largely negative view of the situation and there is a possibility that he has realised what he lost and won't make the mistake of losing it again. Just try to keep a level head with it all and don't allow yourself to stay in something if it isn't good enough for you anymore.

So sorry that you're having a bad time and I sincerely hope things get better for you soon.

Lx

 

[alette]

You need to run screaming in the other direction. You can do so much better. ANYONE can do so much better. You will never be able to feel like you can trust him, and that's going to lead to a lot of stress for you. Just run the other way an don't listen to his sob stories.. You know the saying "there's so many other fish in the sea"? It's true. It's really, really, really true. You have so MANY options, so don't let yourself feel like it's either be with him or be alone. It's not.

 

[alette]

His ex is moving away in a week, I did feel like that might be why he wanted me to move out there.. I talked to him about it, and he cried and told me that was the farthest thing from the truth, and that he loves me and he wants me there, he'll do anything he can.. he said he wanted to tell me in person, so i could see his face and i could know he wasn't lying anymore. he also said he wanted to prove to me that he really does love me and he can't do that over the phone

Ugh. Pretty sure I would have vomited in his face. I had an Ex that used to say crap like that.

 

[lindseypie]

leaving BnB

 

[lily28]

Lindsey, I see too many red flags with this guy, sorry hun but you have to bite the bullet and end it, you worth so much more than being played like that! There is the perfect guy out there trying to find a girl like you, it'd be a shame if you didn't grab your chance because of your silly boyfriend.
Take care!

 

[mandaa1220]

Don't move out there if you don't trust him hun

 

[lindseypie]

leaving BnB

 

[panther19]

You need to run screaming in the other direction. You can do so much better. ANYONE can do so much better. You will never be able to feel like you can trust him, and that's going to lead to a lot of stress for you. Just run the other way an don't listen to his sob stories.. You know the saying "there's so many other fish in the sea"? It's true. It's really, really, really true. You have so MANY options, so don't let yourself feel like it's either be with him or be alone. It's not.

QFT.

I don't know you, I don't know him... but my gut says don't do it.
I moved to the other side of the country for my ex, I was unhappy there. He didn't treat me like he should have and I decided I wanted to move back because I was unhappy. I never planned to break up, I thought we had a future and he would eventually grow up and propose. When I wanted to move back our plan was for me to move home and go back to school, he would stay the summer then long-distance it. Then he did what your ex did, started becoming distant... barely talked to me. The day before we were supposed to go on a holiday he dumped me... When I got off the plane when I got home I was heartbroken. I had been gone for a year and a half so I didn't have very many friends left... I was very lonely. That point was probably the saddest and lowest point I have been at in my life. Then at one point when I was really down something happened inside me and since then I know to put myself first... my ex started calling and texting again, stupidly I believed him, we got back together then a few months later a had a light bulb moment and dumped him. It turns out that while we were broken up he did sleep with someone else and yuck, it feels so dirty you know? He also admitted afterward that he just missed me because I took care of him and he got lonely... Save it for someone else mr, I was fed up.

I met my current bf right before I dumped my ex and we started dating about a month after... This relationship isn't near perfect but it is 100 times better than my ex, we talk about our future together. I have never looked back.

 

[JCsquaredd]

I'm sorry honey but I have to echo everyone else's sentiments. It seems like you've already given him a few chances to shape up and he just took advantage of your trust. Moving out there is a big risk. You said you could pack up and leave while he was at work one day but that's a lot easier said than done! I definitely understand your difficulty leaving him. 4 years is a long time! I guess you just have to follow your heart.

 

[lindseypie]

leaving BnB